# Welcome to Dopeville, pop. 7270 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2000, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848 "2000-06-19T13:31:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/1 "2000-06-19T13:31:31Z")
This is an online community, right? Then this message board is really like a small town. Cecil is Mayor, and the mods and admins–Tuba, Manhattan, Ed, Arnie, CK, David, Gaudere, Slythe, Euty, Uncle, Lynn, Alpha–hold various municipal offices (it’s up to them to decide who’s dog-catcher and who’s fire chief). So, who are we, the citizens of this Peyton Place called Dopeville? The lurkers are those extras you always see milling about in the background and in crowd scenes, but who don’t have any lines. Me, I’m the prim, respected town librarian. Little does anyone suspect that my weekly “book club meetings” are actually wild orgies of opium and sex . . . So, who are y’all? ---
**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/2 "2000-06-19T13:40:45Z")
I am the quiet, mousy girl that everyone knows is going to become an old, spinster cat lady. Secretly, I am saving my pennies to buy myself a male “escort” to take me to my next high school reunion, and to, um, do other things as well. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/3 "2000-06-19T13:43:01Z")
I have no idea who I would be. Anyone have any suggestions for me? And I think I can safely say Wally would be the town klutz. I was going to say village idiot, but that implies stupidity instead of mere clumsiness. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/4 "2000-06-19T13:46:24Z")
I run the Bar. ---
**Author:** ![JimmyNipples](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@JimmyNipples](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimmyNipples)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/5 "2000-06-19T13:46:46Z")
Is the town drunk taken?? No wait…I want to be the unstable crack head. Can I be naked and dirty? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/6 "2000-06-19T13:56:12Z")
I’m Larrigan’s boss. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/7 "2000-06-19T13:56:55Z")
Lessee, I could be either the kindly owner of the ice-cream shop that all the women flirt with, but none of the women seriously consider in _that_ way… Or… the supercilious food critic at the local paper. Depends on what mood I’m in. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/8 "2000-06-19T13:57:29Z")
Ok, I want to be the town’s male slut. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/9 "2000-06-19T14:00:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Ok, I want to be the town’s male slut. > \*\* Request denied, move along. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/10 "2000-06-19T14:07:43Z")
Hmmmm, suppose I should have included my sig line there. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/11 "2000-06-19T14:13:09Z")
I’m the guy who climbs into the clock tower and opens fire with an automatic rifle, and afterwards everyone says “He seemed so QUIET.” ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/12 "2000-06-19T14:18:28Z")
Mr. Cynical - “Voted The Official Male Slut of The Straight Dope Message Board with 3 times as many votes as anybody else.” DAMMIT! Ok, then I guess I’ll be the affable but irresponsible town slob who lives off a trust fund his grandfather set up for him. I’m open to suggestions, though. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/13 "2000-06-19T14:25:55Z")
ALLRIGHT! I’ve finally decided who I am! I am the comic book collecting, sports stat quoting, heavy reading, movie and history buff guy who people like, but he’s still a little too geeky to really be thought of as ‘cool’ And yes, Regis, that’s my final answer. ---
**Author:** ![lolagranola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ea5d25/32.png) [@lolagranola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lolagranola)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/14 "2000-06-19T14:26:55Z")
I’m the new girl… too new to be her usual mouthy self until she gets to know everyone better. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/15 "2000-06-19T14:30:27Z")
I’ll be the guy that runs for the state senate from our little burg only to become embroiled in a scandal involving several supermodels, body paint, and a slush fund. I will still be elected. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/16 "2000-06-19T14:32:19Z")
I own the friendly neighborhood bookstore, that is slowly being put out of business by Barnes and Nobles. In retaliation, I have bought an expresso machine. They have Starbucks? \*\* I \*\* have Starbucks! ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/17 "2000-06-19T14:33:39Z")
In the bar run by John Larrigan, owned by Coldfire. And EVE, every time I hear that song “Lady Writer on the TV” by Dire Straits I think of you for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/18 "2000-06-19T14:36:35Z")
In retrospect, I think Larrigan was referring to gymnastics when he says he “runs the bar”. I own the bar, but yeah, you can pour too if you like, aenea. I’m only in it for the lifetime of free beer anyway 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/19 "2000-06-19T14:40:03Z")
Me, I’m the night shift sergeant of the police. Dashing, rugged, yet warm. And big hands. And a big hat. And some full-on manly name, like Trip Stoneway. Either that, or a hilarious town clown. Rich, screenplay writing town clown. Whichever gets me the most play. I really don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![ReservoirDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@ReservoirDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReservoirDog)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/20 "2000-06-19T14:45:30Z")
I wash the mugs for aenea in the bar run by Larrigan, owned by Coldfire. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848.md?page=2)