# Welcome to Dopeville, pop. 7270 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2000, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848 "2000-06-19T13:31:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/241 "2000-06-20T23:33:31Z")
Don’t worry Saint I brought REAL cookies. I’m wandering amongst the happy picnickers, offering my fresh and tasty cookies, enjoying the beautiful crooning of the singers, looking for a comfy place to situate myself and enjoy the afternoon sun. Is there room near you? ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/242 "2000-06-20T23:37:05Z")
Coldfire, what are the specials here? I have a perfectly legit fake ID. Pass me the best you got! ---
**Author:** ![Girlbysea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Girlbysea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlbysea)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/243 "2000-06-20T23:39:29Z")
I’ll rent the beach chairs. Oh, and I have cold beer on ice… ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/244 "2000-06-20T23:43:31Z")
Anyone have any idea who I would be? I don’t really know how to describe myself. ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/245 "2000-06-20T23:44:15Z")
I guess I shall close the shop early and man the BBQ pit. Bring your dogs and burgers and I will cook them right up. No, No I ment HOT Dogs. Osip ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/246 "2000-06-20T23:48:00Z")
Eve, that was such a beautiful song, and your rendition had everyone entranced. But not as much as when the hot June breeze blew through the gazebo and lifted your skirt, giving all an glimpse of your garters. You could hear the hushed mid-chew of tater salad for miles around. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/247 "2000-06-21T00:09:53Z")
“Mojo…Mojo?” Hearing no reply, she throws a handful of nightcrawlers and crickets into cups, caps them and pockets a lovely blue dun. “Now for those cookies.” Humming “My Grandfather’s Clock,” she slips a $20 by the cash register. As she leaves, her cel phone rings. “Doperville Sex Line,” she answers, “What are you hot for, sweetie-pie?” By the time she enters her kitchen and dons her yellow gingham apron, she’s bleating like a goat. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/248 "2000-06-21T00:15:15Z")
I geuss I bes’ be packin’ up a car load for the picnic. Let me see if that little special batch is done yet - Coldie told me one a’ his patrons had built up a tolerance. Hey Nitro!! C’mon, c’mere boy, we’re going to town! :::heads for garage::: :::cre-e-eak!:::chickens depart noisily::: Mmm…,I think I’ll take the Merc’… ---
**Author:** ![JLPicard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/858c86/32.png) [@JLPicard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JLPicard)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/249 "2000-06-21T00:29:16Z")
Hi, I’m Marc this is my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl ---
**Author:** ![JLPicard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/858c86/32.png) [@JLPicard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JLPicard)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/250 "2000-06-21T00:29:27Z")
Hi, I’m Marc this is my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl. ---
**Author:** ![JLPicard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/858c86/32.png) [@JLPicard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JLPicard)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/251 "2000-06-21T00:30:47Z")
Hi, I’m Marc this is my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl. ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/252 "2000-06-21T00:48:37Z")
**Sassy** : > [@](#): > > _I would adore to be a concierge. I have all the local info (Cristi is my close friend… ) Do we get cute uniforms?_ **BratMan007** : > [@](#): > > _Overworked and underpaid as bouncer at the bar, tired watching everyone else have fun while I have to stay sober, and fed up with all the drunk women not pinching my ass, I show up in my best suit to apply for the job of concierge. Keep in mind please, that my experience as a bouncer will come in handy for those guests who try to get out of paying their bill._ (Damn, two applicants for _concierge_ and not one application for kitchen staff; guess I’ll have to get food catered in from **ultress** ’ diner.) Pop quiz for **Sassy** and **BratMan007** — You’re confronted with an irate guest who’s complaining about the lack of “tha beeg baff towses” in Room 23; at the same time a convention of rabid Cecilophiles is spilling into the lobby after a rowdy welcoming party thrown in **Coldfire** and **John Larrigan** ’s bar, and they’re looking for _the big_ conference room. At roughly the same time, you notice a rather furtive looking individual walking out the door with two decorative cut glass candy dishes from the other end of the lobby. Prioritize and explain your actions. (Extra points will be assigned for creative use of non-profanity and efficient delegation of tasks.) > [@](#): > > \*What’s the name of the joint? \*Adams Arms? The hotel is, of course, _The Straight Dope Classic_. We offer full service for our guests, including _The Straight Dope Massage Bed_ and full postal service at the front desk (_Cecil’s Mailbag_). ---
**Author:** ![omni-not](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8dc957/32.png) [@omni-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/omni-not)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/253 "2000-06-21T01:31:57Z")
How about hanging up a picture of Wally prominently, on the wall behind the bar? ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/254 "2000-06-21T02:03:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > How about hanging up a picture of Wally prominently, on the wall behind the bar? > \*\* Sure that will suffice until we can get that statue built in the park. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/255 "2000-06-21T02:37:53Z")
_The dippy Town Eccentric shuffles into Coldfire & Larrigan’s place, shoulders slumped and clutching a muddy Mason jar full of crumpled banknotes_ I already went around and lowered every flag in town to half mast, and hung black bunting on the park grandstand. Now this is to throw the finest wake Dopeville ever saw. ::sniffs pathetically; takes a deep pull from flask:: We lost one of our own, one of the best. But we remember our own, damnit, and we’ll make his passing in our own way. Never was a more solid friend or buoyant soul, so he _isn’t_ going to his rest without some tears, songs, laughter and good memories from his friends. It’s fitting. Veb ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/256 "2000-06-21T03:23:55Z")
The sweet old birdwatching lady, still wearing her gingham apron, wanders into Coldfire and Larrigan’s with a large plate of cookies. Sitting down, she says: “I made these cookies in honor of Wally. No insects, but I arranged the macadamia nuts into a “P” for putz. Wally made me smile and sometimes laugh out loud. This cooky is for you.” She eats one and passes the plate. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/257 "2000-06-21T05:17:15Z")
:: The fixit man wakes with a start when the radio newswoman makes the sad announcement. :: Free booze down at Coldie’s? I’m on my way. Wouldn’t be proper to drink alone on a night like this. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/258 "2000-06-21T05:30:06Z")
Ahar, ye scurvy dogs! That be right. As far as sailors go, that **Wally** was one fine landlubber. Now set me up with some grog and be damn quick about it. And I’ll have a cookie to, me fine li’l mermaid. ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/259 "2000-06-21T05:32:14Z")
My first shrubbery will be dedicated to one of the greatest, a Hero of the Straight Dope Message Board, WallyM7. Maybe it will be arranged around the statue. (Sigh) I miss him. ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/260 "2000-06-21T06:08:44Z")
I know you have all been dying to know what my place is in this town, and now you’ll know. If you stop by the bar run by Larrigan and owned by Coldfire on Friday or Saturday night, you will find me, Lounge Singer Lex. \ \*I been reallllly try-y-y-y-y-in’ baby! Tryin’ ta hold back this feelin’, for sooooooo long. And if you feel, like a feel, sugah, Come on, _hooooo!_ come on, Let’s get it on. Ahhhhhhhhh-yeah! Let’s get it on. Sugah! Oooooh! There’s nothin’ wrong, with me, lovin’ you. And givin’ yourself to me can never be wrong, If the Love is true, hooooo-oooooo! Etc…\* [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848.md?page=14)