# Welcome to Dopeville, pop. 7270 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2000, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848 "2000-06-19T13:31:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![winky99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/71c47a/32.png) [@winky99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/winky99)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/281 "2000-06-21T20:17:23Z")
> [@](#): > > **Whoever felt bad about being a putz at David Duke’s daughter** She can’t help who her father is. She was very nice. She said that she lives with her mom and never sees her dad. Now I would have liked to of kicked his ass. But thats another thread altogether. ::slips out secret door to secret gambling room for few games of poker:: ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/282 "2000-06-21T20:17:31Z")
I know it’s against the law in most places, but I’m here to toast to Wally. Pass me a beer! ---
**Author:** ![BigJoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@BigJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigJoe)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/283 "2000-06-21T20:26:17Z")
:: Hands Monster a shot glass :: First a tequilla shot. Then beer. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/284 "2000-06-21T20:49:46Z")
I want to be the blonde who flies down the street in the little red convertible with lipstick to match. The one who everyone suspects is having an affair with the mayor, chief of police, and the school principal although no one has any solid proof. No one can figure out where she gets the expensive cars, clothes, and jewelry considering she doesn’t have a real job. Then there is that little thing with the beautiful women who live in her big Victorian house and there has been a lot of traffic in front of her house since she moved in. Again, no one can prove the rumors and for some reason, the chief of police refuses to investigate the calls from concerned citizens. She has refused to divulge any information about the dearly departed Wally, saying he was only the rag-time piano player for her “bridge club parties” as she pulls a lace hanky from her ample clevage and dabs her eye. ---
**Author:** ![BigJoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@BigJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigJoe)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/285 "2000-06-21T21:55:40Z")
I want to be the weasle faced barfly / pool hustler that fleeces all the tourists that got lost and can’t find the interstate before dark. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/286 "2000-06-21T22:16:20Z")
So I can’t spell, Olent. You wanna mess with a lady truck driver? Hmmm? Now shaddup and move that keg over here next to the bar, or no tequila for you. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/287 "2000-06-21T22:20:54Z")
I’ll be the slacker lawyer, like Jack Nicholson in _Easy Rider_, or Paul Newman in _The Verdict_. I’ll spend my mornings at the counter in **Ultress’s Diner** , and my afternoons occupying one corner of **Coldfire and Larrigan’s Bar** , where I will hold forth on a variety of topics (with decreasing coherence as each afternoon wears on), and take on all comers at the pool table. In the absence of pool opponents, I will occupy myself with the pinball machine. In spite of all this, whenever you call my office, you will invariably be informed that “Mr. Spoke is in court today.” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/288 "2000-06-21T22:30:13Z")
I want to be the high school English teacher, who thinks he has a great novel in him, but never will write it. I’m very nice to the shy kids, and some of the more introverted girl students have a crush on me, but I have a cute but quiet little wife at home (she taught for awhile, but then stayed home when the baby was born.) I don’t socialize that much, but I stopped in the bar to raise a toast to Wally. I do, however, faithfully attend every meeting of Eve’s book club. ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/289 "2000-06-21T22:35:02Z")
This Doperville list sounds like a wonderfully twisted version of the Our Town cast! I’m the new kid in town (along with my hubby) and I’m still learning the ropes, so please be patient with me if I screw up somewhere. Oh, I could be the town DJ - I’ve a radio show called “The Spandex Years” on WRUW FM 91.1 in CLeveland. Its a college radio station and you can give us a listen via the web by going to [http://radio.cwru.edu](http://radio.cwru.edu) . Enjoy! And I’m pleased as punch that my question about the origin of dunce caps was answered on June 21, 2000…my first one to get a reply! _Sigh_ [Feels honored.] [http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mduncecap.html](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mduncecap.html) Patty ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/290 "2000-06-21T22:36:51Z")
I’m normally not a tequila drinker but I am today. To Wally. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/291 "2000-06-21T23:10:33Z")
Everytime Wally used the word **Putz** , it brought a special feeling to my heart. And here’s why: I was such a putz… I was young and in love with a man named Michael. We’d go to art galleries and museums. Absolutely adored that because I adored him and being with him. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted more in the world than to pass my time with him. Anyway, we’re at a gallery (I can’t remember which, but I think it was the Norton Simon in Pasedena) and we came across a Van Gogh painting called _Puis Noir_, something like Then Night, I guess, I don’t know because I had misread the title. So, being the naive innocent I was at that time, I asked out loud to Michael, **“What does Putz Noir mean?”** Oh god, how Michael laughed (as did a few others), and he explained (I turned red and laughed too) and then he said something like “That was so cute.” I had thought I was such a putz but he thought I was cute. So when Wally used the word **Putz** , it reminded me of those giddy times in a young womans life when she is so in love with a man. \<_passes cooky plate to dpr_\> Munch…munch…not that he was exactly sending love missives when _he_ used the word. Ha! ---
**Author:** ![BigJoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@BigJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigJoe)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/292 "2000-06-21T23:21:53Z")
Joining dpr in his toast. So Spoke, care a friendly game (tequila on me)? ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/293 "2000-06-21T23:38:58Z")
I’ll join you and dpr, Joe. Just pass me a bottle of tequila and forget the shotglass. ---
**Author:** ![Xgemina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/b5e925/32.png) [@Xgemina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xgemina)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/294 "2000-06-22T01:10:18Z")
I’ll be the overworked, underpaid paralegal (whom everyone thinks is just a secretary) keeping 2nd Law’s practice going whilst he fishes. Secretly I wish I worked for Jodih. Normally I’m too tired to get down to the bar, but the office is closed today in memory of Wally and I’m plastered in the corner at Coldfire’s. ---
**Author:** ![Xgemina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/b5e925/32.png) [@Xgemina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xgemina)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/295 "2000-06-22T01:12:14Z")
I’ll be the overworked, underpaid paralegal (whom everyone thinks is just a secretary) keeping 2nd Law’s practice going whilst he fishes. Secretly I wish I worked for Jodih. Normally I’m too tired to get down to the bar, but the office is closed today in memory of Wally and I’m plastered in the corner at Coldfire’s. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/296 "2000-06-22T03:17:06Z")
:::strolls casually in to Coldfire’s::: Hi there! Boy, I haven’t been in here for a while. You’ve done the place up nice. Real nice. Good music. Could I have a Guinness? Thanks. Had to come down, on account of Wally. I’ve been thinking about him all day, and I just got darn tired of mourning by myself. Sassy stopped by & told me there was a thing happening down here. Thought it might be nice to join you for a while. Hope you don’t mind. What’s my favorite Wally story? Oh, I remember the day…goodness, it was just before he had that surgery. He’d stopped by, because he’d heard that my cat had had some kittens, and he was needing a mouser. We got to chatting, and he was telling me about the things he did _not_ want to hear from the doctors while he was under anesthesia. Good Goddess, the man had me in tears, I was laughing so hard! Excuse me, I think I’m just going to step outside and gaze at the moon for a while. Don’t give my chair away, okay? ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/297 "2000-06-22T05:35:54Z")
WELL! I heard all about that disgraceful party they are having down at Coldfire’s Bar to celebrate Wally’s life. There should be an alternative for folks to attend-I know, I will have a tea party to christen the \*\* Wally Memorial Garden\*\* that I had my Old Family Retainers build next to my mansion on the hill. It is only fitting, since only my wonderful Wally REALLY knew what was buried underneath it. Only he knew my family secrets, and he was too loyal to EVER tell anyone. I will ask **Marvel** to announce my party on his radio show, and lets see–I’ll ask **Shayna’s** band to play, and maybe **Ultress** will cater the food. I’ll bet I can get a quantity rate on iced tea from **Coldfire’s** bar, and maybe **Monster104** will be kind enough to put the finishing touches on the shrubbery. This is going to be so fun! (time passes) What a lovely party! Everyone seems to be having a wonderful time, the food is great, and that iced tea I got from **Coldfire’s** is a smash hit. I wonderful if the recipe really originated on Long Island? Oh well, no matter. It has made everyone just SO relaxed! I don’t think I ever SAW so many relaxed people, especially at one of my tea parties. Too bad they don’t know about…well, no, I guess it is best that my secret is safe. I think I will go over and say hey to **Evilbeth, Annie-Xmas and Persephone.** They look like they are really dishing the dirt on some poor soul! Wait a minute, what is it that **Evilbeth** is saying? **…and I know all the sordid details about Scotticher’s family scandals.** OH NO! If I can’t shut them up, I am going to be Queen of NOTHING! I hear Tiggeril is looking for a new profession, hmmmmm- I think what this town REALLY needs is a hitman. Or woman, as the case may be. I wonder if she would give me a quantity discount? ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/298 "2000-06-22T06:16:09Z")
Scotti, consider it done. Let me know what you want, and I will do it free of charge, in memory of Wally. I’ll even cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring. Tiggeril, assassin for hire…hmmm, has potential… ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/299 "2000-06-22T06:16:39Z")
Scotti, consider it done. Let me know what you want, and I will do it free of charge, in memory of Wally. I’ll even cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring. Tiggeril, assassin for hire…hmmm, has potential… ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848/300 "2000-06-22T06:18:50Z")
Dammit. Sorry for the double post. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-7270/22848.md?page=16)