# Welcome to me. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 26, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211 "2004-05-26T18:12:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/41 "2004-05-26T22:45:51Z")
Depends on if you’d pay 15 bucks in order to have all your free time and your attention sucked out by this board. Nothing quite as weird as being here at 2am when you have to be up at 6am flaming someone to death in the pit while chatting about which characters in **Watchmen** count as villains in Cafe Society. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/42 "2004-05-27T00:10:49Z")
> [@pugluvr](#): > > I don’t want a masseuse. I want a masseur. And I want him to be 22, with dark hair, strong forearms and hands, clean-shaven, tanned . . . > > what were we talking about? I’ll do it. I’m all that. Or did you want someone also good-looking, trained in massage, and in the same country? 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/43 "2004-05-27T00:18:13Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > We got no Inga. We got an Ilsa, though. I was afraid I was gonna get dragged into this. Masseuse my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/44 "2004-05-27T00:31:43Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > Masseuse my ass. I hereby volunteer! ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/45 "2004-05-27T00:52:13Z")
TRUE STORY I used to be obese. I was ashame of buying clothes. I had no luck with the ladies. My life was a disaster. I tried every instrument of torture they show on TV to improve my figure… no results. Just as I was getting desperate someone told me to try the SDMB. In TWO (yes two) days I was built like a weight lifter on steroids. I got a new job with a better pay that helped me finance my endless orgies. Now I am a happy man. TRUE STORY I can all be yours for jus $14.95 (plus my comission) ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/46 "2004-05-27T00:53:35Z")
I need he money o buy a new keyboard. the fuckin T isn’ working properly. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/47 "2004-05-27T01:23:02Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > I need he money o buy a new keyboard. the fuckin T isn’ working properly. Looks fine o me. :shrug: ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/48 "2004-05-27T01:31:17Z")
> [@](#): > > I can all be yours for jus $14.95 (plus my comission) You male or female? And do you do massages? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/49 "2004-05-27T01:35:13Z")
> [@](#): > > **pugluvr** : I don’t want a masseuse. I want a masseur. I don’t have a masseur, but I do have a spare monsieur left over from Paris. Will that do? Another testimonial: I was a retired teacher with agoraphobia and a fear of flying when I came here. Within the last month I’ve returned from a trip to Paris where I drank absinthe, lost my undies, used a very busy men’s restroom amid cat calls, and returned to the USA with a very existential black eye. I also let slip the word _cocksucker_ once. Don’t ever say that here. Welcome. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/50 "2004-05-27T01:53:59Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > …I can all be yours for jus $14.95 (plus my comission) Are there Nigerians involved? ---
**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/51 "2004-05-27T01:58:34Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Incorrect. Are you fucking with me? ---
**Author:** ![Sharky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Sharky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sharky)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/52 "2004-05-27T02:09:09Z")
Great googly moogly, PT - this place is insane. I love it already. The kewl smilie is sunburned, though. 🆒 Welcome to us. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/53 "2004-05-27T02:19:09Z")
> [@Chairman Pow](#): > > Are you fucking with me? You can say fuck all over the place. You just can’t say “Fuck you” or “You fuck” or “I fucked your mom” anywhere but the Pit. Hey, newbies have fucking post counts and locations now! Wait- they didn’t before, did they? ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/54 "2004-05-27T02:28:03Z")
> [@Aldebaran](#): > > all the others have and remained alive. Sez you. Do you have _any idea_ how hard it is for me to type posts without gettin’ into the old poltergeist groove and flinging the keyboard across the room? Thanks a fuckin’ _lot_, **Aldebaran**. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/55 "2004-05-27T02:31:52Z")
> [@Jimmy Chitwood](#): > > You can say fuck all over the place. You just can’t say “Fuck you” or “You fuck” or “I fucked your mom” anywhere but the Pit. I believe that you can say “I fucked you mom” in GD and GQ, as long as you provide a cite. ---
**Author:** ![Sharky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Sharky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sharky)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/56 "2004-05-27T02:34:48Z")
> [@Jimmy Chitwood](#): > > Hey, newbies have fucking post counts and locations now! > > Wait- they didn’t before, did they? Those appear with paid membership, apparently. Mine didn’t show up until I paid up. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/57 "2004-05-27T02:37:31Z")
Right, right. You were still listed as Guest when I saw your post, but I guess you were in transition- the location and post count must’ve gotten there before Charter Member. Welcome. ---
**Author:** ![Sharky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Sharky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sharky)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/58 "2004-05-27T02:55:13Z")
> [@Jimmy Chitwood](#): > > Right, right. You were still listed as Guest when I saw your post, but I guess you were in transition- the location and post count must’ve gotten there before Charter Member. > > Welcome. Thanks - and hello to Tally from Panama City Beach. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/59 "2004-05-27T03:42:24Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally Posted by alice\_in\_wonderland_ > You are SO gonna get a clog up the butt for that… > [@Binarydrone](#): > > Sorry, that perk doesn’t happen until your 5000th post. It’s not as great as it sounds. I now have to post standing up. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![P\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a587f6/32.png) [@P\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P_T)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211/60 "2004-05-27T04:05:29Z")
Hidy ho Sharky! I’ll pay up early next week, gotta wait til the moneys there in the bank, ya know. But then, just wait for it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-me/247211.md?page=4)