# Well I never! Rules for living... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 19, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392 "2003-10-19T18:05:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/1 "2003-10-19T18:05:31Z")
**1. Never** pass a pub with your name on it. **2. Never** go commando wearing a loose frock in a strong breeze. **3. Never** wear a tie that could panic a cat. **4. Never** … ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy154](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ad7895/32.png) [@quiltguy154](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy154)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/2 "2003-10-19T21:30:16Z")
1. Never substitute lighter fluid for hair mousse. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/3 "2003-10-19T21:41:30Z")
1. Never steal **Tir** ’s beer. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/4 "2003-10-19T21:43:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tir Tinuviel \* > \*\ ***1. Never** pass a pub with your name on it. \*\* But…but the pub with my name on it is full of yuppie wankers and serves crap beer! No way in hell I’m going in there! And yes, there really is at least one pub with my name on it, although obviously it isn’t named after me. More rules… 1. When in foreign countries where you don’t know the language, **never** just point to a random item on the menu and say “I’ll have that.” I got an _entire baked cuttlefish_ in Palermo that way. Urgh. It kept _looking_ at me. 2. **Never** chew gum in bed. 3. **Never** wear sandals while cleaning your septic tank. ---
**Author:** ![Kakkerlak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bb73d2/32.png) [@Kakkerlak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kakkerlak)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/5 "2003-10-19T23:02:23Z")
1. **Never** tie your shoes while driving. 2. **Never** share your gum with squirrels. ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/6 "2003-10-19T23:32:45Z")
**11. Never** put toast & jam in the video player. **12. Never** stick a sppon in the belnder while it’s on. **13. Never** try to smoke a twiglet. ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/7 "2003-10-19T23:34:42Z")
**14. Never** try to spell while drunk… spoon and blender… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/8 "2003-10-19T23:45:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SciFiSam \* > \*\*5. Never steal **Tir** ’s beer. 😃 \*\* Or her smokes. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/9 "2003-10-20T00:09:06Z")
1. **Never** play leap-frog with a unicorn. 2. **Never** pet a burning dog. ---
**Author:** ![Capcha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Capcha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capcha)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/10 "2003-10-20T00:38:28Z")
1. Never put a string on your finger, cause you’d forget anyway. However, tie it to…say…your nipple, then you’d **definitely** remember. 2. Never plant coins. Everyone knows only paper grows on trees . ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/11 "2003-10-20T00:39:01Z")
1. **Don’t** smoke and ride a bicycle at the same time. 2. **Never** tickle your cat. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/12 "2003-10-20T00:40:06Z")
I guess I’m 19 and 20, then… ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/13 "2003-10-20T00:41:53Z")
1. **Never** make Banner angry. You wouldn’t like him if he was angry. ---
**Author:** ![Sm\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sm\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sm_e)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/14 "2003-10-20T00:52:26Z")
1. **Never** get involved in a land war in Asia. 2. **Never** go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line. ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/15 "2003-10-20T02:22:09Z")
Y’know, I don’t think I’d heard of #22 before. Must be slightly less well known. 😉 1. **Never** get drunk and try to cook a peanut satay sauce for your slightly stale toasted bread. The results are never pretty. 2. **Don’t** insult the bouncer. You’re not as funny as you think you are. ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/16 "2003-10-20T03:02:30Z")
1. Never trust anyone who prefaces what they say with “I’m gonna be honest with you” a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/17 "2003-10-20T03:21:19Z")
1. Never try to invade Russia in the middle of winter 2. Never feed your cats string ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/18 "2003-10-20T03:24:49Z")
1. Never take a tour of the FBI building while high as a kite. 2. Never tell your girlfriend you’d dump her in a second if your ex showed up. (Women like me will take that personally, and hurt you.) 3. Never triple-dog-dare a _Rocky Horror Picture Show_ cast member to do _anything_. 4. Another one for the men: Never walk around naked in a house where a kitten dwells. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/19 "2003-10-20T04:14:02Z")
Never drink anything blue. Never stand up in a canoe. Never lay down with someone crazier than you are. Never believe ‘I couldn’t feel any worse.’ ---
**Author:** ![Rodd\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Rodd\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodd_Hill)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392/20 "2003-10-20T06:42:49Z")
Anyone for a quick pint down at the old Spoon and Blender? Never play cards with a man called “Doc.” Never stick your big toe in the spigot while lying in the bath. Just don’t. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-never-rules-for-living/208392.md?page=2)