# "Well, I won't be going back to THAT restaurant any time soon!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 30, 2019, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698 "2019-01-30T23:18:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2019, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/1 "2019-01-30T23:18:00Z")
Says [this outraged patron.](https://www.statesman.com/news/20190130/woman-exposed-herself-at-two-street-patios-in-downtown-austin-police-say) The, er, money quote: > [@](#): > > Officers said she continued to masturbate even after she was handcuffed and placed in the back seat of a patrol vehicle. Damn, I wish I was that limber. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2019, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/2 "2019-01-30T23:26:36Z")
“I’ll have what she’s having.” ---
**Author:** ![justanothermike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c2a13f/32.png) [@justanothermike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justanothermike)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2019, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/3 "2019-01-30T23:32:25Z")
Keep Austin Weird. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2019, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/4 "2019-01-30T23:43:27Z")
Obligatory [xkcd](https://xkcd.com/631/) link. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2019, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/5 "2019-01-30T23:43:58Z")
“You won’t find me coming here again!” (I’ll see myself out.) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/6 "2019-01-31T00:56:55Z")
Ewwwww. Just ewwww! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/7 "2019-01-31T01:18:43Z")
> [@ekedolphin](#): > > Obligatory [xkcd](https://xkcd.com/631/) link. I could probably offer a relevant Oglaf link but I wouldn’t know which one to choose. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/8 "2019-01-31T01:26:20Z")
“It’s a fair cop officer, I’ll come quietly…” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/9 "2019-01-31T02:01:24Z")
I don’t think she’s gonna get off. mmm ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/10 "2019-01-31T02:30:29Z")
Probably drug related, there are some interesting videos on Liveleak the night after a Molly binge or some other drug where women or couples are still stimulating themselves the morning after waking up nude or half-nude in the middle of a park or beach or something. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/11 "2019-01-31T02:44:59Z")
In the old records of the mental asylum near where I used to live, there were people who were incarcerated for “masturbation”. To some of the kids at my school, that seemed odd. When you meet someone who has been arrested by the police for “masturbation”, less so. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/12 "2019-01-31T02:46:18Z")
My first reaction was actually, “what would they have done if she had been wearing pants?” ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/13 "2019-01-31T03:44:17Z")
> [@pool](#): > > Probably drug related, there are some interesting videos on Liveleak the night after a Molly binge or some other drug where women or couples are still stimulating themselves the morning after waking up nude or half-nude in the middle of a park or beach or something. If you google her full name (middle name Jane) you’ll come up with several past arrests. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/14 "2019-01-31T03:58:17Z")
I don’t want to Google her name. Just sayin’ ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/15 "2019-01-31T05:22:47Z")
So what was everyone doing during the 7-8 minutes with her legs up in the air, before she went across the street? Just standing around watching? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/16 "2019-01-31T05:40:02Z")
That’s something you can’t un-see. Heck, I need brain bleach as it is. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/17 "2019-01-31T22:39:44Z")
Her legs up in the air she just don’t flipppin’ care wind through her pubic hair; naked ride at the fair. Seven minutes she held out showin’ folk her private pout. When the cops came droppin’ in she was quoted “Come again!” “My hands locked in your cuffs won’t keep them from my muff. My fingers know the drill, they touch me just there still.” Cops took her in to book and they snapped a mug shot. When asked what was she doing Said “'Twas obvious; I thot”. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/18 "2019-01-31T22:50:27Z")
_“Cancel that Hog-Dog”_ ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2019, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-i-wont-be-going-back-to-that-restaurant-any-time-soon/828698/19 "2019-01-31T22:53:29Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Her legs up in the air > she just don’t flipppin’ care > wind through her pubic hair; > naked ride at the fair. > > Seven minutes she held out > showin’ folk her private pout. > When the cops came droppin’ in > she was quoted “Come again!” > > “My hands locked in your cuffs > won’t keep them from my muff. > My fingers know the drill, > they touch me just there still.” > > Cops took her in to book > and they snapped a mug shot. > When asked what was she doing > Said “'Twas obvious; I thot”. You’re such the poet! Bravo!