# Well, I'm now ripe for mockery **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 8, 2005, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502 "2005-03-08T04:50:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/1 "2005-03-08T04:50:37Z")
I bought my first cane tonight. Technically, I bought my first canes yesterday. Yesterday I broke down and ordered [this cane](http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/7612.html) and [this cane](http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/05011.html) online. One for going out/semi formal occasions (dates), and one for casual/might-get-dirty use. However, tonight I went to Wal-Mart (you know how I feel about them) to use their photo printer, and my right knee became quite aggravated at me. At least, I think thats what it was doing, judging by the shooting pains emanating from it. So I bought an absolute ugly-as-hell-piece-of-shit $10 cane while I was in there. It helped enormously on the walk back to the car and walking from my car to my apartment. I am now ripe for mockery. I feel like a fool, being 23 years old and using a cane. Feels much better than walking on the stupid knee, but I still feel inferior. ☹ My only consolation is that the girl i’m seeing cares about me a lot and encouraged me to get one. So at least she won’t laugh at me. Everyone else who sees me on the street… not so much. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/2 "2005-03-08T04:55:19Z")
Sweet. Just make sure no one sees you when you inevitably start swinging it around your house like a sword. ---
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/3 "2005-03-08T05:00:35Z")
Well, if it is any consolation, you have great taste. My first inclination would not be one of mockery but more of “wow, hey, cool cane”… much better than the sterile hospital ones. ---
**Author:** ![pendgwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@pendgwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pendgwen)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/4 "2005-03-08T05:15:15Z")
I think you should get one with a sword hidden inside. ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/5 "2005-03-08T05:23:26Z")
> [@pendgwen](#): > > I think you should get one with a sword hidden inside. My uncle got one of those in Thailand. Tres cool. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/6 "2005-03-08T05:40:18Z")
I forgot to mention that the first person on the street that mocks it is going to get a crook-shot to the chin. 🙂 And the sword ones _are_ cool, but also _uber_ illegal in California. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Foible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Foible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foible)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/7 "2005-03-08T05:45:36Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > I am now ripe for mockery. I feel like a fool, being 23 years old and using a cane. Feels much better than walking on the stupid knee, but I still feel inferior. You have no need to feel inferior! A cane or eyeglasses or any aid in no way makes you inferior. You may have a weak knee but now you’ve got a handy weapon! If you don’t like the implications of using a cane you might try a walking stick. I used to hike with a six foot maple staff. My grip was different than with a cane, I held it at a little below shoulder height and hung off it more than leaned on it. It seemed more stable than trying to keep my wrist, elbow, and shoulder rigid. With one of those at hand anyone mocking you had better be at least seven feet away. ---
**Author:** ![Time\_Like\_Tears](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df705f/32.png) [@Time\_Like\_Tears](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Like_Tears)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/8 "2005-03-08T05:49:16Z")
Don’t feel so bad, I also started using a cane at age 23. And yup, it’s one of those ugly as sin Wal Mart ones. I just figure that if anyone dares to mock me, they should expect the crack to their shins that will be swiftly delivered. Luckily I don’t need it all the time now that I don’t work standing up, but I keep it close in case there are stairs to navigate. My problem is in my hips, though. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/9 "2005-03-08T05:59:05Z")
That first one you link to is hot, man! I can picture you (well, anyone, really) with that, decked out in a tux (traditional, strictly black-and-white), lookin’ fine… Don’t sweat it, man. If it helps you walk, then use it. And maybe attach a stun gun or something to the bottom - someone mocks you, zap them! (If it makes you feel any better, I may end up beating you age-wise. I’m only 18 and have two seriously bad knees.) ---
**Author:** ![Verity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/76d3ee/32.png) [@Verity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verity)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/10 "2005-03-08T11:25:57Z")
_Pokes head out of lurkery_ Just _had_ to provide you with [this](http://www.encyclopedia-obscura.com/gencane.html)… _Flees back into the shadows_ ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/11 "2005-03-08T11:29:20Z")
> [@wolf in second hand clothing](#): > > Sweet. > > Just make sure no one sees you when you inevitably start swinging it around your house like a sword. Practice the cane-sword swinging first, then webcam it! Then we can GlobalMock. **GlobalMock** Hurtling Insults and Personal Remarks From Across The Planet in the Saftey of our Jammies! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/12 "2005-03-08T11:30:33Z")
Ok, on to more cereal business: You are a world traveler. You own a big fuzzy hat and you carry a cane. You are a superhero, aren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/13 "2005-03-08T12:50:39Z")
Don’t worry about the cane. That’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of and can even be dashing if you have the right sort of personality. On the other hand, I’m sure there are a lot of other things we can mock you about. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/14 "2005-03-08T13:07:50Z")
> [@Verity](#): > > Just _had_ to provide you with [this](http://www.encyclopedia-obscura.com/gencane.html)… If those guys can move like that they don’t need a cane. And **CG** , forget the concealed sword cane, get one that’s hollowed out and has flask in it! Also, get yourself an elegant brimmed hat to complete the dashing look. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/15 "2005-03-08T13:12:38Z")
Mock? No no no. I mocked my older brother by giving him a cane with an attached bicycle horn for his 30th birthday. (Which he used because of bad knees.) You, with the foresight of getting a stylish cane… Might I suggest a [flask cane](http://www.britishaccents.com/flwaca.html)? In case of emergency, don’cha know. I broke my pretty cane this weekend (stoopid car door) and I’m looking for a new one. ---
**Author:** ![Cerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@Cerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerri)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/16 "2005-03-08T13:55:45Z")
I like this one: [http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/12292.html](http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/12292.html) Course, you could always go with [url=http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/440.htmlThe Bull Penis Walking Cane. Apparently it really is made out of a bull’s penis too. Huh. Didn’t know they were _that_ long. > [@](#): > > You now own a unique item rich in background and history. A collectors item, as unique as the bull from whence it came. That line from the ad had me laughing so hard I choked on my Diet Coke. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Cerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@Cerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerri)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/17 "2005-03-08T13:58:44Z")
Bah, messed up the coding. Sorry, I need more sleep. =p [http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/bull\_organ\_penis\_walking\_cane.html](http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/bull_organ_penis_walking_cane.html) ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/18 "2005-03-08T14:10:02Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Ok, on to more cereal business: You are a world traveler. You own a big fuzzy hat and you carry a cane. > > You are a superhero, aren’t you? I was thinking early 70’s Huggy Bear, personally. Fuzzy hat? Stylin’ cane? Pimp Daddy Gabe! ---
**Author:** ![DWToml815](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DWToml815](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWToml815)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/19 "2005-03-08T16:23:28Z")
> [@MissTake](#): > > I was thinking early 70’s Huggy Bear, personally. Fuzzy hat? Stylin’ cane? Pimp Daddy Gabe! [Do you drive one of these by any chance?](http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=6305&item=4532480479&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW) ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502/20 "2005-03-08T18:24:05Z")
> [@Cerri](#): > > I like this one: [http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/12292.html](http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/12292.html) > > Course, you could always go with [url=http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/440.htmlThe Bull Penis Walking Cane. > > Apparently it really is made out of a bull’s penis too. Huh. Didn’t know they were _that_ long. > > That line from the ad had me laughing so hard I choked on my Diet Coke. ☹ Keep them away from dogs - the same material is braided into chew toys - a popular brand name is “bully sticks” I’m not sure what wierds me out more - that we’re using bull penises as chew toys and walking sticks, or that there are people willing to braid the stuff. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-im-now-ripe-for-mockery/293502.md?page=2)