# Well, Looks Like This May Be One Of My Final Posts Here... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 14, 2007, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567 "2007-08-14T16:19:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/21 "2007-08-14T17:35:31Z")
[QUOTE=BaneSidhe] Where in the HELL do you live if the spiders are as big as Sherman tanks, dude? Next to Three Mile Island??? [/QUOTE] New Jersey, it’s the chemicals from all the toxic waste sites, not the radiation. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/22 "2007-08-14T17:37:40Z")
WD-40 and a lighter! 😃 You will be well remembered if for nothing more than that contribution to Arachnid-hating society! Is there nothing WD-40 can’t do? ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/23 "2007-08-14T17:39:56Z")
Well, according to **Antigen** , you just have to call your boyfriend, **Hal**. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/24 "2007-08-14T17:46:11Z")
[QUOTE=if6was9] WD-40 and a lighter! 😃 You will be well remembered if for nothing more than that contribution to Arachnid-hating society! Is there nothing WD-40 can’t do? [/QUOTE] Pfft. Amateurs. Kill it with duct tape. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/25 "2007-08-14T17:48:57Z")
I can’t understand why **Hal** hates this Arachnid American, what did it _ever_ do to you, you _Speciest!_ I mean, everybody knows the Common Household Pufferspider (Arachnidae Inflatus) can grow to many times it’s actual size when threatened, Hal, you must be doing _something_ to scare the poor thing just leave it alone, and it will soon return to it’s original size and go back to it’s corner, protecting your house from Underpants Gnomes, which are the normal prey for Arachnidae Inflatus you don’t want to suffer an infestation of Underpants Gnomes, do you, those you _DO_ have to nuke from orbit to get rid of… ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/26 "2007-08-14T17:49:37Z")
Foolish human! The really really big spiders are the females…probably pregnant, too…with hundreds of baby spiders all intent on revenge. BOOHOOWAAHAHAHAHA!!! ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/27 "2007-08-14T17:54:17Z")
Most likely it will be satisfied with a blood sacrifice and the promise of a warm spot in your attic to live in. Run to the pet store and buy a little mouse or some other little furry offering. Write “apologies, Hal” in Sharpie on it’s side, and let it roam free. You’ll be off the hook. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/28 "2007-08-14T17:54:38Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Well, according to **Antigen** , you just have to call your boyfriend, **Hal**. [/QUOTE] **Hal** has a boyfriend named Hal? That’s got to be confusing. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/29 "2007-08-14T18:00:02Z")
[QUOTE=if6was9] WD-40 and a lighter! 😃 You will be well remembered if for nothing more than that contribution to Arachnid-hating society! [/QUOTE] Hey, waitaminute! It may be a bit of a shady loophole, but now that I think back, I promised that I wouldn’t try and kill bug with a [can of \*Pledge](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=426750)\* and a lighter! I don’t think I ever said a thing about WD-40! Damn…if only I’d remembered that at the time… [QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Well, according to **Antigen** , you just have to call your boyfriend, **Hal**. [/QUOTE] Damn you, heterosexuality! Always causing trouble! ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/30 "2007-08-14T18:14:14Z")
I think your only recourse now is to bulldoze your house. Then set it on fire. With a can of Pledge and a Bic lighter. But take down the new curtains first. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/31 "2007-08-14T18:18:28Z")
[QUOTE=Tupug Anachi] Foolish human! The really really big spiders are the females…probably pregnant, too…with hundreds of baby spiders all intent on revenge. BOOHOOWAAHAHAHAHA!!! [/QUOTE] _shiver_ That may be the single most horrible thing I’ve ever read on this board. You are a horrible person. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![DustyButt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@DustyButt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DustyButt)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/32 "2007-08-14T18:19:45Z")
Hal. I’m posting this from inside the spider. Help Me! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/33 "2007-08-14T18:23:22Z")
If it was really the size of a poodle, I’d probably try to catch it and eat it. That would be one more animal checked off my list! But hey, at least it’s not a scorpion. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/34 "2007-08-14T18:33:10Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] But hey, at least it’s not a scorpion. [/QUOTE] Oh, scorpions are cute. When I was five, maybe six, we vacationed at some relatives in Arizona. Those things were all over the place in this vacant lot we’d play in. You could wiggle a finger in front of them to get their attention, and then grab 'em by the stinger. I thought they were the coolest things ever. I was so pissed when mom wouldn’t let me bring a bucket of them home. About 10 years ago we rafted the length of the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. We slept under the stars, and the nights were quite warm so I slept on top of my sleeping bag. In the morning you would find scorpion tracks that led up to your bag and then continued from the other side. Spiders are Satan’s pets, though. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/35 "2007-08-14T18:33:35Z")
Why do I have fractured nursery rhymes running through my head? Mary had a little lamb. That someone likes to lay. Along came a spider. And frightened **Hal Briston** away ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/36 "2007-08-14T18:35:01Z")
[QUOTE=brownie55] New Jersey, it’s the chemicals from all the toxic waste sites, not the radiation. [/QUOTE] Too bad it’s not radioactive. Just think of all the cool spidey-powers **Hal** could get from it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/37 "2007-08-14T18:41:48Z")
[QUOTE=Tupug Anachi] Foolish human! The really really big spiders are the females…probably pregnant, too…with hundreds of baby spiders all intent on revenge. BOOHOOWAAHAHAHAHA!!! [/QUOTE] Let’s just hope it doesn’t turn into a clown that likes to feast on children. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/38 "2007-08-14T18:59:57Z")
[QUOTE=cochrane] Too bad it’s not radioactive. Just think of all the cool spidey-powers **Hal** could get from it. 😃 [/QUOTE] Correction: Think of all the cool spidey-powers Hal’s headless corpse could get after it bit his head off to use as bait for VW Beetle sized flies. Because you know it’s got a picture of him and is practicing shooting webbing at him, _right now!_ ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/39 "2007-08-14T19:29:16Z")
It’s not that spider you need to worry about… it’s which pillow did she lay her thousands and thousands of eggs in. Hope it wasn’t yours. Does Hal Briston dream of Electric Sheep? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567/40 "2007-08-14T19:36:11Z")
[QUOTE=photopat] Correction: Think of all the cool spidey-powers Hal’s headless corpse could get after it bit his head off to use as bait for VW Beetle sized flies. Because you know it’s got a picture of him and is practicing shooting webbing at him, _right now!_ [/QUOTE] I can hear it now: [_Hal Briston, caught up in the web in falsetto_](http://alpha.fdu.edu/~boyer/Fly.jpeg) “Help me…! Heeeelp Meee!!!” You know, I live in NJ and have a pair of insect-stomping hiking boots and I’m looking for work. I could mash that arachnid and all its kin for less than the cost of 3 crave cases. There has to be a 1099 so there’s no ‘Zoë Baird’ issues though… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-looks-like-this-may-be-one-of-my-final-posts-here/415567.md?page=3)