# Well, my boss wins the "Worst Boss of the Week" award. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 12, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276 "2005-09-12T17:41:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/41 "2005-09-14T17:20:11Z")
pepperspray on the car door handle is my favorite. ---
**Author:** ![sj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@sj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sj2)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/42 "2005-09-14T18:04:52Z")
> [@bdgr](#): > > pepperspray on the car door handle is my favorite. Brilliant! My worst was scotch tape over the infared mouse. šŸ†’ ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/43 "2005-09-14T19:31:38Z")
Well, if office pranks are accepted: -Any computer savvy person can advise you as to which files you can delete or modify which will aggravate him without bringing work to a standstill. Which computer applications does he use? -Whenever a fluorescent tube starts buzzing anywhere in the building, switch it with a good one from the bossā€™s office. -Occasional ā€œripeā€ items hidden in his office. Switch plates can be removed from electrical outlets (be careful!) to allow access to drop items within a wall. -Remove a little bit of a table leg, just enough to give a little wobble. -Remove things from his office, then replace them. -In general, make his office an annoyance. Iā€™m still in favor of the golf thing. If he leaves his golf bag in the office while he is gone for an extended period of time, bring his clubs to the pro shop, and have every club shortened by an inch or two. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/44 "2005-09-14T19:42:03Z")
Fill his hovercraft with eels. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/45 "2005-09-14T19:42:29Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > Does he have his own bathroom at work? Perhaps you could sneak in and give him an upper-decker. šŸ˜ƒ What does this mean, please? ---
**Author:** ![Corii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Corii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corii)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/46 "2005-09-14T19:43:35Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > What does this mean, please? Leaving a bowel movement in the upper water tank of the toilet, instead of the toilet bowl. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/47 "2005-09-14T20:19:01Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > Or, pour [motor oil] onto his engine, daily. > > The leak, plus a strong smokey smell. Would it work if the oil were poured on the tail pipe, too? Not very many engines are accessible without breaking into the car. ---
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/48 "2005-09-14T20:21:56Z")
This one worked especially well in college, when everyone had papers to write. It might still work in some offices. In MS Word, change the font on your bossā€™ computer to white, on all his important documents. Leave the docs there, just make it look like theyā€™re all empty. Good for a heart attack, at least! ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/49 "2005-09-14T20:32:32Z")
Or, along the same lines as Stargazer suggests, record new macros for all his function keys. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/50 "2005-09-14T21:27:29Z")
If anyone in the office has any leftover medication prescribed for a urinary tract infection (the kind of med that turns the patientā€™s urine blue), itā€™s kinda fun to drop a tablet or two in the weiner headā€™s coffee. Itā€™s pretty much assured that after his next trip to the can youā€™ll see him leaving the building in a big hurry on his way to the doctor. ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/51 "2005-09-14T21:29:06Z")
Fantasies I had for my old boss, who paged me late one night to ask how to turn on the screen light on his Blackberry, then paged me a few minutes later to ask how to turn it off, among other things. Please note these are probably illegal and should not be attempted by anyone, at any time. Preface for #1 and #2 - he was Canadian, eh, and flew back and forth between Chicago and Toronto. #1 - Drive to Indiana and buy a bunch of firecrackers. Open and sprinkle the gunpowder on the carpet under his desk, so it gets all in his shoes and socks. He goes to the airport, takes off shoes, and the sniffer machine picks up the gunpowder. #2 - Buy large amount of pot, sprinkle on carpet under his desk, so it gets all in his shoes and socks. Airport + drug sniffing dogs = hilarity! #3 - Go to porno shop, get a bunch of subscription cards for the magazines, and fill out with his name and work address. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/52 "2005-09-14T22:35:16Z")
Please tell me your bossā€™s boss has stepped in and fired the twit. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/53 "2005-09-14T22:48:19Z")
Note to self: do not piss off **5que** ā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/54 "2005-09-15T00:56:46Z")
I think if you are gonna put some old food in his officeā€“go with strawberries. They wonā€™t really be smelly, so he wonā€™t be looking too hard for them, but as I recall from college they draw fruit flies in a couple hours. Maybe hide them Friday afternoon after he has left and close up his office. By Monday his office will be crazy with little flies. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/55 "2005-09-15T01:21:52Z")
Buy a bunch of little cartons of milk, and then open them. Hide them around his office. Nothing reeks like sour milk. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/56 "2005-09-15T10:22:06Z")
Is he married? Have some young sounding woman call his wife and demand she (the wife) leave him since the caller and the boss obviously love each other more. Or, have someone call his wife and tell her that the boss is cheating on her, and since the caller had been in cheated in the past before, the caller thought that the wife should know. > [@5que](#): > > #3 - Go to porno shop, get a bunch of subscription cards for the magazines, and fill out with his name and work address. Back in high school, we did this to a guy with every mail back post card we could find. I would only do ones for free information, and didnā€™t do magazine subscription cards, but other people did. This guy was receiving scores or sometimes hundreds of letters a day. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/57 "2005-09-15T13:27:45Z")
Along the lines of subscription cards: if someone else opens his mail (and many boss-type people have their secretaries open their mail before they ever see it), you can request some free samples of stuff over the web and have it sent to his work address. This could start a nice gossip chain going about him. Kick off the campaign with [Astroglide](http://www.astroglide.com/SampleRequest.asp) and [Trojans](http://www.trojancondoms.com/freestuff/product/) (links go to ā€œrequest a sampleā€ pages). ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/58 "2005-09-15T13:32:54Z")
> [@TokyoPlayer](#): > > Is he married? Have some young sounding woman call his wife and demand she (the wife) leave him since the caller and the boss obviously love each other more. > > Or, have someone call his wife and tell her that the boss is cheating on her, and since the caller had been in cheated in the past before, the caller thought that the wife should know. Not sure itā€™s worth destroying the guyā€™s marriageā€¦ Or his wifeā€™s, who may be a fine human being who never did anything wrong but fall in love with a selfish prick. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/59 "2005-09-15T17:00:15Z")
This is one I just came up with today and itā€™s so incredibly evil, I feel compelled to put it in spoiler boxes so that small children and women of delicate constitution can avoid it. Find out his home phone number, and then advertise it everywhere as a suicide hotline number. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276/60 "2005-09-15T17:08:59Z")
Duuuuude! Word!!! Donā€™t just do that. But - Post it **only** in bathrooms of country clubs, and golf courses. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-my-boss-wins-the-worst-boss-of-the-week-award/321276.md?page=4)