# Well, ok, Cancer it is then. Sigh. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 29, 2006, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340 "2006-03-29T02:05:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/21 "2006-03-29T16:52:32Z")
You don’t have to be strong, you just have to be there. ---
**Author:** ![Den\_Mum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@Den\_Mum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Den_Mum)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/22 "2006-03-29T16:58:03Z")
Damn! Just Damn! **{{{{{{{{{{{Picunurse}}}}}}}}}}}}}** ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/23 "2006-03-29T17:03:23Z")
> [@Den Mum](#): > > Damn! Just Damn! > > **{{{{{{{{{{{Picunurse}}}}}}}}}}}}}** Dammit! That was actually me! But **Den Mum** sends her thoughts also. Stoopit computer! ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/24 "2006-03-29T17:23:08Z")
Hugs & prayers from me, too. ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/25 "2006-03-29T18:39:51Z")
Add my hugs too, **Picunurse,** **Picuhubby** and **Picumom.** If your mother-in-law is going to be treated at our new cancer center here in Burien, let me know. I’ll bring you lunch or dinner so you don’t have to have to be too far away when you’d rather stay near. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/26 "2006-03-29T20:31:03Z")
I’m sorry about your MIL, **picunurse**. I hope that she gets the treatment she needs and makes a full recovery. All the best to her, you, and your families. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/27 "2006-03-29T20:46:51Z")
Thank you all. We won’t know anything else until she sees the internist, who will determine if and when she’ll be healthy enough for surgery. Once she has surgery, we’ll know how extensive it is. Again thank you for your kindness. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/28 "2006-03-30T02:10:43Z")
From my very limited time here, I have seen so many kind, gracious, and generous things you have offered to the members. I hate hearing this, and just wish for the best for your MIL. We will keep her in our thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/29 "2006-03-30T02:10:55Z")
Add my hopes and wishes for the best possible outcome. ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/30 "2006-03-30T02:12:37Z")
Sorry, meant to add that we will keep YOU in our thoughts as well… ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/31 "2006-03-30T04:42:15Z")
My thoughts are with you and yours, **picnurse**. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/32 "2006-03-30T08:59:26Z")
{{{{ **picunurse family** }}}} ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/33 "2006-03-30T09:26:42Z")
I add my hopes, prayers, and best wishes to all the others. Cancer can be beaten. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/34 "2006-04-09T19:13:12Z")
Mom goes to see the internist a week from Monday (He’s the HMO gate keeper) Then she sees the surgeon for the first time on the following Thursday. Hubby just isn’t handling it well at all. He says he doesn’t even want to meet the doctor. He might have been an ostridge in a past life. He seems to like burying his haed in the sand. The folks live in Sequim, abour 75 miles away. The trip requires a half hour ferry ride, and then the drive through the forest, through Indian territory. (Ok, it’s just the reservation, with the nice casino.) The appointment on Monday is about a 40 minute drive from their house to Bremerton. Then the surgeon is here, in Seattle. Pop is in his 80s and doesn’t drive so well any more, anyway. With the stress they’re under now, he’d probably run over someone. So. I’m driving my car over Sunday night. I’ll drive them in their car, to the doctor on Monday. Then I’ll spend Tuesday night over there. On Wednesday, I’ll driver them, in their car back to our house in Seattle, where they’ll spend the night. Then, take mom to her appointment on Thursday morning. Then, after lunch, I’ll take them back to Sequim, pick up my car and come home. She wants me to go into the little room with her, for both appointments, so I can translate what the doctors say into English for her, and the rest of the family. It’s going to be a long few days. I worry so about my honey. He’s never lost anyone he loves, and he’s a born worrier. He isn’t talking to me like he usually does when he’s upset. What he does instead is drive. He’s been going out just to drive around just about every day (or night) since we got the news. Sometimes I go along, but most of the time he just says he wants to think. The other thing is, he tends to displace fear with anger. We don’t fight, we talk. But now, he gets mad at me over anything, sometimes, over nothing. We do talk about it later, and he always recognizes what he’s done. I just hate being yelled at, even when I know it’s not really me he’s yelling at. It’s just stressing me a little more than I like. After he left for work this morning, I put on some sad music and sat here and cried for a half hour. I think it helped. Thanks for letting me vent. (you did say I could) Thank you. M ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/35 "2006-04-09T19:47:17Z")
What will hubby be doing while you’re helping out? Is he going to be with you and his parents, or is it just you? Maybe it’d help him get through this if he could help. The hardest part for most of us is wanting to do something but not knowing what that might be. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/36 "2006-04-09T19:51:13Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > Mom goes to see the internist a week from Monday (He’s the HMO gate keeper) Then she sees the surgeon for the first time on the following Thursday. > Hubby just isn’t handling it well at all. He says he doesn’t even want to meet the doctor. He might have been an ostridge in a past life. He seems to like burying his haed in the sand. > The folks live in Sequim, abour 75 miles away. The trip requires a half hour ferry ride, and then the drive through the forest, through Indian territory. (Ok, it’s just the reservation, with the nice casino.) > The appointment on Monday is about a 40 minute drive from their house to Bremerton. Then the surgeon is here, in Seattle. > Pop is in his 80s and doesn’t drive so well any more, anyway. With the stress they’re under now, he’d probably run over someone. > So. I’m driving my car over Sunday night. I’ll drive them in their car, to the doctor on Monday. Then I’ll spend Tuesday night over there. On Wednesday, I’ll driver them, in their car back to our house in Seattle, where they’ll spend the night. Then, take mom to her appointment on Thursday morning. Then, after lunch, I’ll take them back to Sequim, pick up my car and come home. > She wants me to go into the little room with her, for both appointments, so I can translate what the doctors say into English for her, and the rest of the family. > It’s going to be a long few days. > I worry so about my honey. He’s never lost anyone he loves, and he’s a born worrier. > He isn’t talking to me like he usually does when he’s upset. What he does instead is drive. He’s been going out just to drive around just about every day (or night) since we got the news. Sometimes I go along, but most of the time he just says he wants to think. > The other thing is, he tends to displace fear with anger. We don’t fight, we talk. But now, he gets mad at me over anything, sometimes, over nothing. We do talk about it later, and he always recognizes what he’s done. I just hate being yelled at, even when I know it’s not really me he’s yelling at. > It’s just stressing me a little more than I like. After he left for work this morning, I put on some sad music and sat here and cried for a half hour. I think it helped. > Thanks for letting me vent. > (you did say I could) > Thank you. > M Still sending my best wishes and hugs to you and yours **picunurse.** You’re right, different folks handle stress in different ways. I really hope your hubby can start talking to you instead of lashing out at you. I’m glad you can come here and vent or hash it out. This board is amazing and most of the people here are full of grace and kindness when one of us is having a difficult time. I hope things turn out better than expected at the appointments. Be sure to rest up and take care of yourself as well. You are going to be A LOT of driving, not to mention dealing the reason for all of this. ---
**Author:** ![Accidental\_Yuppie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e56c9b/32.png) [@Accidental\_Yuppie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Accidental_Yuppie)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/37 "2006-04-09T22:10:50Z")
> [@Taters](#): > > I hope things turn out better than expected at the appointments. Be sure to rest up and take care of yourself as well. You are going to be A LOT of driving, not to mention dealing the reason for all of this. I hope things turn out for the best, picnurse. The outcome will be largely dependent on how early the cancer was caught, this will actually be a much larger factor than her general physical health. Someone should be with her when she meets with the doctor. Be sure to take notes and make sure you know how all the technical stuff ( the exact type of cancer and the names of drugs and treatments) is spelled. This will make it easier to research later. My SO died of pancreatic cancer a year ago, and a good friend of mine was just diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. The best advice I can give is not to get too hung up on trying to anticipate the future, what happens is going to happen whether or not you obsess and worry beforehand. Instead, just take things one day at a time ( and if that is too much take them 15 minutes at a time). I also highly recommend the cancer resources at [http://www.acor.org](http://www.acor.org) You can join a mailing list for people fighting that particular cancer and talk about symptom relief, treatments, side effects and engage in emotional rants as needed. The correspondence is also kept in a searchable archive and everything is free. Again, I am sorry to hear you news and I wish you and your family well. Barbara ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/38 "2006-04-09T23:46:04Z")
> [@Accidental Yuppie](#): > > I hope things turn out for the best, picnurse. The outcome will be largely dependent on how early the cancer was caught, this will actually be a much larger factor than her general physical health. > > Someone should be with her when she meets with the doctor. Be sure to take notes and make sure you know how all the technical stuff ( the exact type of cancer and the names of drugs and treatments) is spelled. This will make it easier to research later. > > My SO died of pancreatic cancer a year ago, and a good friend of mine was just diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. The best advice I can give is not to get too hung up on trying to anticipate the future, what happens is going to happen whether or not you obsess and worry beforehand. Instead, just take things one day at a time ( and if that is too much take them 15 minutes at a time). > > I also highly recommend the cancer resources at [http://www.acor.org](http://www.acor.org) > You can join a mailing list for people fighting that particular cancer and talk about symptom relief, treatments, side effects and engage in emotional rants as needed. The correspondence is also kept in a searchable archive and everything is free. > > Again, I am sorry to hear you news and I wish you and your family well. > > Barbara Thank you **Barbara** , I’m sorry for your loss. A year isn’t very long. I’ve already give the folks some informational websites. Since it was discovered during her routine colonoscopy, she’s asymptomic, and there’s no obstruction, I’m hoping it can continue to be routine. I haven’t mentioned the possibility of a colostomy, I’ll let the doctor do that. I think, she thinks that would be worse than dying. The physical part is pretty straight forward to me. After 40 years in critical care, that part is a snap. My husband is an EMT, and I truly believe it does him more harm than good. The old saw that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, surely holds true for him. **Taters** I just get frustrated. Lashing out is actually too strong to describe what he does. He’ more like a sad, sick puppy. He want’s to be petted, but he wants to bite something too. He mopes around all day, then has a 5 second burst of energy that comes out in a big whosh of swear words. And we do talk. It’s hard for him because he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel. Right now all he feels is lack of control. It’s only the fact that our respective neuroses aren’t meshing properly for the first time in 10 years that makes it so hard. We’re both givers, and fixers and right now neither of us can fix what’s looming over us. **AuntiePam** , He works 24 hour shifts every third day, so it just won’t work out for him to come along this time. He can’t take any time off right now because he was out for 9 weeks with pertussis in November and December. He does have some vacation, but he needs to save it for when she has the surgery. I don’t mind helping them at all. I do feel spread a little thin, but I’m used to it. I had to take care of him when he tried to die from a childhood illness, that I had at the same time too. I still have a cough, his is almost gone. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2006, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/39 "2006-04-10T01:05:43Z")
Coming face to face with a parent’s mortality is unlike anything else a person has to do. On the other hand, colon cancer is among the most curable cancers. My wife survived it, and she’s doing fine. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340/40 "2006-04-21T09:45:29Z")
I spent the last 4 days on the Olympic penninsula, driving to various doctor’s appointments, culminating in the appt with the surgeon here in Seattle. We have a surgery date. May 9th. She will have an abdominal CAT scan tomorrow to check for mets. If they find none, it’s onward and upward. The surgeon was about 14 years old, Ok, may 30, he looked 14 to me. I asked him how many times he’d performed this particular surgery. His answer must have been honest, he said about 50. If he was going to lie, he would have said hundreds. He has a calm and confident demeanor. He was positive without being a cheerleader. He says a colostomy is only a remote possibility. He felt her respiratory status has been stable long enough that she should have no trouble coming off the ventilator. He doesn’t think she’ll need to be in the hospital for more than 5 days. He made no mention of chemotherapy after the surgery, but being a co’op, her healthcare provider is a [Hydra.](http://www.pantheon.org/articles/h/hydra.html) On Monday, I took her to see the internist for the overview and physical. He too, seemed to be knowledgeble, however, he told us absolute worst case scenaro. We all left his office a little down. He talked about complications that, in my opinion, won’t be issues. Well, someone has to do worst case, for it to be true informed consent. The surgeon was worried that she couldn’t get the CAT scan soon enough to go ahead on the 9th. I put on my “Won’t take NO” face and called her clinic. In less than 10 minutes I had an appt made for tomorrow. I’m so relieved… Hubby was happy to see me when I got home yesterday, but he’s still pretty non-functioning. He said he was going to make dinner, but couldn’t seem to get started. So I made dinner. He said he’d clean up after, but… I did the dishes ,:rolleyes: This morning we were supposed to go out to breakfast, but he just couldn’t get in gear, so I made breakfast for everyone. He said he’d clean up… as soon as we got home from the doctor. He did go to the doctor with us, but when things got too much, he had to step out. The folks wanted to go home. Hubby just couldn’t keep his eyes open, so I drove them back while he took a nap. Yes, he did do the dishes. He works tomorrow, so I can’t get too upset. It’s just a good thing I love him! It was a long few days, but, at least we know what to expect and when. I’m going to set this all aside tomorrow for a few hours, and just go do something mindless, just for myself. Maybe I’ll have a real person cut my hair… I don’t think so… I hate having strangers touch my hair. I’ll think of something… Once again, I have to thank all of you for being so kind. If good wishes were pennies, I’d be a very wealthy woman right now. An in a more important way, I am. 🙂 You guys are fantastic. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-ok-cancer-it-is-then-sigh/350340.md?page=3)