# Well \*that\* wasn't supposed to happen, or, bella gets knocked up **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 11, 2002, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843 "2002-10-11T17:33:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lord\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@Lord\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/41 "2002-10-12T04:23:21Z")
You can’t go wrong with a _duck_ joke. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/42 "2002-10-12T06:04:23Z")
**Bella** , this is the best post I could think of. Thank you, **Zev.** > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zev\_steinhardt \* > \*\*Growing up (I had one sister), I always used to wonder how parents could not have a favorite. For example, I had a favorite aunt. That didn’t mean I didn’t love my other aunts, but I had one that was my favorite, for reasons of my own. Likewise, I had a favorite cousin, etc. So, I wondered to myself, how could parents not have a favorite? I didn’t for one second think that my parents didn’t love me or my sister and, in fact, it never really bothered me one way or the other whether they loved me more or my sister. But, I figured, one of us had to be the favorite. > > Now that I am the father of three, I understand a little better, and will try to give you an insight. I have three children, Avraham (male, 8), Chaim (male, 6) and Tzivya (female, 5). > > Avraham is my favorite child. He is my favorite because he is sharp as a tack. He’s extremely intelligent and I draw intense pride from his intelligence and the way he utilizes it. This is the kid who, at age five, on his own, explained to his kindergarten teachers what the trachea and esophogus were (my wife witnessed that exchange). When he brings home notes from his teachers saying that he is doing excellently, I have such _nachas_ from him that I practically _kvell_. Another reason that Avraham is my favorite is because of his intense interest in animals and will spend every spare moment he has either reading about animals or playing Microsoft’s Zoo Tycoon on the computer. To him, a trip to the zoo isn’t just an outing, it’s an adventure. > > Chaim is my favorite child. Chaim is my favorite child because of his sensitivity and intelligence. Chaim is more sensitive to the feelings of others than any other child I know. He will voluntarily give up his toys to other children, if keeping them will make them unhappy. He always has everyone’s best interests at heart. He’s the kid that if someone gave him two lollipops, he’d probably give them to his brother and sister. Chaim is also my favorite because of his intelligence. If you thought Avraham was smart, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Chaim taught himself to read at age three. Since he was yet a toddler, he always had a fascination with letters and numbers and could identify capital, lowercase and Hebrew letters at an extremely early age. Chaim is my favorite because he is a natural teacher. He will sit down with his sister and try to teach her to read. If he’s reading a book to her, he will stop and explain concepts he feels she might not understand. > > Tzivya is my favorite. Tzivya is my favorite because of her sweetness, her grace and her smile. Tzivya’s smile could make your heart melt (true, I’m a bit biased on the matter…). Tzivya is my favorite because she is so fun. I can tease her, as a father, in ways that I cannot do with my boys. A long-running joke in my house is that we are going to change her name to “Hossenpfeffer.” She loves it when I play these games with her. I can tell her that I found a quarter behind her ear while we are waiting for her school bus. I can’t do that with my boys. Tzivya is my favorite because she is a joy to be around. > > So, to sum it all up, all of my kids are my favorites, for different reasons. And I now understand the answer to the question that I had throughout my childhood. > > Zev Steinhardt \*\* ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/43 "2002-10-12T11:05:49Z")
> [@](#): > > I guess we’ll just name him ‘Boy’. I had a friend whose honest to God name was Boy—he was the youngest of about a jillion kids and his parents couldn’t agree on a name. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/44 "2002-10-12T11:28:05Z")
**Zev** that’s exactly right. My son is my favorite because he is my boy, and my daughter is my favorite because she is my girl. Parent love is on a whole 'nuther plane. I saw a billboard once for a hospital that summed it up for me. It was a woman looking down with awe and love at her baby, and the caption was, “Now I know why they call it making love.” ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/45 "2002-10-12T12:27:36Z")
**MsWhatsit** –he’s an absolute darling! That’s a great web site, it’s so _big_! I’m impressed. I really love the one on the very bottom of the first page, where he’s coiled up into a ball. So sweet. 🙂 **Scotticher** –that was the best joke I’ve heard in ages, so if you’ve got a weird sense of humor I’m right there with you. Flaming Ducks—heh heh, snort. 😛 And **St. Germain** , thank you for posting **Zev** ’s lovely sentiments here. I don’t know that I’ve ever read something that addressed the love for multiple children quite so beautifully. I was one of **six** daughters, and sometimes felt a bit lost in the crowd; but I know we were all loved, and we were all special for one reason or another. Hell, if my mom could do it six times over, I don’t guess twice is going to do _me_ in! If I could get lucky like **ivylass** , and get a girl to round out the set I’d be thrilled. If only because I know that at _some_ point in my life I’d like to have a daughter, and if I can do it now than I won’t ever have to do this again. 😃 bella–gratefully ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/46 "2002-10-12T12:41:24Z")
You know, when I got pregnant (planned, as it happened) I spent a lot of time worrying how I was going to tell my dissertation chair. I figured she’d be very negative since I was slow in finishing my PhD and obviously a baby was only going to delay things further. Worrying about this was the dark spot of an otherwise joyous event for me. As it turns out, she was happy for me (thank heavens) but I’d rehearsed what to say if she started being negative. I was going to say something like: “I realize that the timing may not be ideal, but now that it’s a fait accompli we’re treating this as joyous news. I would like for you to be happy for me, or, at the very least, try not to share your negative feelings.” I had hoped to head her off at the pass by saying that–acknowledging her feelings, but letting her know they were irrelevant now. You do not need to apologize to your parents, or plead with them. The fact is, you’re pregnant. It’s not like you’re asking them if they think you should try to get pregnant. It’s DONE. You need their support right now. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/47 "2002-10-12T12:50:01Z")
You’re absolutely right, **Cranky**. I’ve been trying to think about how I’m going to break it to them out of the blue. I hadn’t even told them me and my husband were trying to reconcile yet, so now it’s going to be two big whammies all at once. ::sigh:: It’s not like they’re terrible people who are going to shun me for fornication or anything, I just know they–my father especially–will worry and question my judgement, and that makes me feel like a disobediant child. Ugh. I like the way you put it though–“now that it’s a fait accompli we’re treating this as joyous news”. Mind if I steal that? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/48 "2002-10-12T13:02:30Z")
I awfully glad my father was “oopsed!” into this world! He was the last of six. Grandma had five in about a nine year span, and then, after an almost seven year gap when she was nearly forty, along comes the boy who would be my dad! ---
**Author:** ![MamaHen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c89c15/32.png) [@MamaHen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MamaHen)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/49 "2002-10-12T17:16:16Z")
My daughter was born 15 and a half months after my son. She was not planned at all and when I found out I cried. I wasn’t ready to have another baby. I was still getting to know my son, he was barely 7 months old. I had only been married to my husband for 5 months and things were tense. My daughter changed my life from the minute I found out about her. It was a horrible pregnancy and many nights I found myself wondering if I had done the right thing. Then came the ultrasound, they said she wasn’t developed, that she probably wouldn’t survive. I was terrified. My parents who had been calling me irresponsible only months before were flying in from out of state. A month later Luci was born prefectly normal. She did change my life but in such a wonderful way! She changed my son, he’s an amzing brother and she adores him. I think back now and can’t understand what all the fuss was about 🙂 Best of luck to you and your oops baby from me and mine. ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/50 "2002-10-12T18:10:46Z")
Most of you know that I have five little darling heathens running around. 13,12,11,6,&5. My two youngest are the same age for a month. Nothing like going in for your six week check up and being told you get to do it all over again after just delivering a ten and a half pound boy! Yeppers, the tubes were tied 24 hours after my baby girl was born. A friend of mine even offered to sleep at the end of my bed in the hospital so that I wouldn’t be pregnant by the next morning.😃 We were flat broke living in a three bedroom trailer. Him with negative paychecks due to child support and me in between jobs due to just having a baby. He yelled, I cried. “What are we going to do now?” he asked. “You better think of baby names and start re-arranging furniture” was my reply. Everything we have gone through in the past eight years together with the children I wouldn’t give up for the world. All the struggling, the pain, illness, heartache, living not even close to paycheck to paycheck, bills not paid, not eating so they could amounts to nothing compaired to the happiness and the laughter one or the other seems to bring to us daily. Word of advice I give to all pregnant women…Do NOT read four books of Calvin and Hobbes in one shot while you are pregnant!!! If you listen to nothing else I say, listen to me on this!! I swear we should have named our youngest son Calvin! Imagination like you wouldn’t believe! We never know what to expect from him. I know, long post, rambling on…but I am here for you if you need a shoulder. Laughter, tears, screaming, yelling, ranting, raving…I’ve been through alot. Oldest child is my hubbies daughter, but the middle two I had before I graduated high school and was living on my own and working, and you got a short story of the youngest two. E-mail me or IM me for anything! ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/51 "2002-10-12T21:03:34Z")
I’m glad you liked my joke, hon. And **Kricket**? Just thought I’d remind you that I think you are wonderful, my friend. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/52 "2002-10-12T22:30:39Z")
**Baker** –that sounds a lot like my mom—forty years old, four kids, the youngest one already 8, and \>BAM\< preggers. Of course it was twins, just to make things really interesting. And **Kricket** –wow! I’ve gotta agree with **Scotticher** here–that’s amazing. It sounds like your kids are lucky enough to have a mom who cares for them an awful lot. Thanks to **MamaHen** too, for your warm wishes. If this thread is any indication of the population at large, there must be a _ton_ of ooops babies out there. A long proud tradition, and all that. 🙂 Thanks again to everyone. I’m so happy I started this thread now. I hesitated at first, but it really has made me feel **so** much better about the whole situation to hear from other women who made it through. You guys rock! bella ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/53 "2002-10-12T22:43:16Z")
AS do YOU, sweetheart…you are brave and strong and loving, and I have a feeling things are going to work out just FINE. (Just let me know when I get to babysit!) Now that we have THAT settled, do you think there is anything we can do about my HAIR? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/54 "2002-10-13T00:38:41Z")
**belladonna,** I tried very hard to post here yesterday, but I kept getting booted right in the middle. I’m glad you’re feeling better about things, though. I really am. My youngest child, my son John (affectionately known as “Johnzilla”), just turned three. When I found out I was pregnant with him, my first thoughts were the same as yours, I swear. My husband and I didn’t want any more kids. He was my fifth pregnancy. My first was given up for adoption, my second was aborted, my third was miscarried, my fourth was planned. With the exception of the miscarriage, each decision I made regarding those pregnancies, at the time I had to make them, was the right one. But when I got pregnant again, well, the only reasons I could think of for not continuing the pregnancy were, IMHO, just selfish ones. It’s not like I was too young, or unable to provide, or any of the valid reasons for aborting or relinquishing for adoption, which I had already done. So I talked to my husband and my mom (who had been with me every step of the way during all of my other pregnancies), and pretty quickly came to the conclusion that having one more really wouldn’t be a bad thing. And in fact, it hasn’t been. While he came by his nickname of “Johnzilla” quite honestly (along with his older sister, Dianasaurus Rex), he’s a wonderful little boy, and I’m SO damn happy I had him. But my husband did get a vasectomy four weeks after John was born. Oh yeah. 😃 ((((belladonna)))) If you ever want or need to chat about anything, I’m at [demetersdaughter67@hotmail.com](mailto:demetersdaughter67@hotmail.com). Much love, Cristi ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/55 "2002-10-13T04:03:29Z")
Bella, for what it’s worth, I had the exact same feelings of “oh, no” when I discovered my second pregnancy…and he was PLANNED!!! I was solidly married at the time but separated by the time he was three and divorced when he was five. No one in this world can foresee what will happen for you. Even though it was really rough for the years I was “single parenting,” right now I’m looking at him snoozing on the couch. Yesterday he turned 19 and I wouldn’t trade him and all the hardship for anything. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/56 "2002-10-13T14:38:56Z")
Bela, I just wanted to wish you a sense of peace at this crazy time. FWIW, one year and two weeks after my cousin had her first baby, she gave birth to her surprise second son. Eighteen months after that surprise, came another surprise, a little girl. She is due to give birth to her fourth ( and final child, a girl) in the next month or so. First and last were planned. They couldn’t be happier and more tired. ---
**Author:** ![SamIAm336](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SamIAm336](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SamIAm336)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/57 "2002-10-13T17:02:42Z")
Wow! you can’t ask for better support than this group. No matter what you decide, remember, it is YOUR decision. If it helps at all I will tell what happened to me. I had 2 kids and had just that week decided to leave my husband when I found out I was pregnant again. The baby was a boy and was a truly wonderful child. I couldn’t have done it on my own. and don’t regret the decision. Just remeber to do what is best for you and your son. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/58 "2002-10-13T18:27:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SamIAm336 \* > \*\*Wow! you can’t ask for better support than this group. \*\* I couldn’t have said it better myself, **SamIAm**. Sometimes I’m amazed at what a wonderful bunch of people we have hanging out around here. Without exception, every single person who posted to this thread was kind, understanding, and supportive. Try finding that _anywhere_ else, and you’d be searching for a long, long time I’m afraid. I think **Persephone** nailed it dead on with the comment “the only reasons I could think of for not continuing the pregnancy were, IMHO, just selfish ones”. That’s exactly how I’m feeling, and it’s a relief knowing I’m not totally alone in all this. I thank **all** of you who helped me see through my initial panic Hugs for all! bella ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/59 "2002-10-13T20:27:38Z")
Best wishes Bella, Both of my kids are surprise babies - and yet both were planned and worked for. My husband and I tried for three years to conceive, then adopted a baby boy from South Korea - a surprise in that it wasn’t what we had originally planned - although its pretty hard to wake up one day and be surprised with a pink line through the homestudy! As soon as he came home, we discovered our daughter was on her way - yep, preggers. They are less than thirteen months apart and arrived only seven months apart. It took both my husband and I a long time to come to terms with the pregnancy. (We are still coming to terms with our daughter, but that may be that she started practicing being “two” the day she arrived, and at three is just starting to leave “two” behind.) I am of the belief that even planned for babies are surprises when it actually occurs, and it doesn’t make any difference how big your bank account is or how stable your relationship is - no one is REALLY ready for any child that arrives in their lives. Besides, money comes and goes, and even women with marriages they believe are rock solid wake up to find themselves suddenly single. Enjoy your pregnancy. May it be healthy and joyful and my you have a short labor and a healthy baby. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843/60 "2002-10-13T20:29:46Z")
(And wasn’t it you who was supposed to be teaching us to knit with that vagina? This is what you get for dropping stitches.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-that-wasnt-supposed-to-happen-or-bella-gets-knocked-up/131843.md?page=4)