# Well this is a new reason to be up at night **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 26, 2015, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644 "2015-02-26T05:29:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/1 "2015-02-26T05:29:14Z")
As an insomniac I have spent many long nights awake after being interrupted while finally hitting the verge of sleep. Once that moment is gone, it is gone. ☹ Anyway, what is the novel new reason I got snapped out of drift off time tonight? Freakin’ rat doing laps in my toilet. Last night I heard the scratching of a mouse(I thought), and grudgingly climbed out of bed to set the traps. Then just as I got near sleep again, SNAP!!. but it missed. All I could do was reset it and go back to bed, finally getting a generous 2 hours of sleep. I kind of forgot about that today, and being tired as hell went to bed early. Just as dream time started I was snapped out of it. My mind slowly took stock of the real world. That sound is unusual at night. That sound is alarming. That sound is water. There should be no water sounds in the house at night. Shit, blown pipe? Get the hell out of bed and check it out. Sound coming from bathroom. Sound coming from toilet. Lights on and… Freakin rat splashing in the toilet! Searching for relevant experience files… No files found! Improvise. Flush toilet? No, might clog things up. Slam lid, throw full hamper on it, and wait for full consciousness? Yeah let’s do that. So I went outside and smoked, and reviewed my options. Having no wheelbarrow, I decided on my most relevant assets. Heavy boots(don’t want no nasty toilet rat biting my toes) 35 gallon trash can-empty reachy-grabby I keep around for when my back goes out So I closed the bathroom removed the hamper and joined battle. My reachy-grabby only has about a 3/4 inch length that seemed suitable for rat grabbing, with most of the arms being wide apart. My first strike seemed promising, I grabbed him I thought. Nope, he screeched, twirled, and headed up the device. Instinctively I wrist-flipped him off and he arced into the trashcan. I slammed the lid and put it out on the back porch. I can’t think of any humane way to execute him right now, so there he will sit till morning. It is surprising(and kind of depressing) how much adrenaline gets pumping for a goddamn rat fallen in the toilet. Which means, a long-long time till sleep again. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/2 "2015-02-26T05:55:49Z")
Protip: Snickers. I had something in my garage, asked Orkin and it went like this Me: I put peanut butter on the traps Him: And they just licked it off without triggering the traps, right? Me:Exactly Him:Use a Snickers or Milkyway or something. Something you can really wedge into the bait cup so they really have to work at it and get up there and stand on the trigger to get it out. Works like a charm. Also, I use [these](http://cdn.domyownpestcontrol.com/images/thumbnails4/trex_large.jpg.thumb_1024x1024.jpg). The BIG ones, for rats. All I caught were a bunch of mice that I was probably attracting into the garage with all the candy. I suppose it was a win though since the “rat” that I had been chasing all week, when I finally did catch up to it, turned out to be a opossum. I’m glad I didn’t catch that in a rat trap. Anyways, break off a chunk of a some kind of gooey candy bar or something, you’ll catch em that way. Oh, and when I did end up (later on) with another opossum in the garage, I put a 1x4 board leading up to a garbage can with some dog food or something going up the wood and the thing walking right up it and fell in. An angry [opossum](http://cdn.bobinoz.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/24359966_819581de1c_o.jpg) staring back at me from the bottom of a small kitchen garbage can wasn’t a pretty sight. Luckily, they really do play dead and seem to be terrified of people so it stayed pretty still while I pushed it out to the street and knocked of the garbage can. I’d rather have to deal with a opossum then a racoon. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/3 "2015-02-26T14:36:06Z")
As someone who had a squirrel once, there are times when a .38 and a couple shotshells is a nice thing to have. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/4 "2015-02-26T15:43:09Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > Searching for relevant experience files… No files found! This made me laugh. Yes, I have been there, no files found! Good on you for catching a rat! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/5 "2015-02-26T20:50:54Z")
Why would you kill it? Just let it go somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/6 "2015-02-26T20:54:41Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Why would you kill it? Just let it go somewhere else. Because it’s, you know, a fucking _rat_. Rats breed. Rats carry disease and vermin. Rats baaaaaad. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/7 "2015-02-26T21:02:26Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Because it’s, you know, a fucking _rat_. Rats breed. Rats carry disease and vermin. Rats baaaaaad. And sometimes they come back. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/8 "2015-02-26T21:05:26Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Because it’s, you know, a fucking _rat_. Rats breed. **Rats carry disease and vermin**. Rats baaaaaad. But it just took a bath! ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/9 "2015-02-26T21:07:51Z")
What you really need to do is figure out how a rat got in to your toilet, and put an end to that nonsense. 'n stuff. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/10 "2015-02-26T21:08:54Z")
Maybe I should spread news of the toilet rat. I just got my yearly tax assessment from the county and my house is 24% better than it was last year. WTF? I know many people live in places where houses double overnight, but this is Michigan, houses don’t go up here, and they certainly don’t appreciate 24% in one damn year. I’d like to go to the bitch and whine meeting and tell them that last year I had 0 toilet rats, and this year I had 1. My property tax value should go way down on that factor alone. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/11 "2015-02-26T21:11:02Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > What you really need to do is figure out how a rat got in to your toilet, and put an end to that nonsense. > > 'n stuff. That is very much on the schedule as well, once some of this damn snow melts and I can check eves and roofs joints without dying. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/12 "2015-02-26T21:21:53Z")
With your handle, I would have thought nocturnal up-and-aboutness was your default setting. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/13 "2015-02-26T21:23:09Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > Maybe I should spread news of the toilet rat. I just got my yearly tax assessment from the county and my house is 24% better than it was last year. WTF? I know many people live in places where houses double overnight, but this is Michigan, houses don’t go up here, and they certainly don’t appreciate 24% in one damn year. I’d like to go to the bitch and whine meeting and tell them that last year I had 0 toilet rats, and this year I had 1. My property tax value should go way down on that factor alone. Do your other neighbors have toilet rats? No? Now we know the reason for the tax assessment increase! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/14 "2015-02-26T21:26:27Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > As someone who had a squirrel once, there are times when a .38 and a couple shotshells is a nice thing to have. So, how did you outfit that cannon on your squirrel anyway? Shoulder holster? Cowboy-rig? I’m guessing the shotgun you gave it was an auto, although the sight of a squirrel trying to operate a Winchester lever while riding a [motorcycle](http://www.raidentech.com/1-4-scale-harley-motorbike.html) Terminator Style seems like it would be funny. 😃 “Hey, who you callin’ Little? That’s Mr. Stuart to You!!!” ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/15 "2015-02-26T21:47:13Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Why would you kill it? Just let it go somewhere else. It broke _omertà_. Had to be done. Nothing personal, just business. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/16 "2015-02-26T22:08:08Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > It broke _omertà_. Had to be done. Nothing personal, just business. [Look, just watch out for Kopek’s squirrel…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79AF5nhA7t8)😃 …And be careful. Sometimes [there’s more than one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XZNINMgqVw)… ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/17 "2015-02-26T22:28:16Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > Maybe I should spread news of the toilet rat. I just got my yearly tax assessment from the county and my house is 24% better than it was last year. WTF? I know many people live in places where houses double overnight, but this is Michigan, houses don’t go up here, and they certainly don’t appreciate 24% in one damn year. I’d like to go to the bitch and whine meeting and tell them that last year I had 0 toilet rats, and this year I had 1. My property tax value should go way down on that factor alone. They probably just expect you are charging the rat rent. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/18 "2015-02-26T22:30:51Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > Maybe I should spread news of the toilet rat. I just got my yearly tax assessment from the county and my house is 24% better than it was last year. WTF? I know many people live in places where houses double overnight, but this is Michigan, houses don’t go up here, and they certainly don’t appreciate 24% in one damn year. I’d like to go to the bitch and whine meeting and tell them that last year I had 0 toilet rats, and this year I had 1. My property tax value should go way down on that factor alone. Better yet, if you had none yesterday and one today, think of how many you’ll have next year! > **[Extrapolating](https://xkcd.com/605/)** > > By the third trimester, there will be hundreds of babies inside you. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/19 "2015-02-26T22:40:24Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > What you really need to do is figure out how a rat got in to your toilet, and put an end to that nonsense. > > 'n stuff. Yeah: go up on the roof and put a piece of wire mesh over your toilet vent pipe. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/20 "2015-02-26T23:34:02Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Better yet, if you had none yesterday and one today, think of how many you’ll have next year! > [xkcd: Extrapolating](http://xkcd.com/605/) …the rodent quotient rule? lol. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644.md?page=2)