# Well this is a new reason to be up at night **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 26, 2015, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644 "2015-02-26T05:29:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/21 "2015-02-26T23:40:56Z")
Why in the name of Athena daughter of Metis daughter of Tethys daughter of Gaia the never-born do you want to kill a RAT humanely? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2015, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/22 "2015-02-26T23:41:54Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why in the name of Athena daughter of Metis daughter of Tethys daughter of Gaia the never-born do you want to kill a RAT humanely? Ratings. (…It might have listeners.) ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/23 "2015-02-27T01:28:10Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > So, how did you outfit that cannon on your squirrel anyway? Shoulder holster? Cowboy-rig? > I’m guessing the shotgun you gave it was an auto, although the sight of a squirrel trying to operate a Winchester lever while riding a [motorcycle](http://www.raidentech.com/1-4-scale-harley-motorbike.html) Terminator Style seems like it would be funny. 😃 Being more Vietnam era, I went Old School. [![](http://bp2.blogger.com/_h38oY16uTfE/SBROVQwLWuI/AAAAAAAAABA/KK0F0PjP4Bc/s1600-h/squirrel+with+machine+gun.jpg) ](http://bp2.blogger.com/_h38oY16uTfE/SBROVQwLWuI/AAAAAAAAABA/KK0F0PjP4Bc/s1600-h/squirrel+with+machine+gun.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/24 "2015-02-27T01:50:24Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > Being more Vietnam era, I went Old School. > > [squirrel+with+machine+gun.jpg (image)](http://bp2.blogger.com/_h38oY16uTfE/SBROVQwLWuI/AAAAAAAAABA/KK0F0PjP4Bc/s1600-h/squirrel+with+machine+gun.jpg) LOL. …is it true those things were so loud that there was almost as much blood in front of you as out both ears? i mean, its not funny… but I heard a Lot of people lost their hearing that way. In tanks too. ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/25 "2015-02-27T03:26:17Z")
I vote Toilet Rat the shittiest job of 2015. Or any year. On the bright side, it’s a great punk band name. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/26 "2015-02-27T03:34:20Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > … I’d like to go to the bitch and whine meeting and tell them that last year I had 0 toilet rats, and this year I had 1. My property tax value should go way down on that factor alone. I dare you to do this! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/27 "2015-02-27T03:44:27Z")
One night I was sitting in the living room and the sounds of a scuffle come from down the hall. I hear a squeaking noise and I think “Oh shoot, the cat caught a mouse.” The squeaking comes down the hall. The cat comes into the room, and the “mouse” is flapping it’s wings. It’s a damn bat. I swatted at the cat, he dropped it, and the bat goes flying around my living room. I get a pillow and take swings as it flys by. Third try I strike it and it falls to the ground stunned. Using a thick oven mitt I pick it up and toss it outside, where it flys happily away. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/28 "2015-02-27T04:01:40Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > What you really need to do is figure out how a rat got in to your toilet, and put an end to that nonsense. > > 'n stuff. sewer or the plumbing vent is the path which needs to be open. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/29 "2015-02-27T05:12:35Z")
As usual, the Master has spoken: [Can rats swim up through the (urk) toilet?](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/29/can-rats-swim-up-through-the-urk-toilet) ---
**Author:** ![robby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robby/32/11048_2.png) [@robby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robby)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/30 "2015-02-27T15:18:43Z")
If it were me, I’d probably just leave it in the closed trash can until it expired. Here in New England in February, it wouldn’t take long. To be safe, I’d probably give it a week. After a week, I’d put the frozen rat corpse in a trash bag and dispose of it with the rest of the household trash. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/31 "2015-02-27T15:37:15Z")
Might as well put the rat to work once he’s in the can. Fill it half way with cream and as he tries to swim he makes butter. Remove butter to storage and repeat until rat expires. You do like crunchy butter, right? ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/32 "2015-02-27T15:49:37Z")
Here’s a thought that will keep you up more nights. The rat is a quiet rat, quietly swimming backstrokes in the toilet. Your intestines give you a wakeup call in the middle of the night. Not wanting to fully wake up, you tip toe to the bathroom, and without turning on the light, you sit down to do your business. :smack: :eek: 😃 Now, set that poor rat free. It could have been much worse. ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/33 "2015-02-27T23:42:09Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > …Having no wheelbarrow…( This is obviously the root of your problem. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2015, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/34 "2015-02-28T05:12:47Z")
Take it to a pet store. Watch the boa eat it. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2015, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/35 "2015-02-28T05:41:21Z")
I have nothing to contribute except a pitiful attempt at commiseration. I had a mouse once, and you might as well have told me I was under siege. If I caught a rat in my toilet, I wouldn’t sleep that night, or any other for the rest of my life. I actually slept at my friend’s place for about a week during the mouse situation. God, I am lame. Anyway, if I had the little rat fucker trapped, I’d let the sonofabitch die right where I trapped it. But I’m not you, someone who seems to have compassion for these little bastards. So again, no contribution, just a sad sack attempt at commiseration. Be well. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2015, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/36 "2015-02-28T08:31:15Z")
It’s too bad you didn’t have a cat handy that you could just chuck in the toilet. He’d take care of that rat right quick! ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2015, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/37 "2015-02-28T14:44:53Z")
Didn’t have time to post this the other day; [QUOTE=Cecil Adams] First the good news: although some people claim otherwise, Cecil’s buddies in the rat annihilation biz say rats probably can’t crawl up through toilet soil pipes, because the inside of the pipe is ordinarily wet and slick and because the diameter of said pipe — usually six inches — is too great to permit the rat to chimney its way up, if you follow me. On the other hand, rats are very agile critters and it’s quite possible for one to crawl up inside a three- or four-inch rainspout on a dry day. And rats can certainly crawl up the outside of a one- or two-inch pipe, or, for that matter, up a brick wall using the seams of mortar as pawholds. Rats can also do a tightrope number into your house via the telephone wire. Getting back to toilets, you do have a problem if your john is at ground level or in the basement — that is, where the soil pipe runs horizontally or at a very shallow angle to the sewer. Rats are good underwater swimmers, and it’s no problem — believe it or not, they actually have movies of this — for rats to stroll along a horizontal soil pipe from the sewer, swim through the water-filled piping inside the toilet, and emerge in the toilet bowl. If the soil pipe runs vertically for five or six feet or more, though, you’re probably safe. [/QUOTE] The full column is interesting for Cecil’s reply to a letter from one of the Teeming Millions, who had the temerity to challenge Cecil: [QUOTE=Cecil Adams] Christ, leave it to the Teeming Millions to speak up for the rats. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2015, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/38 "2015-02-28T14:54:11Z")
> [@get\_lives](#): > > I vote Toilet Rat the shittiest job of 2015. Or any year. > > On the bright side, it’s a great punk band name. No way. Assistant Toilet Rat. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2015, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/39 "2015-02-28T15:01:58Z")
Oye. In the toilet? Where I live there are pack rats. Not considered vermin so much as wildlife. They are BIG. Had one some how get between the drywall and roof (no trusses in this part of the house). I ended up cutting out drywall for the particular bay that he was in, and hung a live trap under it with goodies in it. Caught him, and relocated him a few miles away. Far from other houses. Agree with Chef that you should put a hood/wire mesh on your plumbing vents. My 84 year old mom had a raccoon come down her fireplace chimney in Denver a few years ago. Got stuck. Couldn’t climb back out. That was interesting. We put a wire/sheet metal cap on the chimney. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2015, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644/40 "2015-02-28T15:47:24Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > As someone who had a squirrel once, there are times when a .38 and a couple shotshells is a nice thing to have. Rat in toilet bowl = shoot it? How well is that going to end? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well-this-is-a-new-reason-to-be-up-at-night/713644.md?page=3)