# Well... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 13, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303 "2003-01-13T15:21:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/141 "2003-01-14T17:15:08Z")
You and me both, **Lib**. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/142 "2003-01-14T17:29:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cuauhtemoc \* > I always thought that if I ever had to pit **Duck Duck Goose** , a good thread title would be **"Hey, Duck Duck Goose! Fuck Fuck You!"** Speaking purely it terms of aesthetics, that would indeed be an excellent title for a Pit thread. šŸ˜ƒ **Ducky** , I defended you because the attack was unwarranted and because you deserved it. And I agree with you that if any of the Staff were having problems with the ā€œjunior modding,ā€ email would have been a better remedy than semi-officially joining the free-for-all. Having said that, I think itā€™s time to move on. Theyā€™ve clarified whatā€™s appropriate and what isnā€™t, it makes good sense to me, and thatā€™s that. To the extent they hadnā€™t clarified or spoken to you earlier, well, there you go. **Lib** , whatever it was that DDG said, and whenever it was that happened, it seems less than fair to bring it up now without providing her with the specific details that would enable her to understand what you are talking about and defend herself as she finds appropriate. Heck, I have no idea what youā€™re referring to, and it doesnā€™t seem that she does either. A little less obliqueness would be in order if youā€™re going to pursue that line of inquiry, I think. However, given that whatever it was appears to have hurt you deeplyā€“as indeed DDG appears to have been hurt deeply by what was said to her in recent daysā€“may I meekly suggest that you guys try to work it out off-board? Thereā€™s been enough unpleasantness around here lately, and I donā€™t think either of you really need to have spectators commenting on your wounds. ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/143 "2003-01-14T17:35:22Z")
OMG, Iā€™m about to agree with **Libertarian**. This reminds me a bit about the time **handy** agreed with three of my posts in a row, leaving me wondering what I was doing wrong. **Coldfire** , Iā€™m glad I got the summary right. I just realized how ironic it would have been if I had gotten an explanation of the anti-Jr. Modding rule wrong. Iā€™m about to defend you some more, donā€™t let it go to your head. He, nicely, pointed out that you can cause problems from staff with Jr. Modding activities. You demanded cites. He provided two cites within a half-day of the request for them, explaining that he got them by looking for threads that both of you had posted in. You then insisted that it must be a personal vandetta, because both of the cites involved him (ignoring for a moment that he specifically said that he looked for instances where he had to correct you). You asked for other mods/admins to deny that it was a personal thing between him and you. So **Lynn** chimes in with full support of his position. You make two demands of proof, both are met fully. Most reasonable people then go ā€œOh. I guess I was wrong.ā€ But what did you do? You did a max-length post on how poorly Coldie treated you, and a demand for more cites about your behavior. At which point he said that there wouldnā€™t be more cites. I canā€™t blame him, as itā€™s fairly obvious to me that he could continue providing cites forever, and none of them would ever be enough for you. But what do I know, Iā€™m not one of you rabid supporters or hated detractors, Iā€™m just trying to be the **V** oice **O** f **R** eason in my posts, so of course youā€™re ignoring them. -lv ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/144 "2003-01-14T17:35:43Z")
colour me fucking shocked magenta that someone who evidently has a quick mind and smart persona really canā€™t tell the difference between the constructive criticism and the petty attacks. whats the purpose of this thread? I hope it has been of some cathartic benefit to you, I really hope so, but the only thing youā€™ve succeeded in doing in your follow up posts is prove that you cannot accept any sort of criticism. If youā€™re happy to have the plaudits afforded to you by a community, you at least have to try to understand the dissenters. You seem unable to do that. never mind DDG, slip the rose coloured glasses back on and continue on with your posting. Sincerest best wishes, Twist. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/145 "2003-01-14T17:41:16Z")
Minty Iā€™m not sure what iron you think you have in this fire, and I appreciate your advice, but the only reason I mentioned the incident at all was so that the advice that I gave her would not be devoid of context. You might not have seen the advice. It wasnā€™t quoted because it would not have supported a charge of slamming. But it was in the original post. Way back on page 1. One of the first responses in the thread. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/146 "2003-01-14T17:44:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by minty green \* > \*\*Speaking purely it terms of aesthetics, that would indeed be an excellent title for a Pit thread. šŸ˜ƒ \*\* I know, isnā€™t it perfect? Itā€™s really too bad she never pissed me off. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/147 "2003-01-14T17:48:36Z")
I have no iron in the fire, Lib. I merely wish to avoid another explosion. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/148 "2003-01-14T17:55:25Z")
Donā€™t worry, Minty. I wonā€™t explode. I was depressed, not angry. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/149 "2003-01-14T18:04:25Z")
Fair enough, Lib. The charge alone was pretty explosive, so I hope you understand my caution. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/150 "2003-01-14T18:23:11Z")
Minty The charge? No, sorry. I donā€™t get it. Iā€™m not charging her with anything. There is no rule or law she violated. In fact, I didnā€™t say that she drove me away. I said that she was the reason I left the board. I left because of her. That is a mere fact. I even told her that I bet she was surprised to hear it, indicating that I didnā€™t think she acted intentionally to drive me away. I told her Iā€™d like to see her stay around, and gave her some advice. The advice was metaphorical, talking about coffee cups and whatnot, because her post was metaphorical in the same way. I wished upon her Godā€™s blessings, and I told her that my heart ached for her. If you knew all this, then your comments are not appropriate in my opinion. If you didnā€™t, then you should have read the post first. ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/151 "2003-01-14T18:27:29Z")
**DDG** I read through your first post and the story about the commune, and I was going ā€œuh-huh, uh-huh, I see where this is going.ā€ But then it didnā€™t get there. I thought you were going to conclude with ā€œso I see that, with all good intention, I step into roles that really arenā€™t mine, and apparently this annoys some people. Iā€™m really pissed off that this all came out at once in that train wreck of a thread, but I now understand where yā€™all are coming from.ā€ But instead, you went back to ā€œI really donā€™t act like that, **Coldfire,** and I defy you to prove that I do.ā€ **DDG** , your own story demonstrates that you do, both on these boards and IRL. It doesnā€™t bother me - Iā€™ve lived with such a personality all my life (in this way you be my big sister), and quite frankly, Iā€™m not sure itā€™s really an issue, particularly one worth all this fuss. But I think you have to accept that this is a part of your personality, and you have to decide whether you want to try to change it or not. I donā€™t think you should continue to deny it. Sua ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/152 "2003-01-14T18:27:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by minty green \* > > However, given that whatever it was appears to have hurt you deeplyā€“as indeed DDG appears to have been hurt deeply by what was said to her in recent daysā€“may I meekly suggest that you guys try to work it out off-board? Thereā€™s been enough unpleasantness around here lately, and I donā€™t think either of you really need to have spectators commenting on your wounds. \*\* The only problem with this good advice **minty** is that neither party has published an e-mail address. ---
**Author:** ![Alma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alma)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/153 "2003-01-14T18:43:02Z")
I really donā€™t want to stir things that have settled, honestly, but somethingā€™s been nagging at me since I read the OP. I have read every word of both threads, and I thought I didnā€™t have a side to be on (Iā€™m just a mere lurker on big deal stuff. I only post unimportant drivel). Valid points were made and a lot of crap was thrown in as well. _However_, I canā€™t seem to get this out of my mind: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duck Duck Goose \* > \*\*I also walk around every so often picking up the dirty coffee cups (they use 100% recycled material cardboard cups) because I noticed that nobody EVER picked up the cups. Did I mention that my hippie friends are also total slobs? \*\* The implication here is just sad. **DDG** if you really think this place is a free-for-all pigsty of sorts, and if you didnā€™t pick up the cups NOBODY would, then I understand the comments made about your sanctimonious attitude. Anyway, _THAT_, after all this text Iā€™ve been reading about you, is now the strongest impression Iā€™m left with. Hope thatā€™s okay with you (Iā€™m sure you donā€™t care). ---
**Author:** ![Spit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/154 "2003-01-14T19:07:54Z")
Iā€™m stilled shocked to find out that **DDG** is hanging around hippie communes. ---
**Author:** ![cagiva650](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cagiva650](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cagiva650)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/155 "2003-01-14T19:11:17Z")
I think DDG should just let the ā€˜coffee cupsā€™ lie where they fall and let the slobs clean up after themselves. You mean there is really no hippie coffee house in decatur? ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/156 "2003-01-14T19:12:40Z")
Itā€™s the way they shake and sway, **Spit**. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/157 "2003-01-14T19:23:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by grienspace \* > \*\*The only problem with this good advice **minty** is that neither party has published an e-mail address. \*\* Oh, for Cecilā€™s sake. **DDG** and **Lib** , _my_ email address is published. If the two of you both wish to resolve this privately instead of publicly, email me and Iā€™ll either act as a semi-anonymous remailer or pass on your addresses to each other, whichever you request. ---
**Author:** ![Spit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/158 "2003-01-14T19:32:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by erislover \* > \*\*Itā€™s the way they shake and sway, **Spit**. šŸ˜‰ \*\* Wow! You get two gold stars for that! šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/159 "2003-01-14T20:40:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Libertarian \* > But it was in the original post. Way back on page 1. One of the first responses in the thread. You mean this? > [@](#): > > I never told you this before, and I donā€™t want it worrying you now, but I think itā€™s time to bring it up. Did you know that you were the reason I left the boards for several months in a state of deep depression? Are you surprised? You probably are. **Lib** , with all due respect, if someone told _me_ that, Iā€™d sure be upset, and Iā€™d want to know what Iā€™d said that caused such a major consequence. I think thatā€™s the point **minty** is making here. The emotional difference between hearing ā€œyou drove me away from the boardsā€ and ā€œI left the boards for several months in a state of deep depression because of something you saidā€ is pretty inconsequential. I donā€™t think the whole board needs to know what this is about, but you really might consider asking one of the mods to forward your email address to **DDG** in case she wants to know more. ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303/160 "2003-01-14T21:14:09Z")
FWIW, Iā€™ve read all the threads involved as they unfolded. I tend to be in agreement with Scotticherā€™s [A Plea For Tolerance and Understanding](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=155491). The only problem Iā€™ve ever had with **DDG** is with her tendency to provide answers before I can. Damn annoying, that. šŸ˜‰ I certainly hope she continues posting here. Maybe because Iā€™ve not been actively involved in the other threads, I read **Libertarian** ā€™s post on page 1 in a different light than some others. I think some people have skipped over the most important part of his post: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Libertarian \* > I read every word in your three parts. All the while, my heart ached for you. I so regret your emotional pain, and I pray that God will heal your heart and comfort you. I donā€™t think **Libertarian** was trying to dig up the past to get a backhanded slam in at **DDG**. I took it as an example that he understood what she is going through since he had gone through a similar experience. I also read into it a subtle reference to the importance of forgiveness and letting things go. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/well/148303.md?page=9)