# Welp, looks like I'm going to jail **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 19, 2017, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316 "2017-10-19T20:02:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/1 "2017-10-19T20:02:59Z")
Just got this voice mail. It sort of sounded like Stephen Hawking. It apparently didn’t wait for the beep as I missed the start: \*… the headquarters which will get expired in next 24 working hours. And once again expired after that you will be taken under custody by the local cops as there are four serious allegations pressed on your name at this moment. We would request you to get back to us so that we can discuss about this case before taking any legal action against you. The number to reach us is XXX-XXX-XXXX. \* \*:eek: \* So now I’m just hanging out waiting for the local cops to arrive. I did take a shower. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/2 "2017-10-19T20:10:21Z")
I wonder if it will be one of the fun jails with a tennis court. Keep us posted if you can. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/3 "2017-10-19T20:10:21Z")
Be sure to pack several pairs of clean underwear too. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/4 "2017-10-19T20:11:16Z")
On your first day in, shiv a guy. The biggest guy you see. You’ll likely be beaten without mercy, killed and your entrails strewn across the yard. But what a story for your family! ---
**Author:** ![Randolph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Randolph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randolph)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/5 "2017-10-19T20:22:35Z")
Oh, no! Not the local cops! Just remember, they’re more scared of you than you are of them.\* - - Some conditions may apply. ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/6 "2017-10-19T20:34:58Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I wonder if it will be one of the fun jails with a tennis court. Keep us posted if you can. I’m hoping for card games, hard boiled eggs and learning banjo. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/7 "2017-10-19T20:37:38Z")
> [@standingwave](#): > > I did take a shower. Well then you can go an extra day w/o having to worry about dropping the soap. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/8 "2017-10-19T20:42:07Z")
Wishing you the best in turning your life around and down a better, crime-free life. In the meantime, tell Big Tony I said Hi. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/9 "2017-10-19T20:48:47Z")
Now that you’ve got Nora back, Victor, I’d suggest you focus on curing her, so you can quit this life of crime. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/10 "2017-10-19T20:50:59Z")
Make sure Aunt Bea knows how you like your bacon to go with those hard boiled eggs. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/11 "2017-10-19T20:57:31Z")
Call them back. Tell them they’ll never take you alive, see… ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/12 "2017-10-19T21:01:33Z")
You mean you ain’t calling the number? Dude all they want is a couple money orders and your bank info. Easy- peasy, no time served!! ---
**Author:** ![Trancephalic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trancephalic/32/380_2.png) [@Trancephalic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancephalic)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/13 "2017-10-19T21:04:34Z")
Don’t past go. Don’t collect 200 dollars ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/14 "2017-10-19T21:05:17Z")
“Welp”? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/15 "2017-10-19T21:09:07Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > “Welp”? 😕 > **[Yes, 'Welp' Is a Real Word](https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/welp-meaning)** > > 'Welp' is over 70 years old Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/16 "2017-10-19T21:32:47Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I wonder if it will be one of the fun jails with a tennis court. Keep us posted if you can. Better hope for such luck! OTOH, he could end up in an Arpaio-style tent city jail in 150-degree heat (if summer) or -150-degree cold (if winter) with nothing more than a grungy pair of pink underwear. But at least the hard labor will help keep him warm. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/17 "2017-10-19T21:36:32Z")
I hear it’s pretty much FPMITAP. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/18 "2017-10-19T21:55:39Z")
Huh. Just last week I got this: “We found that there was a fraud and misconduct on your tax which you are hiding from the federal government. This need to be rectified immediately so do return the call as soon as you receive the message. The number is XXX-XXX-XXXX. Thank you.” Since I have carelessly neglected to call back, I’m waiting for the situation to escalate. Maybe we’ll be cellmates! ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/19 "2017-10-19T22:03:02Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I wonder if it will be one of the fun jails with a tennis court. Keep us posted if you can. If they have wifi, I will! Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/20 "2017-10-19T22:31:34Z")
If you think you’ll have to smuggle your phone in, get rid of the Samsung Note 4. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316.md?page=2)