# Welp, looks like I'm going to jail **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 19, 2017, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316 "2017-10-19T20:02:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/21 "2017-10-19T22:41:34Z")
I’m not in danger of going to jail. The latest threat call that I got was that the warranty on my mother’s truck had expired and needed to be renewed immediately by calling the number. Jokes on them. She died in 2012. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/22 "2017-10-19T23:09:01Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > Huh. Just last week I got this: “We found that there was a fraud and misconduct on your tax which you are hiding from the federal government. This need to be rectified immediately so do return the call as soon as you receive the message. The number is XXX-XXX-XXXX. Thank you.” > > Since I have carelessly neglected to call back, I’m waiting for the situation to escalate. Maybe we’ll be cellmates! It’s interesting that dire notices from federal tax authorities always sound like they’ve been written by an illiterate villager in Punjab. You’d think the feds could afford a better class of civil servant. But the good news for you and the OP that I can relate from personal experience is that in these situations the federal tax authorities are willing to accept payment in the form of Amazon and iTunes gift cards. You can give them the card info right over the phone and the matter will be resolved on the spot! If you want to make extra sure you won’t go to jail, you can give them your credit card number, too. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2017, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/23 "2017-10-19T23:15:26Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > “Welp”? 😕 > [@standingwave](#): > > ['Welp,' There's a Word We're Watching | Merriam-Webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/welp-meaning) > > Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk Quote from the webpage: “One linguist went so far as to say that anyone who didn’t know what welp meant was probably an alien.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/24 "2017-10-20T00:34:44Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Quote from the webpage: “One linguist went so far as to say that anyone who didn’t know what welp meant was probably an alien.” 😃 I used to be an alian. We each had a folded card, probably about 2" by 4", that had the words “Registered alian” on it. That was about 30 years ago, and I don’t remember any more details. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/25 "2017-10-20T00:41:08Z")
I’ll pull some strings and get you a job in the Library. Local jails do have libraries, right? ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/26 "2017-10-20T01:20:11Z")
If you order quickly you can probably still get a case of soap-on-a-rope from Amazon with next day delivery. Avoid that whole dropping the soap scenario. Unless dropping the soap is your thing, in which case, never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/27 "2017-10-20T01:32:50Z")
> [@standingwave](#): > > I’m hoping for card games, hard boiled eggs and learning banjo. You may have to settle for the harmonica, which is compulsory in prison. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/28 "2017-10-20T01:43:46Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > If you order quickly you can probably still get a case of soap-on-a-rope from Amazon with next day delivery. Avoid that whole dropping the soap scenario. > > Unless dropping the soap is your thing, in which case, never mind. Duluth Trading has a really nice soap on a rope. The case makes a good scrubber for those hard to clean areas. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/29 "2017-10-20T02:19:06Z")
They’re after my father for the very same crime. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/30 "2017-10-20T03:35:17Z")
> [@standingwave](#): > > Just got this voice mail. It sort of sounded like Stephen Hawking. It apparently didn’t wait for the beep as I missed the start: > \*… the headquarters which will get expired in next 24 working hours. And once again expired after that you will be taken under custody by the local cops as there are four serious allegations pressed on your name at this moment. We would request you to get back to us so that we can discuss about this case before taking any legal action against you. The number to reach us is XXX-XXX-XXXX. \* > \*:eek: \* > > So now I’m just hanging out waiting for the local cops to arrive. I did take a shower. > > 🆒 That really _was_ Steven Hawking. He’s fallen on hard times and needs to pay the rent, yaknow? ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/31 "2017-10-20T04:24:08Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > It’s interesting that dire notices from federal tax authorities always sound like they’ve been written by an illiterate villager in Punjab. Here is a what an actual [Punjab Tax notice look](http://i.dawn.com/primary/2015/09/55e8b3dd65ae3.png?r=1372366683)s like, for the record.😃 ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/32 "2017-10-20T05:30:56Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Here is a what an actual [Punjab Tax notice look](http://i.dawn.com/primary/2015/09/55e8b3dd65ae3.png?r=1372366683)s like, for the record.😃 It appears that Sumaira Umbreen is a good deal more literate than the Punjabis who write tax notices to Americans, at least, tax notices regarding situations where Amazon gift cards are acceptable forms of payment but checks are not. Although I must say that I’m shocked that there are tax cheats in the Punjab, known for its upstanding businesses like the telemarketers who call me while I’m trying to have dinner, offering duck cleaning services. They regard with cheerful disdain the facts that (a) I am on the do-not-call list and do not wish to hear from Punjabi telemarketers, and (b) I have no dirty ducks. In fact, no ducks at all. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/33 "2017-10-20T06:15:25Z")
You sure they said ‘duck’, that is so random. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/34 "2017-10-20T06:24:26Z")
Why a duck? Why-a no chicken? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/35 "2017-10-20T07:24:46Z")
> [@standingwave](#): > > - there are four serious allegations **pressed on** your name at this moment. \* Lucky you. I’ve have iron on tee-shirts before, but never “pressed on allegations.” ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/36 "2017-10-20T12:48:36Z")
Not including the word ‘welp’ in the dictionary is sheer snobbery, ain’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/37 "2017-10-20T12:49:46Z")
Let me know where you’re incarcerated. I’ll be happy to send you a poster of Raquel Welch. ---
**Author:** ![JoseB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/joseb/32/1530_2.png) [@JoseB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoseB)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/38 "2017-10-20T13:05:47Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Why a duck? Why-a no chicken? Why not Zoidberg? ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/39 "2017-10-20T13:33:17Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Why a duck? Why-a no chicken? I’m trying to dredge up and old “joke” my grandpa used to say about a viaduct (pronounced why-a-duck), but can’t dredge it up this early in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316/40 "2017-10-20T15:53:50Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > “Welp”? 😕 The “welp” of a beaten cur.\* \*obscure Black Sox reference. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welp-looks-like-im-going-to-jail/799316.md?page=3)