Everyone has cognitive strengths and weaknesses, parts of their personality that are strong and parts that are weak. Aspergers and autistic people have the same variability, but it is amplified. My son was able to do simple math in his head well before he was introduced to math in second grade. Except in extreme cases, ASDs do not automatically mean that the child is less intelligent. It means that they have a harder time expressing what is going on inside.
It helps to take an Einsteinian view of what’s normal: define your frame of reference. At home, certain things are normal, but outside of home they are not. Regardless of the frame of reference, there are things that are disruptive and need to be addressed. At home, other things are tolerated that wouldn’t be tolerated outside. It’s hard enough to get normal adults to understand this, but ASD children live and die by rules. Establishing rules for home and outside help a lot.
There’s no doubt in my mind that ASDs are real, and that the medical evidence is anything but solid. The problem is that the disorder is highly variable, and that inheritance patterns are not always predictable. It requires a paradigm shift in our understanding of the link between genes, inheritance and behavior. But for those of us who live with affected children, it is a very real, demonstrable disability.
I also want to say your daughter writes beautifully and insight and sensitivity.
Also, this Asperger’s association is in the Boston area, but perhaps they could refer to you a similar group in your area? www.aane.org My son has found it a great place to make friends.
Lexi, I can write manuals like nobody’s business, but I can’t write lyrics to save my life.
Different people can do different things; some children can write lyrics, some can’t; some grown-ups can write lyrics, some can’t. Your writing skill is one of your gifts, thanks for sharing it with us.
I only read the original post, not the whole thread. I know that’s a big crime around here, but I just have to tell you what I think and I don’t have enough time to read everyone’s response.
People like to have diagnoses. They want to have a solid grasp of exactly why they are the way they are. Your daughter is a unique person with her own set of gifts and challenges, just like everyone else. If it helps you to have a label explaining each of her particular personality quirks, then those diagnoses are useful. If they don’t actually provide any insight for you, and they don’t carry any useful information, then ignore them.
Actually I wouldn’t call her HFA per se. I really do think that Asperger’s and autism are two different (but related) syndromes. Like Aspie folks tend to be more “geeky/nerdy” . They have social issues…but it’s not like HFA.
Like Asperger’s is like having a cold or a learnig disabilty whereas HFA is more like having pnemononia.
I spent four years at a college that had a large LD program. There were some Aspie types there, as well as the LD kids who very often had social issues.
Then there was this kid who definitly had HFA. He could talk…but he was incredibily impaired. He would do things like follow girls around on campus, he walked in on his RA when she was changing, he had the usual “geeky” obessions, along with one where he was obessed with the skin on his arms. He’d randomly sit down in the dining commons and start yapping about computers. Then in the middle of his spiel he would go " The skin on your arms is strechy!" You’d see him around campus poking at his arm. He was very severely impaired.
Just an illustration of how different the two disorders can be.
Oh and I agree with the posters who say they think Asperger’s is a little over dx. I think docs and other experts forget that social issues can be a part of other things too! Hell…deaf and hard of hearing kids often have signifcent social issues!!! However it does sound like its legit in this case. Although one question to ask…
Does she have a disreperency between her verbal IQ and her non-verbal IQ? If so she could have Non-Verbal Learnign Disorder instead of Asperger’s.
I have NVLD (as well as a ton of other stuff) and remember the social HELL all too well.
Do you know what your school district is like? One thing that may be a good idea is looking into a school or a program for kids with learning disabilites…Jr high and high school can be HELL. Maybe look around and see if there’s any resources. Kids with learning disabilites can experiance a lot of the same stuff. When I went off to college I was amazed to find out that there were "smart LD kids out there. Oh…you know…would she like to attend a camp? As a teen I attended an AMAZING “libral arts” mainstream summer camp, in NH. It helped me so much with social issues and really made me who I am. I had some “acceptance issues” to deal with…and one of my best friends (who’s Aspie and was a camper back in the 80’s) said that it really helped her too…
Cmyk you’ve met my son before, he has the same diagnoses as Lexi, as well as ADD. Has the school considered speech therapy as part of Lexi’s IEP? My son started group speech therapy in middle school, which confounded my circle of family and friends to no end. Since he’s got hyperlexia and they always considered him worlds ahead of the other kids language-wise, but the speech therapy worked specifically on things like making appropriate eye contact and maintaining appropriate physical boundaries when talking with other people, how not to monologue at someone, how to take part in conversations with groups, etc. Helped him immensely with being able to talk to people.
Another thing to possibly be aware of is giving verbal instructions in multiples. My son can follow a written list of tasks just fine, telling him “go clean the living room” won’t cut it. He needs specific instructions. But simply saying “Put all the shoes away, hang the coats, clear the tables, dust and then vacuum” will lead to a still-messy room and frustration for everyone here. He’ll do the two things he remembers being said and go fluff off and be completely gobsmacked that he’s getting nagged at to finish his chores, since they’re checked off as complete in his head. He gets angry at himself and feels incompetent for not getting it done right. It’s not just normal I-don’t-wanna-do-chores kid-shit, he needs things either written down or broken into very small manageable chunks verbally.
auRa my 16 year old and your younger brother could probably get together and talk bionicles for days on end. I wonder if there’s something specific about those toys that appeal to Aspie boys.
Me too. I worked with a little boy with HFA and one who probably has Asperger’s. There were similarities, but it was clear to everyone that the high functioning kid had a far more tenuous connection to the here and now than the other child; Lee was pretty present all of the time (such as instantly responding to the comment that he was in trouble by telling us “Lee does not want a time out!”), but it was a strugle to get Joey to stay with us and not go into himself and to snap him out of echolalicly repeating movie dialogues to himself. It always surprises me when people equate them as being the same thing, because Asperger’s folks often have fewer struggles than those with high functioning autism.
To be honest, I’m not quite sure myself.
The other two girls developed some very weird and intense obsessions with people real and imagined; one was Marilyn Manson (others included The Naked Cowboy, and a teacher’s 9-year-old son). Our school also also had a community mikva in the basement; that year, it was torn out and a new one was being constructed. We were curious and snuck in to see how it was going. The friends made it a ritual to sneak in every morning and explore. Somewhere along the line it was dubbed the Marilyn Manson Memorial Mikva, and I really like saying that name.
I have a feeling that she’ll still end up as a pretty developed adult, especially with you and your wife as parents. Sure, it may seem daunting now, but I’m sure you’ll handle everything just fine.
“…a pinch of classic Asperger’s, and dash of OCD, a sprinkle of impulsiveness…”
Hey come on everyone’s got a pinch of something haven’t they? Look hard enough and I can label different aspects of my own behavior all kinds of things. Sounds like modern day psychological over diagnosis to me…
And that might be why you aren’t a doctor. Yeah, as discussed earlier in the thread, some people self-diagnose to excuse their own behaviors, but it doesn’t follow that all diagnoses are invalid.
Thanks, QT. Definitely sounds very similar to Lexi. Especially the multiple verbal instruction thing. As far as the obsession thing goes, it’s almost less object based as it is subject based. Although, she has been collecting jars upon jars of rocks and organizing them upon color and texture. She doesn’t really know anything about rocks though. I asked if she was interested in geology, and she said “nope.”
D’aaalrighty. :smack: Although, I promised to get her a rock tumbler and her eyes lit up.
And if you see her… don’t ask her about the rocks. She’ll show you every one. I mean, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
I think you have a point. They are ceiling fixtures of imminent doom, aren’t they? No need to fear the garbage disposal, it’s the potato peeler that’s waiting for you to get a liiiitle lazy. And, pffff… if she can start writing novels and out sell the Eragon kid, I’ll take down whatever appliance she wants.
I think you’re right. Especially with my wife… she’s really on top of it all, and I’m just trying to be as supportive and constructive as I can. Lexi’s a smart cookie, and despite her issues, she adds up to a complete, whole kid.
Thanks Marley. I think the word Asperger’s has kind of been ruined by the geek-set. Is it an umbrella diagnosis for a host of different issues? Perhaps — probably more than not. But for now, it’s the closest to the mark (same with Hyperlexia), and will get her the into the right programs and afford her the help she needs for now. It doesn’t sound all that different from a typical kid with normal issues when I try to articulate it. It’s just something you notice intuitively when you meet her. Trust me, **Mojo, **I’d rather not have to slap some label on her, pay the medical bills and have to subject her to all the visits, training, and/or meds.
In contrast, it’s clear my seven year old son is developing pretty typical for his age. He has a basket full of issues like any other kid… he’s human, but it’s no where near anything like my daughter was like when she was seven. Already, he seems to be passing her up socially, and he’s able to tolerate MUCH more simple, everyday things that would set Lexi off.
I could go on about about it all, but that should do for now. Thanks again everyone!
You’d see him around campus poking at his arm. He was very severely impaired.
Yeah, as discussed earlier in the thread, some people self-diagnose to excuse their own behaviors, but it doesn’t follow that all diagnoses are invalid.