Oh no! Mice with bubonic plague were stolen by terrorists and are now released?
I need more grey tape for the floor boards!
Should I get a cat? Wait, the cat could smother a sleeping baby!
I know, I’ll grey tape the cat to the ceiling, and that will keep the baby safe.
Anthrax!!!
You can buy an anthrax detector for about $150,000. Much cheaper is to have your least favorite child or pet open the mail.
AC/DC
So far, so good, huh?
And the plague is still around. There are a few cases that pop up every year of people who catch it from rodents. Of course, it’s easily treatable nowadays, it just sounds scary, so news drones like to dredge up plague stories every now and then.
But, what happens when you go unconscious each night?
I hope to go the way my grandfather did; peacefully, in his sleep.
Not kicking and screaming like those other people in his car.
A very wise investment.
Wait, what’s this I hear about a KILLER HURRICANE of the North Carolina coast?
Anthrax Hurricanes!!!
Yeah, but you also need your bubonic plague detector, your smallpox detector, your andromeda strain detector, and before you know it, you’re talking real money.
Yes the television news is doing its level best to inform (and reassure) us.
Scary Movie 3 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0306047/ makes some hilarious comments about television news in general.
Station Ownwer: And I told you, Cindy, no more paranoid on-air rants about the supernatural.
Cindy: I know. This station is about sex, violence, and the weather.
Station Owner: Yes. That reminds me. We’re gonna need that “Porn Star Shot Dead in a Hurricane” story.
Then an announcer is shown giving the latest news:
“Meanwhile, a tornado in Charleston threatens a clothing-optional beach where just yesterday a naked couple was brutally murdered. This just five miles from where the last naked couple was brutally murdered.”
Later in the movie we hear him announce:
“An evil video tape which kills anyone who watches it has just been discovered. This station will be broadcasting it all night long.”
My all-time favorite is still the scare-mongering news clip shown in Bowling For Columbine:
Escalators of DOOM!
:eek: 
The other mice probably figured them for informants. That’s Newark for ya.
Ralph Nader warned us about the Bird Flu during the last election. Did anybody listen?
Newark, Our mice eat Plague mice for breakfast!
Well, we’ve only got another seven years. Didn’t the Mayans say we’re all done for in 2012?
What the hell do we have retirement savings for, anyway?
The New Republic did a story about this a week or two ago. Bottom line:
The scientist scaremongers have enough credentials to get this taken seriously, but there is very little risk of any sort of animal-derived virus causing another pandemic.
Since the 1918 flu that killed thousands there have been lots of other flu epidemics which haven’t done that much. Perhaps increased the number of flu deaths by a few thousand over the 25,000 or so flu deaths that occur annually all the time.
All the flu scaremongers conveniently forget to mention the results of epidemics that have occured since 1918. The article also states the premise that is was the specific conditions of WWI that caused such a high level of viremia and then all the problems then. Unless WWI conditions are met in the future, another deadly flu pandemic is very unlikely to happen.
Darn the luck! My ex got the kids and my dog still hasn’t got the hang of the letter opener.
Will you let me use this as a sigline sometime?
Per usual, [url=http://snltranscripts.jt.org/99/99anewswatch.phtml]an SNL transcript is appropriate.[/url
Arrgh, I meant, of course, this.
The WNV should result in an interesting mutation of the bees. Cross-bred with fire ants and cicadas, we could end up with a 17 year insect from hell!
Feel free.
It took a Primetime Live story to get you thinking about that? That’s been my goal since I was about 7.