# We're both bi and we want to add another man in the mix **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2015, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411 "2015-11-12T21:48:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/1 "2015-11-12T21:48:57Z")
But we aren’t sure whether he will do anything with my husband. We’re all great friends and have had 3 ways before, so in that aspect it’s fine. I’ve expressed how I love them both to the both of them. My husband and him are really great friends and always joke around about “butt stuff” … lol. I know in the back of my husband’s mind he actually wants him the way I do and he admitted it to me… and we use toys to fulfill that pleasure he craves. But how do I go about mentioning it to the other man? My husband wants me to do it inconspicuously so as to not ruin their relationship if he in fact does not mean to ever try it. Although both of their mannerisms say it’s possible. Advice please? And maybe even an example of a way to bring it up…? 🙂 There has to be someone else who has been in a sort of similar situation. Polyamory is definitely a growing concept. Love is evergrowing. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/2 "2015-11-12T22:06:20Z")
Butt wont it hurt your husband? ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/3 "2015-11-12T22:15:52Z")
My first post was about anal sex too. Or maybe it was something else. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/4 "2015-11-12T22:26:21Z")
Start with DP… ---
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/5 "2015-11-12T22:30:08Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > Butt wont it hurt your husband? No it doesn’t, he actually loves the fact that I love someone else too. Especially someone he in fact has feelings for too. ---
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/6 "2015-11-12T22:31:15Z")
> [@AncientHumanoid](#): > > Start with DP… Done that lol ---
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/7 "2015-11-12T22:32:52Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > My first post was about anal sex too. > > Or maybe it was something else. It’s an interesting yet controversial subject. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/8 "2015-11-12T22:45:47Z")
> [@LuluFysh](#): > > And maybe even an example of a way to bring it up…? 🙂 Call him up to come over for dinner or a game and while you wait for him to come over get naked and bust out the strap-on. Just before he comes in the door start pegging your husband so that when he opens the door he’ll see you doing your husband in the butt and then he’ll know your husband likes it in the butt and he’ll probably join right in. ---
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/9 "2015-11-12T22:56:57Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Call him up to come over for dinner or a game and while you wait for him to come over get naked and bust out the strap-on. Just before he comes in the door start pegging your husband so that when he opens the door he’ll see you doing your husband in the butt and then he’ll know your husband likes it in the butt and he’ll probably join right in. It’s not that easy, he lives in another state because we moved and he plans to come visit but we have family living with us. But either way I don’t think I could do it that outright xD Plus I’m trying to talk to him before he comes because if it is a possibility I want it to happen we he visits. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/10 "2015-11-13T00:24:50Z")
If you guys are having threesomes, shouldn’t you be at a point in your relationship(s) where you can just come right out and say it? Send him an e-mail if it’s a long-distance issue: “My husband likes me to do him in the butt with toys. I think he might like the real thing from you, if that’s something you’re into. If so, I’ll mention it up to him. If not, let’s just ignore the idea.” ---
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/11 "2015-11-13T00:31:16Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > If you guys are having threesomes, shouldn’t you be at a point in your relationship(s) where you can just come right out and say it? Send him an e-mail if it’s a long-distance issue: “My husband likes me to do him in the butt with toys. I think he might like the real thing from you, if that’s something you’re into. If so, I’ll mention it up to him. If not, let’s just ignore the idea.” Thank you, you put a little bit more perspective in it for me. I’m just so worried about messing up all our relationships with each other and didn’t really think that way about it. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/12 "2015-11-13T01:16:38Z")
This question is totally made-up, but putting that aside, if you ask him in a respectful manner whether that’s something he would be into, he shouldn’t freak out. If he does, he’s got a problem with homophobia. ---
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/13 "2015-11-13T01:23:33Z")
> [@WF\_Tomba](#): > > This question is totally made-up, but putting that aside, if you ask him in a respectful manner whether that’s something he would be into, he shouldn’t freak out. If he does, he’s got a problem with homophobia. It is in fact very true and the conversation is going on at this very moment to my husband. And we’re waiting on the message back about what he thinks. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/14 "2015-11-13T02:04:47Z")
Which one of you is in the wheelchair? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/15 "2015-11-13T02:14:27Z")
Does Hallmark make a card for this? ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/16 "2015-11-13T02:30:58Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Does Hallmark make a card for this? Yes. Check the rear of the store. ---
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/17 "2015-11-13T02:41:45Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Which one of you is in the wheelchair? Me 😃 lmao ---
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/18 "2015-11-13T02:42:54Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > Yes. Check the rear of the store. Guess I should go grab that right about now ---
**Author:** ![splatterpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@splatterpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/splatterpunk)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/19 "2015-11-13T02:43:38Z")
> [@WF\_Tomba](#): > > This question is totally made-up, but putting that aside, if you ask him in a respectful manner whether that’s something he would be into, he shouldn’t freak out. If he does, he’s got a problem with homophobia. If you’re confident that the question is totally made-up, why would you answer the question as if it is not totally made-up? Also, a man not wanting to have sex with another man is not homophobia. ---
**Author:** ![LuluFysh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LuluFysh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuluFysh)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411/20 "2015-11-13T02:50:08Z")
> [@splatterpunk](#): > > If you’re confident that the question is totally made-up, why would you answer the question as if it is not totally made-up? > > Also, a man not wanting to have sex with another man is not homophobia. I just want to know who would make up something like this? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-both-bi-and-we-want-to-add-another-man-in-the-mix/737411.md?page=2)