# Were you an accident? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 1, 2010, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316 "2010-09-01T21:49:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/61 "2010-09-02T19:31:19Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > > [@Anaamika](#): > > > > Of course I was. > > > > I have shared this story before, but why not. My father seduced my mother. He was married, and her teacher - it was high school. She was either just underage or just above the age of majority, I’ve never gotten a straight answer. I don’t know how soon she knew she was pregnant, but she was away at hostel (dormitory) and was able to hide it from her sister, my aunt, by saying the lady at the dorm cooked oil-laden food. > > > > When I was born, my dad disowned me. I don’t know the details, but I do know he wasn’t going to mess up his marriage for something so paltry as a girl child. > > > > Thankfully my mother’s elder sister ended up adopting me. > > It’s a tough thing to deal with. My father, who I never met, officially deserted my mother and my siblings when I was two, but had been mostly absent long before that. He never looked back and never contacted any of his children, although my brother went to see him at some point as an adult. For the most part, it doesn’t matter to me other than wondering why someone would abandon his children. I know it hurt my sibs deeply. When my brother told me that he died, I just shrugged. I wonder more about my half-siblings. Did they ever even know about me? I know his wife knew. Did the kids know? It hurt me to feel so utterly abandoned but it wasn’t that I ever had hurt for him, just a lost dad. When I found out he died it didn’t bother me either. I never knew him. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/62 "2010-09-02T19:39:11Z")
Way planned. My parents had been trying for about 3 - 4 years to have me. My brother, who is about 20 months younger than me, was planned also, but given their previous experience they had expected to have waited a bit longer than they did. Both my kids were planned also. The first one got started on the first try (insert smug smiley here.) ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/63 "2010-09-02T19:53:08Z")
I wasn’t planned or unplanned. This was pre-Pill and before Roe v Wade, and I don’t think the idea of planning a family ever entered their heads. I’m the youngest of four kids, and Mom has said on a couple of occasions they kept having kids until they got it right (a joke, but there is some truth to it). They used to say that my sister was a total surprise (the pregnancy not the birth) because the two of them were painting the house that summer (plus having a one-year-old) and were bone-tired every night. When they found out Mom was pregnant they couldn’t recall any event that might have led to that. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/64 "2010-09-02T20:02:17Z")
Definitely an accident. I’m only 15 months apart from my brother, who reportedly was such a handful that my mother vowed never to have any more children. And then I showed up. ---
**Author:** ![InterestedObserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@InterestedObserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InterestedObserver)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/65 "2010-09-02T20:21:47Z")
Um, well, I know from bits of info I’ve heard over the years (all heresay) that my father wanted my mother to have an abortion (her telling of it). But I also wonder if my mother got pregnant intentionally (she’d had a stillborn infant a few yrs before by another husband and who knows? She might have done it on purpose:confused:) My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mother made sure he was never in my life, though I’ve heard from others who knew them both well at the time that he was a good man and she was just bitter . Knowing her, I tend to believe it. And I DO have some memories of my father (and of them fighting, mainly her instigating), so I tend to assume yes, I WAS an “accident” officially but not unwanted by either, ultimately. Clear as mud, I know. 😛 As for MY kids, my son (18) was a broken condom baby. Technically an accident, but I wonder…I’d been having dreams about being pregnant/having a baby for about 6 mths before he was conceived and his dad had been making puppy eyes at babies and gently hinting to me that we should have one for about the same time. And my daughter (10) was a WTF baby…borderline fertility, both preferred no condom…and BINGO! 🙂 I don’t really think there ARE any “accidents”, per se, or that being an “accident” (as most are and always have been) is any great shame. Does not mean you were not wanted and loved and CHOSEN, at some later point (or even before;)) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/66 "2010-09-02T20:56:20Z")
I’m pretty sure I was planned. My folks got married and wanted children. My brother arrived about 11 months after they married, and I’m about 3 years younger than my brother. That was considered to be good spacing at the time. My lucky parents even got the genders they wanted, in the order they wanted. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/67 "2010-09-02T22:36:48Z")
> [@SurrenderDorothy](#): > > I’m pretty sure I was planned and certainly wanted. I love looking at photos of myself and my family when I was a baby. It’s clear how much I was loved. Being unplanned does not mean ultimately unwanted. I know I was unplanned, I’ve known for years I was the reason they got married\* (had been dating for 7 years or so at that point). Yet I’ve never felt unloved, and there are plenty of pictures that show how much I was very much wanted. > [@](#): > > As far as I’m concerned, my daughter’s conception was an accident, but her birth was not. I like this quote. 🙂 \*And they look sickeningly cute together with each passing decade. ---
**Author:** ![JCorre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3da27b/32.png) [@JCorre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JCorre)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/68 "2010-09-02T23:44:38Z")
My Mom was on the pill when I was conceived. This was back in the early seventies so maybe the pill wasn’t as effective back then. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/69 "2010-09-03T00:38:29Z")
Watch your mouth - I was a surprise. 🙂 My mother is my dad’s second wife - in his first marriage they adopted because he was infertile. I told my mom she was an idiot for falling for that line. My mom knows exactly when I was conceived, too, because in the first year of their marriage my dad was out of the country on business most of the time. No, I do not look anything like the mailman. In fact, if they weren’t in black and white we could have just relabeled pictures of my dad as a kid for me. ---
**Author:** ![Lisa\_Ann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lisa\_Ann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa_Ann)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2010, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/70 "2010-09-03T04:33:10Z")
I was a surprise. But not unwanted. While my parents were driving from Minnesota to move to California they found out mom was pregnant with me. My two younger sisters were planned, just under two years and five years after me. Our little brother is another story. My mom had her tubes tied after the youngest sister was born and THEY GREW BACK. Or one tube did. Little brother is almost thirteen years younger than me. Both of my parents got fixed after that. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2010, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/71 "2010-09-03T04:37:42Z")
> [@SurrenderDorothy](#): > > I’m pretty sure I was planned and certainly wanted. I love looking at photos of myself and my family when I was a baby. It’s clear how much I was loved. Unplanned does not equal unloved. I’m sure you know that, but your post comes off as a little insensitive. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2010, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/72 "2010-09-03T13:00:25Z")
I, and all three of my siblings, were all planned. She even got the even numbering of genders that she wanted. 2 boys, 2 girls. I’m number 3. However, her first child, my older sister, was six weeks premature, which in 1965 was risky. That part wasn’t planned, to the point where she was even born at home, but it all turned out okay. ---
**Author:** ![Terra1041](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Terra1041](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terra1041)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/73 "2010-09-05T19:27:38Z")
I was an accident. I think I was even conceived on my parents’ wedding night. They didn’t want kids and never had any more than me. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/74 "2010-09-06T00:07:44Z")
Back in caveman days, my mom, even, will admit when she got married at a young age, she was really appallingly ignorant. Result: me! Followed by two brothers in quick succession. I just learned from her a couple years ago that after the birth of my second brother, her mother (an immigrant who had 12 (!) children) and her mother-in-law both sat her down and told her she was NOT going to become a baby factory. They introduced the concept known as “birth control”, sent her off to a GYN, and that was that! (much to mom’s relief, as she certainly didn’t want to have a dozen kids, either). So…I don’t know if I was an accident. I wasn’t planned or unplanned, I just sort of showed up. ---
**Author:** ![Landshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/77aa72/32.png) [@Landshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Landshark)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/75 "2010-09-06T01:26:14Z")
Not to my knowledge. My parents were never much to talk about such stuff. (I’m the first of their three children.) But, on a tangent, I think my now over-70-year-old father was an accident (though it’s a matter of conjecture, as that issue was never voiced in my presence.) I say that because I do know his mother was in her 40s when he was conceived and delivered (which was exceedingly rare at the time, planned or unplanned) and his three sisters were all several years older than him. (Two of them are still alive.) ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/76 "2010-09-06T16:29:00Z")
Yes, I was an accident and my father made it abundantly clear that I was whenever I disappointed him. If I hadn’t been born, my father would have been able to finish college, so he liked to blame me for that. I’m the oldest… my next sibling was born a mere 15 months after me, but I guess by that time my dad had given up and my brother was okay with his new plan or whatever. Never heard my dad blaming him for anything. ---
**Author:** ![Minnie\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Minnie\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minnie_Luna)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/77 "2010-09-06T16:48:48Z")
My sister and I were both planned, but my sister was almost accidentally aborted. Apparently, my parents were trying for #2, but were having a hard time conceiving. My mom had an appointment for a D&C, apparently to aid in conception. The day before, they went out for lunch with another couple. All four ended up with food poisoning, so she missed her appointment. A few days later she discovered she was pregnant with my sister. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Accident](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Mr.Accident](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Accident)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/78 "2010-09-06T16:57:52Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Your name is a bit of a giveaway. 😛 Heh, I didn’t even consider my user name when I made this post. How appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/79 "2010-09-06T17:07:06Z")
Total accident when my mother was 43. She’d been told she was infertile and they’d adopted 3 kids ahead of me. On my birth, my sister apparently said she felt sorry for me because I wasn’t ‘chosen’ like they were. So it was no secret! My sister, hereby known as The World’s Most Fertile and Forgetful Person, had four kids in 6 years, all using a different form of birth control. Her husband got the snip after the fourth. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316/80 "2010-09-07T00:02:43Z")
> [@Minnie\_Luna](#): > > My sister and I were both planned, but my sister was almost accidentally aborted. > > Apparently, my parents were trying for #2, but were having a hard time conceiving. My mom had an appointment for a D&C, apparently to aid in conception. The day before, they went out for lunch with another couple. All four ended up with food poisoning, so she missed her appointment. A few days later she discovered she was pregnant with my sister. Wouldn’t they have given her a pregnancy test first, or looked inside her uterus or something? I’ve never heard of inadvertant accidental abortions because of a routine D&C. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/were-you-an-accident/552316.md?page=5)