# We've come full circle: now it's awkward and borderline impolite to ask someone their LAST name **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 20, 2026, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001 "2026-10-20T15:43:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/21 "2026-10-20T18:01:45Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > They are all “you know, Alice from work” or “Big Dave” or “the other Rebecca that we went hiking with”. > > I would be very surprised (though not bothered) if any of them knew _my_ last name. > > Am I alone in this…? I have literally sent packages to people addressed to their Discord moniker because I didn’t actually know their real names (but did know their address!) ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/22 "2026-10-20T18:01:49Z")
My brother and SIL just ‘gave away’ my SIL’s adult daughter. AIUI, it was her _third_ marriage. In this case, I’m told, she is taking the groom’s last name. Now that’s _three to four_ of her last names that I utterly don’t know. Neither do I know the last names of her two kids. Neither do I actually know if the kids’ last names match any of my SIL’s daughter’s last names. And my SIL’s daughter has been family for about a quarter-century now. 🤷‍♂️ ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/23 "2026-10-20T18:08:26Z")
I’m with the OP on this one. I find it very strange that a babysitter does not know the babysitee’s mother’s surname. I’m sure if you use your imagination you could come up with a potential serious situation or three where such knowledge would be vital info to know. And I _really_ don’t understand the hesitation to ask the surname. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/24 "2026-10-20T18:14:16Z")
> [@DPRK](#): > > You indeed have no standing to run a Tier 5 SSBI on your wife’s friends. With our country’s security apparatus being more and more inflexible about using a full name without variation unless accompanied by legal documentation, I think some people are hesitant to give more identification than absolutely required. It used to be you could use one name for work and business, other names with your social networks, and yet more names with the different branches of your family. My grandparents and their siblings used multiple names and it was always interesting to hear what their peers and associates called them. We’re now almost completely transitioned into a paradigm of each person having “one true name”. There’s probably rational reasons for this, but to me it feels stifling. And asking for more of a person’s name starts to feel like a background check. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/25 "2026-10-20T18:15:09Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > pair of older ladies talking about how horribly offended they were that one of their kids’ friends dared to call them by their first name instead of Mrs X. I still remember it to this day because they came across as incredibly full of themselves and self-important to me. My mother is exactly like this. I’ll refrain from commenting on how much she may resemble the last part. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/26 "2026-10-20T18:51:58Z")
Does Mrs. H. know the child’s last name? It seems that yes, maybe it’s awkward because of the delay in asking, but if I was responsible for someone else’s child, I’d absolutely need to know the first and last names of any parents/guardians and the child themselves. This seems non-optional, as a requirement to be able to communicate with medical or other support professionals accurately and quickly. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/27 "2026-10-20T19:17:19Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Does Mrs. H. know the child’s last name? No, we assume she has her father’s last name but, again, not going to ask. ---
**Author:** ![MrAtoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MrAtoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAtoz)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/28 "2026-10-20T19:36:23Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > IMO it’s generational and also era-based. I think it must be, and this confirms, once again, my old-fogeyness. I can’t imagine not knowing my friends’ last names. The very idea is mind-boggling. If I don’t even know such basic information about them, how can I possibly consider them an actual friend? ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/29 "2026-10-20T19:46:03Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > on Facebook, Alicia just goes by her first and middle name, not her last This may just be sensible outward-facing caution for a young woman (even one living with a partner) with a young child. I get that you feel awkward not knowing, and you feel awkward asking, but is that coming from her or from you? (I feel awkward about a lot of interpersonal interactions out there in the world, but I’m pretty sure that’s just me.) I think your conclusion that this is generally awkward or borderline impolite is not supported by your single example. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/30 "2026-10-20T19:51:01Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > I get that you feel awkward not knowing, and you feel awkward asking, but is that coming from her or from you? It comes from Mrs. H, who is pious and deeply concerned with appearances and What People Think, and in her mind the worst sin one can commit is embarrass one’s self or one’s family. And so she forbids me from asking for Alicia’s last name as it would embarrass her (Mrs. H). ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/31 "2026-10-20T20:07:06Z")
You might explore with her what she intends to do while the parents are both unavailable and the child is suddenly injured or seriously ill and Mrs. H needs to call the paramedics. What does she plan to say when they ask who the parents are? “Bob and Jane who live across the street but aren’t home” might not be optimal for the child. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/32 "2026-10-20T20:25:06Z")
While I appreciate the sentiment, Alicia works from home and is literally only a phone call away, so if the shit hits the fan Mrs. H will just call her. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2026, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/33 "2026-10-20T20:48:31Z")
I think Dopers are missing the important point: what is “Alicia”–if that’s even her real name–hiding? Time to get the HOA or the Blockwatch involved. Check the garbage for bills and correspondence that might have the whole real name! Intercept postal deliveries. Chat up the meter readers. Check parcel deliveries left on the porch. National security demands no less! And frankly, it sounds like Mrs. H is in on this, wittingly or unwittingly! ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2026, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/34 "2026-10-21T01:45:31Z")
How is Alicia paying your wife - in bitcoin? ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2026, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/35 "2026-10-21T03:57:48Z")
Half the contacts on my phone have a last name like “Neighbor”, “Pickleball”, “Pinball”, or the name of the place they surf or the band they’re in. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2026, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/36 "2026-10-21T06:27:38Z")
I’m not very good with names so not having to remember last names would be nice for me. My iPhone contacts wants to list people by their last name, and most of the time I don’t know their last names. That’s for Westerners, Japanese tend to go by last name only and I won’t know their first name. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2026, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/37 "2026-10-21T06:36:12Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > I can’t imagine wanting to go by Mr X. Quite a few of my friends call me “Mr. Scudsucker” but it is more of a nickname than genuine respect. I do have it as my Whatsapp “name” field in the vain hope that someone will use the honourific unironically. ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2026, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/38 "2026-10-21T07:07:15Z")
I’m in the group who thinks that it is odd to think asking someone’s last name might be impolite. It’s just a name, after all. Heck, I know more than one person who I can refer to by only their last name among friends and associates. If nothing else, it usually makes it more clear who I’m talking about. I dabble in the entertainment industry, and I’m bad with names in the first place. Having some more sounds to differentiate you from the other people I know named “Chris” or “John” or “Jennifer” can go a hell of a long way. And well, I have a stupid last name that most people don’t know how to spell correctly from only hearing it. When a band mate of mine knows how to spell my name correctly in the credits, I think they might actually know me. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2026, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/39 "2026-10-21T08:12:22Z")
> [@scabpicker](#): > > I’m in the group who thinks that it is odd to think asking someone’s last name might be impolite. It’s just a name, after all. You can ask, but then you risk finding out that her full name happens to be Alicia None-Of-Your-Fucking-Business. Awkward. ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2026, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001/40 "2026-10-21T08:44:10Z")
Meh, it’d be less awkward than not being able to specify which person I was talking about when speaking to others. I can take being told it’s none of my fucking business, but then I’d kind of wonder what they were trying to hide by keeping their last name a secret. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weve-come-full-circle-now-its-awkward-and-borderline-impolite-to-ask-someone-their-last-name/1034001.md?page=3)