# Whacking It W/A Condom: Worst Excuse Ever? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 19, 2006, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255 "2006-02-19T22:56:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2006, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/1 "2006-02-19T22:56:31Z")
Quick poll – curious if anyone out there thinks this is in the least bit plausable. A friend of my wife does not believe her husband is cheating on her, despite ample evidence. Little things that’ve been going on for quite awhile – disappearing for hours at a time, girl’s phone numbers in his pockets, etc., but he always has an excuse that she buys into. Yesterday, she comes back from an overnight trip to her mother’s to find some pretty concrete evidence – there is a used condom floating in the toilet. His excuse? _“Well, it was old, so we couldn’t use it anymore. **So I used it while masturbating** ”_ WHAT?! Who in the happy bouncing hell whacks off wearing a fricking condom?! One of the nice things about whacking off is that you don’t _have_ to use a condom! So…poll time: Does anyone buy this guy’s excuse? ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2006, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/2 "2006-02-19T23:00:20Z")
Sounds like he is cheating on her but I do know people that masturbate with condoms. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2006, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/3 "2006-02-19T23:04:39Z")
Reminds me of a joke wherein a woman tells a male friend of hers that her husband explained the presence of a stray condom by claiming that he masturbated with it. She asks her friend, “Have you ever done something like that?” He says, “Sure, once or twice.” She replies, “You mean, you’ve really masturbated with a condom?” And he replies, “Oh, no. I thought you were asking me if I had ever lied to my wife.” ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2006, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/4 "2006-02-19T23:04:42Z")
No, and I feel for the woman if she decides to swallow that one. You’d better shore up your foundations, sounds like she’s going to need a very strong support system in the future. I’d make sure I was supportive (when she finally decides to quit living in denial) but wouldn’t let her put her whole weight on me either. Not for long enough for her to atrophy at the least. ---
**Author:** ![Khan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3ab097/32.png) [@Khan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khan)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2006, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/5 "2006-02-19T23:05:33Z")
Based on the background, it seems that the condom discovery is redundant. As for masturbation, condoms help with cleanup. A roommate once gave me a couple as a gag birthday present, even though my girlfriend at the time was saving it, not for marriage, but for when she was engaged. I figured it was better than just throwing them away, so… ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/6 "2006-02-20T03:42:59Z")
> [@Zabali\_Clawbane](#): > > No, and I feel for the woman if she decides to swallow that one. _snerk_ Seriously - the girl’s phone numbers should have been enough. My vote’s for “cheater”, with the added hope that she has him use protection in their elationship from now on, as IMO cheaters aren’t always shy of barebacking it. And of course, the big assumption is that those were girl’s numbers. Lots of _artistes_ use femme “working names” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/7 "2006-02-20T17:33:56Z")
When I was younger, I did it once or twice, just to see what it was like. I couldn’t imagine making a habit of it. Or buying condoms specifically for that purpose. So yeah, it’s not impossible that this guy is telling the truth, but only just. If there’s other evidence against this guy, this is the smoking gun, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/8 "2006-02-20T17:38:50Z")
Just posting to echo **Menocchio** ’s sentiments. Tried it once, years ago, just because; can’t imagine ever wanting to do it again. I would assume most guys who were ever going to try this have done so by age 20. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/9 "2006-02-20T18:07:16Z")
Given the history of suspicious behavior, the guy’s cheating and trying to get caught. If she confronts him about it, the secret is out in the open and he doesn’t have to be sneaky anymore. I only masturbated with a condom once. For 20 minutes… ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/10 "2006-02-20T18:09:56Z")
I lean to “cheating”, but it has been said that condom-enhanced masturbation does feel closer to the real thing. So I’ve heard. Really. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/11 "2006-02-20T18:19:01Z")
> [@McNew](#): > > I only masturbated with a condom once. For 20 minutes… That must have been years ago though. What, 45, 46? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/12 "2006-02-20T18:28:06Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > That must have been years ago though. What, 45, 46? Yep, about that. Oooh, just thinking about Mariana’s trench, I’m ready to go again. Now where did I put that rubber? ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/13 "2006-02-20T18:32:49Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > _“Well, it was old, so we couldn’t use it anymore. **So I used it while masturbating** ”_ Actually I’ve done that myself, with condoms that I don’t trust for “real” use (e.g. been in the wallet or glove compartment for a while). It’s a shame to throw it away unused. I wouldn’t say masturbation is _better_ with a condom, but it’s different and interesting. I’d consider it a circumstantial evidence, not a conclusive evidence. ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/14 "2006-02-20T19:03:27Z")
Yes, me too. Once, I think (too many years ago to recall…) With the other evidence, I’d say he’s cheating. If it quacks like a duck… ---
**Author:** ![Dusty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@Dusty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dusty)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/15 "2006-02-20T19:30:43Z")
Everyone else seems to be coming forward, so I will too. Yeah, I’ve tried it once, but it isn’t something I do regularly. It’s a different feeling. Not worse, just different. There are also more elaborate methods of masturbation besides the ol’ reliable that require a condom. I’m not suggesting this is the case here, but it is possible. Even if it is a lie, it’s not a bad excuse. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/16 "2006-02-20T19:39:54Z")
Maybe she knows and just doesn’t want to talk about it with you? Maybe she figures it’s none of your business and thinks if she denys it you’ll let it go? Doesn’t make sense to me really, but maybe it’s time for you to leave her be. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/17 "2006-02-20T19:49:19Z")
Done it a few times. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/18 "2006-02-20T20:41:25Z")
I pretty much agree with everyone else. If this had been the _only_ evidence, I’d probably buy the excuse—particularly since anybody smart enough to hide other evidence of cheating would be smart enough to not leave a used condom floating in the toilet. Combined with all the other indications, though, it’s pretty clear to me that (1) he’s cheating, and (2) she knows it, but doesn’t _want_ to believe it. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/19 "2006-02-21T06:28:13Z")
> [@Thudlow Boink](#): > > …it’s pretty clear to me that (1) he’s cheating, and (2) she knows it, but doesn’t _want_ to believe it. Ditto. However, I think she is just in denial and at some point, will finally admit it. However, the dude sounds like a real dufus - maybe he wants to be caught? All in all - don’t bank on them lasting together as a couple for too much longer. And using a condom to masturbate? Uh…I think most young boys do it once, just to see what it looks and feels like. But after the age of about 13? Nah…total bullshit story. Sort of like the pictures on a box containing a vibrating dildo…you know the picture…woman holding it and massaging _her neck_…yeah, right… ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/20 "2006-02-21T11:14:46Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Ditto. > > However, I think she is just in denial and at some point, will finally admit it. However, the dude sounds like a real dufus - maybe he wants to be caught? Agreed and agreed. It also occurs to me that IF he was actually using said condom with another person and not masturbating with it, he was cutting it pretty close in terms of when his wife was going to return, since he didn’t use the toilet at all after the condom was thrown in it. Yes, I know, people may have more than one toilet in their house, but this sounds like it’s in a pretty central location if it is convenient enough for used condoms to be thrown in it, and it’s someplace where the wife looked pretty soon after returning. [It makes sense in my head. I just can’t get the words to come out right at this hour/low level of caffeine.] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255.md?page=2)