# Whacking It W/A Condom: Worst Excuse Ever? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 19, 2006, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255 "2006-02-19T22:56:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/21 "2006-02-21T12:14:25Z")
I concur with pretty much everyone else. I’ve masturbated with a condom a few times. When I was a teen I did it as a dry run prior to my expected first-time. You know, just to make sure I had the mechinics of it down and everything. In later years I’d do it again to sorta ensure that I’d be able to use one when newly single after an extended period of in-relationship unprotected sex. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/22 "2006-02-21T14:13:18Z")
Masturbation w/condom is the best way to do cybersex. Put the lube inside the condom, neither hands nor keyboard get all sticky. Maybe good for phone sex too, if one is concerned about getting the telephone receiver all gooey. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/23 "2006-02-21T16:05:13Z")
I tried it once, as I recounted in the lambskin condom thread, it made me quite ill. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/24 "2006-02-21T17:38:58Z")
Definitely cheating. That is the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. ---
**Author:** ![phungi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phungi/32/395_2.png) [@phungi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phungi)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/25 "2006-02-21T17:42:22Z")
I once heard of a guy wearing a condom at a strip club, to avoid splooodging in his pants, but never heard of a married grown man stroking off in a condom. Cheater, cheater, dipped his peeter! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/26 "2006-02-21T18:17:27Z")
:rolleyes: He’s cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Queuing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/90ced4/32.png) [@Queuing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queuing)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/27 "2006-02-22T06:14:16Z")
I too have masterbated with a condom, but only once. Sounds fishy to me however. Married people use condoms? That just sucks, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/28 "2006-02-22T06:28:18Z")
I confess that I tried the condom thing a couple of times many years ago before I was married. It was basically a way to avoid a mess in the bed. You do you your business, you tie a knot in the rubber and you sling it across the room. Clean up over. Sleepy time. It sounds like the guy in the OP is cheating, though. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/29 "2006-02-22T06:45:33Z")
> [@Queuing](#): > > I too have masterbated with a condom, but only once. Sounds fishy to me however. > > Married people use condoms? That just sucks, IMO. Clearly, you’ve never been married. When you can have sex at all, condom or no…never mind. Just…be prepared. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/30 "2006-02-24T15:48:02Z")
People, we are all missing the most important part about this story: Never throw a condom in the toilet! They belong in the garbage. Condoms are not biodegradable in the time frame of sewage treatment. Why in the world would you put one in the toilet UNLESS you were afraid your wife would find it in the garbage… ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/31 "2006-02-24T15:53:59Z")
The wife may know for sure, but may not be willing to share her suspicions and pain with your wife. I wouldn’t tell anyone - what if I were mistaken - what if we reconciled - too much explaining to people who may care but really don’t need to be involved. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/32 "2006-02-24T15:54:07Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > So…poll time: Does anyone buy this guy’s excuse? Maybe his hands were _dirty_. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/33 "2006-02-24T16:32:43Z")
> [@BoringDad](#): > > People, we are all missing the most important part about this story: Never throw a condom in the toilet! They belong in the garbage. Condoms are not biodegradable in the time frame of sewage treatment. Why in the world would you put one in the toilet UNLESS you were afraid your wife would find it in the garbage… Or unless you WANTED your wife to find out. Don’t ask me to explain the psychology of that, for that you’d need to ask my ex. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/34 "2006-02-24T16:58:21Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > You do you your business, you tie a knot in the rubber and you sling it across the room. I hope it eventually made it into the trash can. Otherwise…yuck. And I second the point of not throwing your condoms in the toilet. Bad, bad, bad! ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/35 "2006-02-24T21:16:12Z")
> [@McNew](#): > > . . . just thinking about Mariana’s trench . . . So now we even know the name of his girlfriend. Anyway, it seems to me that this guy’s going out of his way to get caught. Leaving phone numbers in his pocket where his wife will find them, throwing a used condom in the toilet and not flushing . . . It’s not unusual for someone to leave evidence, in order to “soften the blow” when the truth finally comes out; or if he really wants her to know, but is too much of a coward to tell her. ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2006, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255/36 "2006-02-25T00:27:54Z")
Not only have I masturbated into a condom once, but I tossed it into the toilet and flushed…and it came back up. I didn’t notice. My wife found it and thought I was cheating. Swear to god. No, I don’t know Hal, and this was ages ago. Doesn’t mean that Hal’s friend ISN’T cheating, but his story can happen. It happened to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whacking-it-w-a-condom-worst-excuse-ever/345255.md?page=1)