# Whale tries to eat man **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 12, 2021, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124 "2021-06-12T15:44:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/41 "2021-06-13T21:41:34Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > If he used “divers” who would argue with him? Obviously it’s the monarch’s prerogative to obtain fresh seafood in any manner he sees fit. This may, however, have been a factor in the schism with Rome. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/42 "2021-06-13T22:03:41Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > We’re supposed to be God’s sheep, not his lobsters. Lobsters ain’t kosher, sarge. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/43 "2021-06-13T22:07:16Z")
> [@Baal\_Houtham](#): > > The point being that the righteous man can control his own buoyancy, hence using weights is an affront to the Lord. Right. Imagine the difficulty of doing witch trials if the witches got a hold of the weights. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/44 "2021-06-13T22:08:36Z")
The widely-used “duck” benchmark would have be quite useless. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/45 "2021-06-13T22:10:50Z")
Why a duck? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/46 "2021-06-13T22:21:27Z")
Look, suppose you come to a river and you want to ford it. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/47 "2021-06-13T22:21:51Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Why a duck? From the _Sermon On The Mount_ (Matthew 5-7), supplementary pdf: Jesus: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. Tell me, what do you do with witches? The People: Burn them! Jesus: And what do you burn, apart from witches? The People: More witches! Jesus: [pauses] The People: Wood! Jesus: So why do witches burn? The People: 'Cause they’re made of wood? Jesus: Good! How do we tell if she is made of wood? The People: Build a bridge out of her. Jesus: But can you not also make bridges out of stone? The People: Oh, yeah. Jesus: Does wood sink in water? The People: No, it floats. Throw her into the pond! Jesus: But what _also_ floats in water? The People: Bread. Apples. Very small rocks… Jesus: [pauses] [Unidentified voice, believed to be that of Jehovah]: A duck! Jesus: Exactly. So, logically… The People: …if she weighs the same as a duck she’s made of wood! Jesus: And therefore? The People: A witch! (New International Version) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/48 "2021-06-13T22:22:34Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > Obviously it’s the monarch’s prerogative to obtain fresh seafood in any manner he sees fit. This may, however, have been a factor in the schism with Rome. I think you are talking about Henry VIII here, the lucky guy with all the wives. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/49 "2021-06-13T22:45:54Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > We’re supposed to be God’s sheep, not his lobsters. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/50 "2021-06-13T22:59:21Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > lobsters fall in love and mate for life Some historians believe that the “Santa Claus” (Saint Claws) figure derives from the eccentric 12th century pope Urban III, who canonized a lobster that refused to mate again for the remaining 7 years of its life after its partner was killed by a poorly-ballasted diver. The story may be apocryphal, but some Roman Catholic historians claim that the traditional Santa Claus outfit derives from a red lobster costume worn by Urban III himself to social events. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2021, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/51 "2021-06-13T23:32:01Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > 12th century pope Urban III, who canonized a lobster Ah, the lobster cannon. As terrifying as it is deadly. > **[Pistol Shrimp - Drawception](https://drawception.com/game/SRTCynqAFT/pistol-shrimp/)** > > Here's what happened when 12 random people took turns drawing and describing, starting with the prompt "Pistol Shrimp". ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2021, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/52 "2021-06-14T01:51:56Z")
Wow! I’m 30 posts too late, but golly The Whoosh is strong in that one. @kenobi_65 would be so proud. > [@TriPolar](#): > > Meh. Just another whale swallows man story. That’s not news. You want news? Come back when you have a man swallows whale story. Well we recently had the [man swallows cockroach(es) story] that ended even worse. And last I saw, cockroaches are much smaller than whales. > [@I believe I have discovered the worst “food” item in existence](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-believe-i-have-discovered-the-worst-food-item-in-existence/942741/41): > > As gross as eating a live octopus sounds, I’d rather eat that than what this guy ate: ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2021, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/53 "2021-06-14T10:53:06Z")
Humpbacks probably spit out human flotsam and jetsam several times a day. Their principal diet is krill, less than an inch long, and they would choke on anything larger. They also have no chewing or biting mechanism. ---
**Author:** ![its\_the\_daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bb73d2/32.png) [@its\_the\_daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/its_the_daddy)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2021, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/54 "2021-06-14T11:00:19Z")
[the world is your lobster - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCn7Kp2M8Cc) from _Minder_ ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2021, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/55 "2021-06-14T11:23:52Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > I think there’s more mileage in bible verses about divers. Believe it or not, Deutoronmy 25:13 says: > > > Thou shalt not have in thy bag divers weights > > and Proverbs 20:23 says > > > Divers weights are an abomination unto the LORD And yet, the Lord is merciful, for when divers get the bends, or other ailments related to deep-sea diving, he cures them. I cite Matthew 4:24: > And his fame went throughout all Syria: and they brought unto him all sick people that were taken with divers diseases and torments, those which were possessed with decompression sickness, those that suffered nitrogen narcosis, and yea, verily, even those afflicted by high-pressure neurological syndrome and barotrauma, and he healed them all. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2021, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/56 "2021-06-14T12:17:54Z")
Did @Voyager really get _both_ a Marx Brothers _and_ a Firesign Theatre reference in ? Well, raise my rent … ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2021, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/57 "2021-06-14T14:30:52Z")
Whatever we’re all paying here, it ain’t enough. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2021, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/58 "2021-06-15T04:25:25Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Whatever we’re all paying here, it ain’t enough If only we could find someone with deep pockets to join up and help fund things. I think that they call that a “[rich guy](https://community-sitcom.fandom.com/wiki/Economics_of_Marine_Biology).” ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2021, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124/59 "2021-06-16T02:50:53Z")
This would be funnier if he’d been a whaler instead of a lobsterman. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whale-tries-to-eat-man/944124.md?page=2)