# What a catch!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [September 19, 2008, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326 "2008-09-19T16:26:30Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 6

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**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\
**Post date:** [September 21, 2008, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/101 "2008-09-21T01:27:56Z")

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> [@gigi](#):
>
> [Mistakes - Despair, Inc.](http://www.despair.com/mis24x30prin.html)

::: Shakes fist:::  
Damn you, I was going to post that.🙂

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**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\
**Post date:** [September 21, 2008, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/102 "2008-09-21T02:01:10Z")

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Was anyone else amused by the fact that he had a parenthetical explanation for the acronym LOL? On second thought, it makes total sense. If you’re a fundie woman with desires of being a SAHM who is dominated by your husband, you probably haven’t been on the intertubes very much. The only time you get online is to check your email, where no one ever says LOL, because the only people you get email from are other husband-dominated SAHMs. And they don’t know what LOL means either. But wait, how would they get to the dating site, then? Maybe they heard about “Googol” from one of their friends, and typed “domineering jackass dating personal ad +Metallica” into the search box.

Nope, even if all that were true, they still would have seen LOL in the internet. It’s pretty much a requirement these days. When you connect for the first time, the word LOL pops up with a translation. In fact, I’m pretty sure that AOL is has replaced “you’ve-got-mail” with “LOL-LOL-LOL.” And their login screen has both LOLLERSKATES and the ROFLCOPTER on it.

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**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\
**Post date:** [September 21, 2008, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/103 "2008-09-21T07:37:09Z")

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> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#):
>
> Was anyone else amused by the fact that he had a parenthetical explanation for the acronym LOL?

I loved that he explained it not just in the first instance, but every. single. time. Because abbreviations are _supposed_ to be six characters longer than the phrase you want to type.

I also love that he rags on men who divorce their wives as not REAL men. He’s far superior, after all, and would never… oh wait…

And this:

> [@](#):
>
> …nor do I speak condescendingly to my women…

Snerk. No, just to _every_ woman. And man. Whoever.

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**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\
**Post date:** [September 21, 2008, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/104 "2008-09-21T09:10:02Z")

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> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#):
>
> Maybe they heard about “Googol” from one of their friends, and typed “domineering jackass dating personal ad +Metallica” into the search box.

[That only gets you about 900 hits, BTW.](http://www.google.com/search?client=opera&rls=en&q=domineering+jackass+dating+personal+ad+%2BMetallica&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8) I’m not sure that its a good thing its a small number, or if we should be worried because it gets _some_ hits.

What’s sad is that the jackass will probably wind up getting “married” before me, and my “standards” are nowhere _near_ as restrictive as his, and I tend to be a bit flexible on them. (I will **not** budge on the “bipedal” and “female” requirements, however.)

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**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\
**Post date:** [September 21, 2008, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/105 "2008-09-21T14:04:58Z")

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> [@Tuckerfan](#):
>
> [That only gets you about 900 hits, BTW.](http://www.google.com/search?client=opera&rls=en&q=domineering+jackass+dating+personal+ad+%2BMetallica&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8) I’m not sure that its a good thing its a small number, or if we should be worried because it gets _some_ hits.
> 
> What’s sad is that the jackass will probably wind up getting “married” before me, and my “standards” are nowhere _near_ as restrictive as his, and I tend to be a bit flexible on them. (I will **not** budge on the “bipedal” and “female” requirements, however.)

I clicked on your link, and it gave me closer to 1900 hits. I weep for humanity. I’d feel bad for Metallica too, but fuck Lars.

PS I had forgotten that I’d turned my language options in Google to the Swedish Chef.

> [@Google's Bork option](#):
>
> Veb Imeges Gruoops Durectury
> 
> Edfunced Seerch  
> Prefferences
> 
> Resoolts 1 - 10 ooff ebuoot 1,910 fur domineering jackass dating personal ad +Metallica. (0.29 secunds)

hehe

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**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\
**Post date:** [September 21, 2008, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/106 "2008-09-21T14:17:28Z")

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I never knew that Google has a bork, bork, bork option! Many thanks–I just changed to it.

Maybe this exquisite example of manhood would read funnier in Swedish Chef. I’d link to it again, but doubt that even the Muppets can help this lost cause.

I wonder what his tombstone will say: “I was willing, but none of you would cooperate”?

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**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\
**Post date:** [September 21, 2008, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/107 "2008-09-21T20:21:19Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> You are looking for a well to do man who will provide you with a life of little work and lots of leisure and play. I am not looking for a whore, I am not a “Sugar Daddy”. All girls seeking a “Sugar Daddy” are whores.

_glances over at 1 pound Sugar Daddy won last week at work_

Aw, DAMN! 😃

On a serious note, I had to go look: this guy sounded like my ex. But thank goodness, he wasn’t.

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**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/108 "2008-09-22T06:26:38Z")

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I just loved this part, under the marvelous heading “Do NOT Fall in Love with Me until I say so!”

> [@](#):
>
> If you start thinking things like, “He is perfect.” or “He’s the most wonderful man.” then go find someone to give you a hard slap across the face and throw an ice cold bucket of water on you. You are not thinking clearly. I tell you right now, I am by no means perfect nor am I all that wonderful. Besides, I have enough of a pride problem, I don’t need you adding to it. LOL

Thank goodness he was thoughtful enough to provide such helpful advice to anyone who had read the prior 4,500 words and begun falling helplessly in love with him. Of course, no woman could possibly read the remaining 7,800 words and not be convinced that he was simply being modest by claiming that he’s not perfect.

> [@Unauthorized Cinnamon](#):
>
> …as a fat, large breasted, 35 year old, educated, self-respecting, atheistic woman who has career plans…

So, **Unauthorized Cinnamon** , how _you_ doin’?

Now, if you’ll just fill out this brief questionnaire, take a few pictures of yourself in certain clothes, and follow all my other directions to the letter, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

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**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/109 "2008-09-22T07:37:14Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> What’s sad is that the jackass will probably wind up getting “married” before me, and my “standards” are nowhere near as restrictive as his, and I tend to be a bit flexible on them. (I will not budge on the “bipedal” and “female” requirements, however.)

It’s good to have standards, but I think that you are aiming too low. I think that you should include “breathing” somewhere in there as well.

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**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/110 "2008-09-22T07:42:01Z")

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> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#):
>
> It’s good to have standards, but I think that you are aiming too low. I think that you should include “breathing” somewhere in there as well.

Hey, now, I haven’t had a date in a couple of years, I don’t want to cut my chances down any more than I have to. 😉

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**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/111 "2008-09-22T13:30:29Z")

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When a man like this marries a woman like this it’s a cult. We locked up a nutcase team like that last year. They had their own church, paid no taxes and filed harassing liens on the property of anybody that ever disagreed with them. The statements printed during the trials were priceless.

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**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/112 "2008-09-22T13:48:34Z")

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> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#):
>
> It’s good to have standards, but I think that you are aiming too low. I think that you should include “breathing” somewhere in there as well.

Yup–the breathing part has tripped up better men than you, **Tuck** … 😉

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**Author:** ![Mikemike2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikemike2/32/305_2.png) [@Mikemike2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikemike2)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/113 "2008-09-22T14:57:33Z")

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I skimmed his blog and was looking for the part where he claims he is super rich. Otherwise what is in it for the women (a question this guy failed to ask himself)? But, after jumping through all his hoops, his offer is to help him start a new business. No Bon Bons for his new love (once he gives permission).

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**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/114 "2008-09-22T15:09:38Z")

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What is it that makes me think this “business” he wants to start up will involve a webcam, a Vietnamese fuck-chair and some shrink tubing?

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**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/115 "2008-09-22T15:31:20Z")

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Just a quick note to all you heartbroken ladies that didn’t meet his qualifications.

I’ll be more than happy to help you rebuild your self esteem.

Go ahead and call me. My addy is in my profile… 😉

Big bazoombas always welcome!

Sorry guys, you’re still on your own for this one.

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**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\
**Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/116 "2008-09-23T01:50:01Z")

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> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#):
>
> When a man like this marries a woman like this it’s a cult. We locked up a nutcase team like that last year. They had their own church, paid no taxes and filed harassing liens on the property of anybody that ever disagreed with them. The statements printed during the trials were priceless.

We locked up Phred Phelps?!!  
Oh… damn. Wrong cult.

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**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\
**Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/117 "2008-09-23T02:34:16Z")

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> [@Jack\_Batty](#):
>
> What is it that makes me think this “business” he wants to start up will involve a webcam, a Vietnamese fuck-chair and some shrink tubing?

I thought it would be Amway.

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**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\
**Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/118 "2008-09-23T07:42:47Z")

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> [@Projammer](#):
>
> Just a quick note to all you heartbroken ladies that didn’t meet his qualifications.
> 
> I’ll be more than happy to help you rebuild your self esteem.
> 
> Go ahead and call me. My addy is in my profile.. 😉
> 
> Big bazoombas always welcome!
> 
> Sorry guys, you’re still on your own for this one.

Heee hee hee hee heee…“Bazoombas”

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**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\
**Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/119 "2008-09-23T18:29:19Z")

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> [@commasense](#):
>
> So, **Unauthorized Cinnamon** , how _you_ doin’?

Married. 😉 But you know, I could use a spare “husband.” Please send your medical records, resume, and ten character references to me, and we’ll see what we can do.

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**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\
**Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-catch/464326/120 "2008-09-24T00:51:44Z")

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> [@Uncommon\_Sense](#):
>
> Right, he probably dated _one_ coke-whore in the past and now the rest of you have to pay for it!!  
> Damn coke-whores!

And therefore, he insists on Pepsi sluts?

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