# What a good idea! Let's have Lockheed fucking Martin conduct the Canadian census! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 10, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666 "2003-10-10T13:28:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/41 "2003-10-11T14:13:27Z")
Two words: Target Data ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/42 "2003-10-11T14:41:49Z")
Lockheed Martin Canada is owned 100% by Lockheed Martin. Yeah, I’m so relieved it’s really a CANADIAN company doing it. Okay, this does kind of freak me out. Am I worried about immediate consequences? Not really. But I am worried about precedent. And if people could please leave the anglo/francophone thing out of ONE conversation about Canada, that would be just terrific. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/43 "2003-10-11T14:55:09Z")
Hmm…Lockheed-Martin \ ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/44 "2003-10-11T15:24:43Z")
I’m just worried that the company will have trouble dealing with the [metric system](http://clive.canoe.ca/CNEWSHeyMartha9911/10_metric.html). > [@](#): > > It was a mathematical mismatch that was not caught until after the $125-million spacecraft, a key part of NASA’s Mars exploration program, was sent crashing too low and too fast into the Martian atmosphere. The craft has not been heard from since. > > \ > > Noel Henners of **Lockheed Martin Astronautics, the prime contractor** for the Mars craft, said at a news conference it was up to his company’s engineers to assure the metric systems used in one computer program were compatible with the English system used in another program. The simple conversion check was not done, he said. Now _that_ really inspires confidence in their data-handling abilities. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/45 "2003-10-11T15:28:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mhendo \* > \*\* I’m just worried that the company will have trouble dealing with the [metric system](http://clive.canoe.ca/CNEWSHeyMartha9911/10_metric.html). \*\* Hee! Take their population number and multiply it by the exchange rate, just to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/46 "2003-10-11T16:27:44Z")
The concept of a foreign controlled non-governmental entity compiling and accessing direct personal information on Canadians who are required to submit such information or subject to significant penalty is so utterly ridiculous and illegal, that I suspect Rock is toying with Blaikie with the intent to make the NDP look shrill and foolish. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/47 "2003-10-11T21:50:40Z")
**Extraneous** : go fuck a fireplace. And next time read the OP before jumping in with your generalizations about Quebecers not caring about Canada. And don’t make me get out the barbed-wire buttplug I’ve been known to brandish in the Pit. - **scott evil** , Canadian, Quebecer, Montrealer, bilingual by birth, and killer queen _extraordinaire_\* - That’s frog for extraordinary, shitwit. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/48 "2003-10-12T01:56:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > **go fuck a fireplace** Wow, literally _hot_ sex! ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/49 "2003-10-12T09:15:34Z")
I agree that it’s unsettling to know that a U.S. military contractor might concievably let the U.S. gov’t see personal information about Canadian individuals “in the name of national security” or something. Not that I don’t trust the U.S. gov’t, but… hell, I don’t trust the U.S. gov’t! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Extraneous \*p.s. - if the US military wanted to track Muslim Canadians, they can do so without going to the trouble of conducting an entire national census, fer crying’ out loud. Get a grip. I don’t really think you can back that up, actually. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/50 "2003-10-12T15:26:33Z")
I. Do. Not. Trust. The. U.S. Government. And. Or. Military. Complex. I mean, they fabricated evidence for a war (IMO IMO IMO IMO IMO don’t fucking JUMP down my throat unless you’re 9 inches and cut)… They practise racial profiling (including suspending civil liberties of certain arrested parties - read: those of Middle-Eastern origin - in the name of “national security”). And you try to point these things out. What do you get? The shrill, tired, **“9-11! 9-11! How dare you! This is because of 9-11! We lost 3000 people! 9-11!”** instead of any kind of justification. And I don’t want those fuckers - who can be bought, coerced, or forced in the name of Old Glory - to have that level of delicate, personal information on me, or the rest of my fellow Canadians. Why is that so hard for some of you to understand? ---
**Author:** ![Extraneous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/0ea827/32.png) [@Extraneous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Extraneous)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/51 "2003-10-12T17:52:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > \*\ ***Extraneous** : go fuck a fireplace. And next time read the OP before jumping in with your generalizations about Quebecers not caring about Canada. Oh you lily-livered wimp! “Quebecers”? Friggin “Quebecers”? What the hell are you trying to do, pass for Anglo? If you’re going to be a wannbe-frog, be a damned **PROUD** wannabe-frog - now say the word _properly_! p.s. - yeah, a census as an intelligence-gathering tool - I’m sure Osama would conscientiously fill out the form. I can see it now: 1. Are you pre-disposed to harm the United States of America, its people, or its interests? a. Yes o b. No o (check one) Hell, I’ve been known to lie when filling out forms - and I’m legal! I think we should at least give the baddies credit for knoing better than to identify themselves as targets on a census form! ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/52 "2003-10-12T18:11:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Extraneous \* > Oh you lily-livered wimp! “Quebecers”? Friggin “Quebecers”? What the hell are you trying to do, pass for Anglo? Actually, English is my mother tongue. I just happened to be brought up in a bilingual household, because my mother is French-Canadian, and my father is English-Canadian. And I was born in Ontario, and lived there until I was 20. Fuckwit. > [@](#): > > If you’re going to be a wannbe-frog, be a damned **PROUD** wannabe-frog - now say the word _properly_! Perhaps you could give me some diction and dialect lessons. > [@](#): > > Hell, I’ve been known to lie when filling out forms - and I’m legal! Yeah, we socialist faggots have _nothing_ to worry about with the U.S. government potentially having access to that information. :rolleyes: > [@](#): > > I think we should at least give the baddies credit for knoing better than to identify themselves as targets on a census form! Baddies? Who are your “baddies?” Arabs? Muslims? I guess they’ll all be checking “Caucasian” and “Christian” on their census forms. Otherwise they might identify themselves as “baddies,” and quite frankly, I think that’s what you’re trying to say. God forbid they should be rounded up and interrogated and detained without charges - _oh wait,_ that’s already happening in your country. You’re an idiot. 1. Learn a little bit about Canada. I think there are some books out there with big lettering and small words. 2. Once you do, shut the fuck up anyway. 3. Go jerk off over your Dubya/Blair/Condie/Ridge 9-11 relief fundraiser swimsuit calendar. And _do_ try that autoerotic asphyxiation thing. I hear it’s the shiznit. ---
**Author:** ![lokij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@lokij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lokij)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/53 "2003-10-12T18:17:46Z")
Because your country relies on us heavily for your own security to the point that you’ve been able to decrease your own military spending to 1.1 percent of your GDP against a global average of 1.9. Because if we want sensitive information about you we have the means, electronic and political to acquire what we want without anyone being the wiser anyway. Because your government is looking at outsourcing a great many other things in an effort to save money as well, including your own air soveriegnty patrols so outsourcing your census isn’t a stretch at all. If Canadians are this concerned about us and our intentions they would do well to increase their military spending, tighten up their border with us (which BTW we would appreciate anyway), support their own indigenous security and logistics companies (if you have any left) and quit whining. ---
**Author:** ![Extraneous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/0ea827/32.png) [@Extraneous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Extraneous)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/54 "2003-10-12T18:30:38Z")
Those who speak French and live in Quebec, what is the term? I think the word is something like “Quebecois”, no? Sorry, no little squiggles on this keyboard. **Scott** dear, you went out of your way to move from Ontario _to_ Quebec, as an adult? Sorry, you are Quebecois by friggin’ choice! And, Frankly my dear, anything that makes the Quebecois squirm is fine with me 😃 [sub]I hope they stick microchips in the lot of them - paranoia is fun to watch![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/55 "2003-10-12T18:48:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lokij \* > \*\*If Canadians are this concerned about us and our intentions they would do well to increase their military spending, tighten up their border with us (which BTW we would appreciate anyway), support their own indigenous security and logistics companies (if you have any left) and quit whining. \*\* Regarding border security, America might want to clean its own house first, given that the 9/11 hijackers were all here on valid visas, according to [this site](http://www.terrorismanswers.org/security/borders_print.html). Admittedly, three of the visas had expired, but the fact remains that the visas were issued by US agencies in the first place. And all that military spending that you encourage wasn’t much use against 19 guys with box-cutters, was it? You might also want to tell the morons who persist in devoting so much energy to the “war on drugs” and on stopping some Mexicans crossing the Rio Grande that terrorists present a greater danger to the security of the United States than a bit of dope or a few more agricultural laborers. From the same site: > [@](#): > > While none of the September 11 hijackers entered via Canada, several unsuccessful plots to attack American targets have been planned by foreign terrorists operating out of Canada. Moreover, Canadian intelligence officials estimate that some 50 known terrorist organizations have cells in Canada. **But before September 11, U.S. border agencies were focused almost exclusively on stopping drugs and illegal migrants from crossing the Mexican border. Both the INS and the Customs Service had shifted staff from the Canadian border to the Mexican border, despite a 90 percent increase in the volume of U.S.-Canada trade since 1990.** Canadian security forces share their intelligence with American security forces, and Canadians have been instrumental in foiling plots to carry out terrorist against aginst the US. But it’s hardly the Canadians’ fault if US border agencies have generally been more interested in stopping the weed and the “wetbacks” than in stopping terrorism. Furthermore, on the issue of increased defence spending, has it occurred to you that high US military spending, combined with an activist foreign policy, might be one of the things that encourages terrorist groups to target the US? After all, the Canadians believe that there are 50 terrorist organizations with cells in Canada, and yet those cells focus their anger on the US, not on Canada where they could conceivably carry out attacks much more easily. Maybe Canada’s reluctance to turn into a belligerent military power reflects a pragmatic desire to avoid terrorist attacks. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/56 "2003-10-12T18:50:59Z")
Have you ever heard of anglophone or allophone Quebecers? Oh, and I voted ‘NO’ in the 1995 referendum. Finally, do _not_ call me dear again or I’ll ram my Canadian flagpole so far up your ass your cherry will come out your throat. (Shit already spews out of your mouth. Wouldn’t be much of a change.) ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/57 "2003-10-12T18:53:54Z")
That was meant for **Extraneous** of course. _{{Wonders where **matt** is…}}_ ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/58 "2003-10-12T18:56:11Z")
I lived in Vancouver for two years in the early 1990s. When i visited Montreal some years ago, i was rather perplexed by the way that some Quebecois reacted to my admission that i was living in Vancouver. I would get a whole bunch of complaints about how the English-speaking half of Canada treated Quebec like shit, and the Quebecois like a bunch of morons. I had to tell my Montreal friends that, in my two years on the west coast, i had never heard anyone use the type of insults that they described. Unfortunately, it’s a few morons like **Extraneous** who confirm in the minds of Quebecois that the rest of Canada is full of prejudiced, narrow-minded idiots. I should add that i’ve met some narrow-minded, Anglophobe, idiot Quebecois in my time too, and that they are no better than their English-speaking counterparts. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/59 "2003-10-12T19:03:39Z")
I have no clue about where **matt** is, and I find **Extra** ’s belief that he’s French-Canadian hilarious, as I’m possibly more French-Canadian than he is. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666/60 "2003-10-12T19:17:56Z")
He also thinks I’m French-Canadian. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-a-good-idea-lets-have-lockheed-fucking-martin-conduct-the-canadian-census/206666.md?page=4)