# What Actor Would You Pay To Read the Phone Book?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [April 18, 2004, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620 "2004-04-18T02:47:50Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/1 "2004-04-18T02:47:50Z")
Everyone has a performer who has such an interesting voice. A sexy voice. A voice that makes you slide off your seat in orgasmic joy. sometimes they are nicely packaged too, which is always a bonus.
For me:
\*\*Men: \*\*
James Earl Jones
Alan Rickman
Patrick Stewart
Rip Torn
Peter O’Toole
\*\*Women \*\*
Kathleen Turner
Lauren Bacall
Linda Hunt
And a few others that I can’t think of right now.
---
### Author:  [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/2 "2004-04-18T02:52:10Z")
Gilbert Gottfried.
---
### Author:  [@BabaBooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BabaBooey)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/3 "2004-04-18T02:54:53Z")
I’ll second the Gottfried and add Mr. Stephen Hawking.
---
### Author:  [@Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightwatch_Trailer)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/4 "2004-04-18T03:15:08Z")
Al Pacino. Liv Tyler. And a second for James Earl Jones.
---
### Author:  [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/5 "2004-04-18T03:16:12Z")
Martin Sheen
---
### Author:  [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/6 "2004-04-18T03:19:12Z")
Attempting to re-reail this thread…
Men – all of **Shirley Ujest** ’s list, plus:
Tom Selleck
Kevin Kline
Kevin Spacey
Nick Rhodes from the band Duran Duran
Anderson Cooper from CNN
Christopher Meloni from Law & Order SVU
Gov. George Pataki (shut up!) 😃
Terence Stamp
Women:
Emma Thompson
Lorraine Toussaint
[Paula Deen](http://www.foodtv.com/food/paula_deen/article/0,1974,FOOD_11023_1670938,00.html)
Annie Potts
Megan Mullaly (using her natural voice, not the “Karen”)
Frances Sternhagen
Bonnie Bedelia
Jill Hennessey
After a Seance:
Gregory Peck
Rosemary Clooney
---
### Author:  [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/7 "2004-04-18T03:45:33Z")
Male: William Shatner. Definitely! Oh, how funny that would be.
Female: Rosie Perez. But after the first couple of pages, I’d be forced to shoot her.
---
### Author:  [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/8 "2004-04-18T03:54:15Z")
Tim Curry. He could make the phone book sound like he was reading the _Necronomicon_. And I heard him reading part of the _Series of Unfortunate Events_ books via an MP3 from Salon and…WOW. Perfect.
---
### Author:  [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/9 "2004-04-18T04:09:31Z")
Of those not mentioned yet, Jeremy Irons and Anthony Hopkins. Jean Simmons’ narration saves lots of otherwise mediocre or less documentaries.
---
### Author:  [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/10 "2004-04-18T04:18:23Z")
Sir Ian McKellen!
He’s so dreamy. And old and gay. But I adore him anyway.
---
### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/11 "2004-04-18T04:22:09Z")
\*\*Lewis Black \*\* and \*\*Gilbert Gottfried \*\* That would be funny.
---
### Author:  [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/12 "2004-04-18T04:26:13Z")
Andy Garcia. That soft, quiet voice with a trace accent…_shiver_…myyyy word.
Sean Connery
Laurence Fishburne
Anthony Hopkins
Sam Elliott
John Malkovich
Rupert Everett
Audrey Hepburn
Kathleen Turner
Isabella Rosselini (sp?)
Lolita Davidovich
Minnie Driver
Cate Blanchett
---
### Author:  [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/13 "2004-04-18T04:48:18Z")
Men:
**James Earl Jones** (seems to be a thread favorite).
And since a few people who have “passed on” have been mentioned, how about **Paul Frees**? He probably was a character voice in about 99% of those Christmas specials. He was the voice of Boris Badenov and John Beresford Tipton (the TV show the Millionaire). Perhaps he is best known as the voice of the Talking Rings from the original “Time Machine” (1960)
Women:
The actress **Teresa Russell** has a sexy voice.
The singer **Carly Simon** has a _nice sultry_ speaking voice.
---
### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/14 "2004-04-18T04:48:43Z")
Christopher Walken
---
### Author:  [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/15 "2004-04-18T04:56:50Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#):
>
> Christopher Walken
I’ve got an MP3 of him reading The Raven. It’s very…Walken.
---
### Author:  [@AfterAugust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AfterAugust)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/16 "2004-04-18T05:05:47Z")
Alan Rickman…I can’t believe more people haven’t listed him.
He could seduce a stone.
---
### Author:  [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/17 "2004-04-18T05:42:24Z")
There are numerous wonderful spoken word -professionals unknown to most of us. It takes a rare voice to outweigh the visual impact. All senses aren’t born equal, or sumpin’ like that. Purely auditory finesse is an a whole 'nother animal.\*
Check out reviews for spoken-word recordings of books, in any format. It’s amazing what the human voice can do, all on its own.
One of my '“light bulb” moments came during a Talking Books program for my library. It’s a great program, offered free through the state, for people who use print for various reasons. The room was _packed_; people with guide dogs, friendly “leaders”, etc., for somebody I’d never heard of. Very weird.
A very unassuming, small, gray guy–until he opened his mouth. God, what a revelation. The man’s mind and voice were finely tuned instruments. He knew his material, inside and out, and brought it alive, just through his voice. No wonder he was mobbed. Pure wizardry in the service of imagination.
Just mentioning a largely unknown substrata of real, working _pros_, doncha know.
It somewhat makes a joke of “star” voices in animated films. They have the fame but oftimes–IMO–real pros would serve much better.
---
### Author:  [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/18 "2004-04-18T05:44:37Z")
Why, John Cleese, of course.
Sorry, just that the OP reminds me of an old quote, something along the lines of “…John Cleese would still be funny if he was reading out of a Swedish phone book”. Or thereabouts.
---
### Author:  [@thermalribbon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thermalribbon)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/19 "2004-04-18T05:51:01Z")
Jeff Bridges as (of course) **The Dude!**.
I mean, wouldn’t it be great to have that guy leave your outgoing voice mail message? I mean, wouldn’t it?
---
### Author:  [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2004, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/20 "2004-04-18T05:53:53Z")
Hmmm… I like rich voices, not necessarily deep ones. James Earl Jones has a nice voice, but he rarely sounds conversational, if that makes sense - I always feel as though I should be taking notes. A subtle accent is yummy, especially English, Irish or Spanish. So Patrick Stewart, for sure, Antonio Banderas, and…umm, trying to think of someone with an Irish accent that I actually like, and I can’t at the moment.
Of the local boys, I would not only pay money to watch Michael T. Weiss read the phone book, I’d even offer to turn the pages for him.
Women - Kathleen Turner for sure, Emma Thompson also.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620.md?page=2)