# What Actor Would You Pay To Read the Phone Book? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 18, 2004, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620 "2004-04-18T02:47:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/41 "2004-04-18T20:24:13Z")
Men: Jeremy Irons Patrick Stewart Antonio Banderas Sean Connery Yul Brenner (if only) Peter O’Toole Adrian Paul Women: Earth Kitt Kathleen Turner Ornella Muti ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/42 "2004-04-18T20:27:45Z")
> [@](#): > > Then again, I think I’d choose to have him sing at least half the phone book. **Tiramisu** , have you heard him sing Hit Me Baby One More Time? He even makes that sound sexy. OH, and I meant Eartha Kitt in my list above. ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/43 "2004-04-18T20:44:00Z")
Liev Schreiber and/or Vin Diesel ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/44 "2004-04-18T22:14:22Z")
All my choices are for the wrong reasons: Andy Rooney - just because he’s so whiney and repetative, and that hopefully reading the phone book might keep him occupied for the rest of his life. Rosie Perez - To see how long she could go without cussing while reading. Susan Tyrell or Dorothy Lucey - Because I’m secretly a masocist. Robert Blake - That man rambles and is so clearly crazy it would have to be entertaining. Joe Lieberman - I have bouts of insomia and need something reliably dull to put me to sleep. Bernie Mac - Now THAT could be legitimately entertaining. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/45 "2004-04-18T22:43:31Z")
> [@Arden Ranger](#): > > **Tiramisu** , have you heard him sing Hit Me Baby One More Time? He even makes that sound sexy. Yeah. I have a clip of him singing that saved on my computer and another of him singing Beyond The Sea _drool_. I am such a geeky fangirl that I went out and bought the ROTK soundtrack, copied the track with him singing to my computer and edited out the long instrumental intro so I can have just him singing. Er … and now back to the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/46 "2004-04-18T23:31:43Z")
I have some type of psychological problem – I am always answering these things in the negative: Pauly Shore Carrot Top Fran Drescher ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/47 "2004-04-19T00:39:12Z")
Sean Connery Ella Fitzgerald done ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/48 "2004-04-19T00:43:40Z")
Keanu Reeves. Reading the entire phonebook would prevent him from making any more movies for _at least_ the next ten years. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Who](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Doctor\_Who](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Who)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/49 "2004-04-19T00:46:48Z")
I would have to say **Hank Azaria**. If only to hear him finish and say “Worst. Phonebook. Ever.” - Peter Wiggen ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/50 "2004-04-19T01:38:26Z")
Men - Isaac Hayes Sean Connery Martin Sheen Women: Allison Janney Majel Barret OK my women are odd choices, I suppose, but maybe it’s just the pleasant distinctness of their voices… ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/51 "2004-04-19T01:56:34Z")
Actors with interesting voices: Greg Wise Stockard Channing Sting (hey, he acted once!) Tommy Lee Jones ---
**Author:** ![Riqay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a8b319/32.png) [@Riqay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riqay)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/52 "2004-04-19T02:42:42Z")
Male: Morgan Freeman (as he narrated _Shawshank_) Derek Jacobi (thinking of his role as The Chorus from _Henry V_) Female: Brooke Langton Michelle Pfeiffer Nicolette Sheridan Nastassia Kinski In memoriam: Paul Winfield – his narration for _City Confidential_ gave the show incredible personality. ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/53 "2004-04-19T13:09:08Z")
Hard to believe no-one has said Tina Turner yet. There’s a speaking voice that will keep you awake. Somebody already took my other choice, Eartha Kitt. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Clanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@Small\_Clanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Clanger)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/54 "2004-04-19T13:19:47Z")
I’m not sure what **Boyo** was saying. I _am_ voting for Fran Dresher …what? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/55 "2004-04-19T13:28:42Z")
Nancy Cartwright alternating as Bart, Nelson Muntz, Todd Flanders, Ralph Wiggum ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/56 "2004-04-19T13:48:40Z")
I’ll have to agree with the popular choices of: **James Earl Jones Sean Connery** 2nd the nomination of **Clancy Brown** 1st nomination for Andie MacDowell ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/57 "2004-04-19T14:15:11Z")
Jim Dale, from the readings of all the Harry Potter audios. He is fabulous. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/58 "2004-04-19T14:59:45Z")
Lots of good ones here, many of which I’d second. But my first choice would be Tom Baker. For women, I think I’d choose Dixie Carter. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/59 "2004-04-19T16:07:44Z")
> [@Granuaile](#): > > I second Jeremy Irons. I bought the audiobook of Lolita just to hear his narration. That _voice_, like wood smoke laced with whiskey, rumbling throught the headphones…Jesus. Heh, I listened to it a week after I saw _Lion King_. It was very difficult to get past the image of Uncle Scar shagging a teenie… ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620/60 "2004-04-19T18:09:44Z")
William Shatner Christopher Walken Snoop Dogg Samuel L. Jackson Quentin Tarantino Catherine Zeta-Jones Sarah Nixey (from the band Black Box Recorder) Beth Gibbons (from the band Portishead) Alan Rickman Steve Buscemi Bruce Campbell Kiefer Sutherland Bono The guy who narrates all those movie trailers (“In a world where nothing is as it seems…”) and… Li’l Jon! **HHHWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTT?!** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actor-would-you-pay-to-read-the-phone-book/240620.md?page=4)