# What actually soothes 'roids? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 21, 2002, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884 "2002-08-21T07:48:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/1 "2002-08-21T07:48:02Z")
Tucks claim to soothe, but they soothe the way an acid covered piece of steel wool on fire soothes. I need to send the husband-unit to the drugstore in the morning for something, or I’m going to just take a chainsaw and cut my whole ass off. Anyone have a suggestion for something that ACTUALLY WORKS? [for the purpose of this post, the word “WORKS” means “makes it stop hurting”] ---
**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/2 "2002-08-21T08:08:08Z")
Well cutting your ass off will at least provide a distraction of sorts. If I get a sore throat, I gargle with aspirin suspension. Maybe you could try…OMG…:eek: ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/3 "2002-08-21T11:38:52Z")
Aside from a nice short cold bath and cleaning? I use the creams (i.e. Nupercaine currently), which don’t work instantly, but a few minutes later you realize you aren’t in such pain anymore. I refuse to subject myself to the humiliation of buying anything named something like “Anusol” (I am not making this up) so my choice often depends on an innocuous product name, you know? I don’t want some clerk internally snickering, “Heh. . . ‘Anusol’. . .” ---
**Author:** ![Theobroma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@Theobroma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Theobroma)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/4 "2002-08-21T11:44:13Z")
Best stuff ever: Desitin ointment. Yes, the stuff that makes the babies stop crying. I also used Prep H suppositories (they work better than the ointment) when I was pregnant. Brand name only–accept no substitutes! The Desitin, too. Off-brands are not as effective. Use both at once if you need to. good luck! ---
**Author:** ![tarragon918](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d26b3c/32.png) [@tarragon918](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tarragon918)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/5 "2002-08-21T12:29:38Z")
The main active ingredient in commerical products is, believe it or not, witchhazel. If you happen to have some (it’s a good topical antiseptic as well), you can try dabbing it on; it will soothe some, at least. I’ve tried it; never tried the desitin ointment, but that sounds plausible to me. 🙂 Hope this helps ~~tarragon~~ ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/6 "2002-08-21T13:45:19Z")
Forget the pads - regular ordinary diaper wipes work really well for this purpose. Prep H gel works well for me. YMMV, though. Mrs. Moto likes the old fashioned Prep H better. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/7 "2002-08-21T13:46:35Z")
Prep H. But plain old Vasaline, in a pinch, if you can’t get anything else. ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/8 "2002-08-21T15:17:20Z")
According to [Mikie ENT Today](http://www.ent-today.com/9-28/news-of-the-weird.htm) > [@](#): > > A serious article in a recent issue of the British Dental Journal warned people of the dangers involved in using foreign objects for relief of hemorrhoids, pointing to the experience of one patient who said he used a toothbrush for that purpose but inserted it too far and had to have it removed at a hospital by biopsy forceps. They actually have a whole lot of things to soothe hemmorhoids. 🙂 However, I would suggest something along the line of Preparation H since as you can see above a toothbrush just won’t cut it. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/9 "2002-08-21T22:53:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tarragon918 \* > \*\*The main active ingredient in commerical products is, believe it or not, witchhazel. If you happen to have some (it’s a good topical antiseptic as well), you can try dabbing it on; it will soothe some, at least. I’ve tried it; never tried the desitin ointment, but that sounds plausible to me. 🙂 > > Hope this helps > > ~~tarragon~~ \*\* Yeah I have generic witchazel pads, not name brand Tucks. It stings though. Badly. I was thinking of getting Anusol, but didn’t know if it worked well or not. Desitin, eh? I might try that as well… ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/10 "2002-08-21T23:16:33Z")
Try chilling the witchhazel as well, if you haven’t already. Like just above frozen. Worked for me, YMMV, of course. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/11 "2002-08-21T23:30:51Z")
I’ll second the Desitin. Takes away the sting and because it is absorbed through the skin, no butt cheeks slip sliding while you walk. Another trick I use involves a cheap latex glove. Put enough water in the four fingers to fill and hang inside the freezer. When the pain and itch becomes unbearable, grab an iced finger and some reading material and head to the rest room. Insert the finger, have a seat, and wait the 5 to 10 minutes for it to melt. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/12 "2002-08-22T00:16:44Z")
You don’t even want to know how I found this out (hint: it was dark): Crest toothpaste with floride. It burns a little at first but trust me, it is better than anything else. I used to be bothered by hemoroids somewhat regularly, and I tried everything on the market and even some stuff I needed a prescription for, but nothing worked. This really works. I am now open for the roughly 12,000 jokes that will bombard me. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/13 "2002-08-22T00:48:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TV time \* > \*\*You don’t even want to know how I found this out (hint: it was dark): Crest toothpaste with floride. It burns a little at first but trust me, it is better than anything else. > > I used to be bothered by hemoroids somewhat regularly, and I tried everything on the market and even some stuff I needed a prescription for, but nothing worked. This really works. > > I am now open for the roughly 12,000 jokes that will bombard me. \*\* You and SPOOFE…a marketer’s dream team. ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/14 "2002-08-22T01:36:50Z")
These are not the 'roids you’re looking for. These are not the 'roids we’re looking for. Move along. Move along. But seriously folks, Prep H worked for me, but I don’t think I had it real bad. ---
**Author:** ![jujuju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@jujuju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jujuju)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/15 "2002-08-22T04:58:38Z")
tucks worked for me after 1st kid. just put the pad on and left it there for 1/2 an hour or so (does feel better when cool). plus, on the package, they claim to be good for vaginal uses as well. slight hijack: what’s YMMV? oh, and the frozen glove finger thing? freezer pops are good for, wait, no, maybe i should save that for a different thread… ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/16 "2002-08-26T01:24:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by capybara \* > \*\*Aside from a nice short cold bath and cleaning? I use the creams (i.e. Nupercaine currently), which don’t work instantly, but a few minutes later you realize you aren’t in such pain anymore. I refuse to subject myself to the humiliation of buying anything named something like “Anusol” (I am not making this up) so my choice often depends on an innocuous product name, you know? I don’t want some clerk internally snickering, “Heh. . . ‘Anusol’. . .” \*\* Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me! Anusol is what my doctor recommended, and it works for me! Desitin did nothing except clog me up. And the clerks at my local drugstore do not snicker. At least not to one’s face. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/17 "2002-08-26T01:38:05Z")
Solarcaine. Also useful for the occasional flame out due to overindulgence in hot and spicey food. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/18 "2002-08-26T01:43:11Z")
YMMV = your mileage may vary Sort of like: What worked for me may or may not work for you. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/19 "2002-08-26T02:09:40Z")
FWIW, if I’m really diligent about keeping hydrated, the problem never arises, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884/20 "2002-08-26T06:19:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Theobroma \* > \*\*Best stuff ever: Desitin ointment. Yes, the stuff that makes the babies stop crying. I also used Prep H suppositories (they work better than the ointment) when I was pregnant. Brand name only–accept no substitutes! The Desitin, too. Off-brands are not as effective. Use both at once if you need to. > > good luck! \*\* I’ve had very, very good results with A&D ointment, even if I DO smell faintly of codliver oil afterwards. While it doesn’t work instantaneously, it does offer me relief within a few minutes. I’ve found that it’s best to apply it after every movement, whether I feel the 'roids acting up or not. I clean up as usual, then I take a couple of squares of clean, fresh TP, fold them up, and put about 3/4 of an inch of the ointment on it. Then I apply with the toilet paper. This might not work for EVERYONE, but it works very well for me. Keeping regular is a must. So is staying well hydrated. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-actually-soothes-roids/124884.md?page=2)