# What adult willingly engages in conversation with unrelated young kids...? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 28, 2016, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300 "2016-11-28T18:07:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/81 "2016-12-01T14:20:59Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Why wouldn’t you? Don’t you think you should find out why an unattended child is at the store or whatever? Are you afraid you won’t be able to resist molesting them? There was a very young boy in the aisle of the local grocery, totally alone and obviously distressed. Nobody was doing anything but looking at him. I walked and asked “Are you all alone here?” He said “I lost my grandma,” and I said “Let me take you to a place where they can help you.” He agreed, so I took his hand and took him to the courtesy counter, where they paged grandma, she came running over and thanks me profusly. Happy ending. How anyone could ignore a child in distress is beyond me. ---
**Author:** ![adaher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@adaher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adaher)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/82 "2016-12-01T14:23:36Z")
I agree. On the other hand, some adults see a child not obviously in distress, but alone, and assumes that they should get the cops. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/83 "2016-12-01T14:32:25Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > And “Where is your mom or dad?” to keep them safe is not chatting in the context of these threads, at least to me. Yeah, until some overly fearful person overhears you and calls the cops because they think you are “grooming” the kid, or trying to find out if they are alone so you can abduct them :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/84 "2016-12-01T14:36:19Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > As pointed out, some predators use grooming or wait for opportunities. I don’t think anyone would abduct a kid in an obvious situation like that (although it has happened) but he could be setting it up so if he sees the kid alone later he can say “Hey come inside for some ice cream.” yeah, he COULD be doing a lot of things. Focusing on the worst possible thing you can imagine and calling the cops is paranoia. Plus, “come inside” where? They are in a public park. And as mentioned in this thread and the other, would you call the cops on an uncle of the kid for asking if the kid “wanted to come home and get some ice cream”? Seems like that is the more likely scenario for a kid to get molested. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/85 "2016-12-01T14:39:49Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > There was a very young boy in the aisle of the local grocery, totally alone and obviously distressed. Nobody was doing anything but looking at him. I walked and asked “Are you all alone here?” He said “I lost my grandma,” and I said “Let me take you to a place where they can help you.” He agreed, so I took his hand and took him to the courtesy counter, where they paged grandma, she came running over and thanks me profusly. Happy ending. > > How anyone could ignore a child in distress is beyond me. Yes, I’ve done the same thing. I’ve even _gasp_ talked to kids riding unaccompanied on the metro!! And yes, I’ve gotten the “hairy eyeball” when I’m at the park reading a book on a bench while my kids were off playing. I would be super pissed if someone called the cops. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/86 "2016-12-01T15:22:54Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > Wow! The world has really changed. When I was a young kid adults did this frequently with me. And none of them were pedophiles. And I bet you were a kid before the Child Abuse Panic of the 1980s. That’s when everything changed. I to clearly remember being approached by adults that I didn’t know with chit-chat and random conversation as a child. Since the 1980s though there is a pedophile behind every door, and all adult males are presumed to be child molesters. It’s like the Red Scare of the 50s or the White Slave Panic of the early 1900s. People don’t think, they don’t challenge the “common wisdom”, they just know that an adult talking to a child is weird and should be punished. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/87 "2016-12-01T15:30:46Z")
> [@Pabitel](#): > > all adult males are presumed to be child molesters. I get that it’s easier to argue against what nobody is saying than to address what people are actually saying. In that spirit, I’m disgusted by the opinion so many have expressed in this thread, that parents should drop their five-year-olds off at the park at midnight and not check in on them for a few weeks. How irresponsible! ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/88 "2016-12-01T15:44:07Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > There was a very young boy in the aisle of the local grocery, totally alone and obviously distressed. Nobody was doing anything but looking at him. I walked and asked “Are you all alone here?” He said “I lost my grandma,” and I said “Let me take you to a place where they can help you.” He agreed, so I took his hand and took him to the courtesy counter, where they paged grandma, she came running over and thanks me profusly. Happy ending. > > How anyone could ignore a child in distress is beyond me. Talking is one thing; walking is another. I’d ask an unattended small child if he’s lost. But if I’m in the store by myself, I wouldn’t start walking with him to the front of the store, because the parent might think I’m headed to the exit, and I certainly wouldn’t take the child’s hand. I’ll stay with the child and flag down a store employee or ask another shopper to do so, and I’d probably ask another shopper to stay with us, too, particularly a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/89 "2016-12-01T20:05:37Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I get that it’s easier to argue against what nobody is saying than to address what people are actually saying.! Don’t pull quotes out of context. I was clearly stating the prevailing attitude that gripped the country as a result of the 1980s panic and not describing any poster’s views. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/90 "2016-12-01T21:21:54Z")
> [@Pabitel](#): > > Don’t pull quotes out of context. I was clearly stating the prevailing attitude that gripped the country as a result of the 1980s panic and not describing any poster’s views. Your description of those attitudes is ridiculous and inaccurate. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/91 "2016-12-02T03:58:02Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > It’s not dysfunctional, though. It’s also not treating all strangers like criminals. It’s keeping an eye out for one’s kids in a way that mitigates risk. If you want to be an irrational helicopter parent, knock yourself out, but just don’t pretend that there is a serious risk involved. There’s no need to rehash the math, but if there is only a 0.03% chance of a child being sexually assulted by a stranger, the odds of that happening in a public park, in front of dozens of witness when a child from a stable household is accompanied by a parent, and that child only plays at the park under parental supervision, then the odds of sexual assault are so miniscule you might as well worry about them having a heart attack, falling down and injuring your precious snowflake. We get that you are a helicopter parent. Most new parents are. Some grow out of it. Many done. Fine. Whatever. Just don’t pretend that you are saving them from real risk. > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > The irony here is that folks who watch out for their children are being accused of overreactions, but almost all those accusations are tremendous overreactions themselves. > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > In that spirit, I’m disgusted by the opinion so many have expressed in this thread, that parents should drop their five-year-olds off at the park at midnight and not check in on them for a few weeks. How irresponsible! Are you really in a place to complain about hyperbole? > [@DrCube](#): > > If it were really just a dispassionate assessment of risk, you wouldn’t be letting your children speak to their uncles or fathers either. But uncles and fathers aren’t “scary strangers”, so you don’t go that far. Despite the fact that the vast majority of sex crimes against children are committed by people they know and trust. Like Dad, or Coach. > > But when you connect those dots, you realize that society can’t function like that. Parents and coaches, almost by definition, _have_ to be allowed to speak to their kids. But you don’t take the final step and conclude that treating _strangers_ like criminals is just as dysfunctional. This. Although I suspect that projection is the major point. **Left** is paranoid that being seen talking to unknown children would be taken as something horrible, so he’s assuming that those who don’t share his assessment must be dangerous, even if statistics don’t follow. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/92 "2016-12-02T11:44:26Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > If you want to be an irrational helicopter parent, knock yourself out, > … > your precious snowflake. > … > We get that you are a helicopter parent. You are being insulting and obnoxious, and nothing you say is in the same universe as accuracy, and we’re done with this conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/93 "2016-12-02T14:31:08Z")
I’ll talk to kids. Why wouldn’t I want to? I have kids, I like kids. Kids are fun. I don’t want to _exclusively_ talk to kids, of course, but I’d guess that most people who get into kid-related professions also like to talk to kids. At least I hope so. It’s good for the kids to get to speak with someone and share whatever thoughts they’re having (from “I’m a dinosaur” to “We’re here on vacation and I like it here but I like home more”) and engage in the sort of behavior that makes us a society. It’s good for me to stretch my conversation with the randomness of children versus the measured politeness of adults. Everyone wins. Man, I get the (sad) reasons why people might not want their kids randomly talking to _me_ but who would have guessed that something is supposedly wrong with me for being open to a few minutes of conversation with a kid? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/94 "2016-12-02T15:12:58Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > I’ll talk to kids. Why wouldn’t I want to? I have kids, I like kids. Kids are fun. I don’t want to _exclusively_ talk to kids, of course, but I’d guess that most people who get into kid-related professions also like to talk to kids. At least I hope so. It’s good for the kids to get to speak with someone and share whatever thoughts they’re having (from “I’m a dinosaur” to “We’re here on vacation and I like it here but I like home more”) and engage in the sort of behavior that makes us a society. It’s good for me to stretch my conversation with the randomness of children versus the measured politeness of adults. Everyone wins. > > Man, I get the (sad) reasons why people might not want their kids randomly talking to _me_ but who would have guessed that something is supposedly wrong with me for being open to a few minutes of conversation with a kid? Nothing’s wrong with you for that. If you went to a park alone to approach kids away from their parents and strike up conversations with them, that might be a sign something was wrong. Do you see the difference? That’s the kind of behavior that parents watch out for. When something looks like that, it might be suspicious. There’s nothing suspicious about someone sitting on a park bench reading, or watching their kid, or eating a sandwich, and saying to a kid, “Awesome dino shirt!” as he runs by, or talking to the kid who sits down next to him. Do you see the difference? ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/95 "2016-12-02T15:20:18Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Nothing’s wrong with you for that. If you went to a park alone to approach kids away from their parents and strike up conversations with them, that might be a sign something was wrong. > > Do you see the difference? The question posed in the OP was: _What adult willingly engages in conversation with unrelated young kids that they are not in direct responsibility over (teacher, babysitter, etc)?_ …not “what adult goes to parks alone to approach kids”. I was answering the question in the OP, not what you want the question to be. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/96 "2016-12-02T15:29:47Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > There was a very young boy in the aisle of the local grocery, totally alone and obviously distressed. Nobody was doing anything but looking at him. I walked and asked “Are you all alone here?” He said “I lost my grandma,” and I said “Let me take you to a place where they can help you.” He agreed, so I took his hand and took him to the courtesy counter, where they paged grandma, she came running over and thanks me profusly. Happy ending. > > How anyone could ignore a child in distress is beyond me. I had pretty much the exact same thing happen to me about fifteen years ago. The kid was about five, came up to me, said “I’m lost”. I replied, “Well, if you’re lost, you need to go to someone who works in the store. See the service desk up there? Let’s walk up there and ask the lady to page your mom.” We strolled up there and asked her for assistance. We asked the little boy for his mom’s name, but just as the clerk was about to call out the name on the intercom, the mother, looking a bit distressed, arrived. The little guy sure was happy to see her! The mother thanked us both. Another happy conclusion! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/97 "2016-12-02T15:48:05Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > The question posed in the OP was: > _What adult willingly engages in conversation with unrelated young kids that they are not in direct responsibility over (teacher, babysitter, etc)?_ > > …not “what adult goes to parks alone to approach kids”. I was answering the question in the OP, not what you want the question to be. I think what I expressed is what Waxwinged intended, given the thread’s origin. If you’ve not read the thread, that might explain the confusion. Zero people have objected to the behavior you describe, so feeling sad about it is weird :). ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/98 "2016-12-02T15:52:42Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Zero people have objected to the behavior you describe, so feeling sad about it is weird :). I never said I felt sad about it. I said I understood the (sad) reasons why parents don’t let their kids talk to adults: because they’re gripped by the paranoia that every strange male adult is Chester Molester out to spirit their children away in a panel van. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/99 "2016-12-02T16:13:50Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > I never said I felt sad about it. I said I understood the (sad) reasons why parents don’t let their kids talk to adults: because they’re gripped by the paranoia that every strange male adult is Chester Molester out to spirit their children away in a panel van. Except nobody here has expressed those reasons, and I think virtually no adults have those reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300/100 "2016-12-02T19:07:33Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Your description of those attitudes is ridiculous and inaccurate. Then complain about that, don’t accuse me of misrepresenting other posters. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-adult-willingly-engages-in-conversation-with-unrelated-young-kids/773300.md?page=4)