# What age for your obit photo? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 6, 2018, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076 "2018-11-06T15:21:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/21 "2018-11-08T07:27:34Z")
One of my closest friends died at 32 and his family picked a picture of him around 16/17. It is no coincidence they picked a picture before he came out as gay around 18. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/22 "2018-11-08T09:34:48Z")
A clawed hand reaching toward you. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/23 "2018-11-08T13:09:28Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Why assume that those reading the obit won’t have known the decedent\* in his/her prime? > > … Several reasons: People older than the decedent “in their prime” would likely have predeceased them; Younger folk, such as grandkids, would not have been born yet; In the 50+ years, the decedent may have moved away from where they lived in their prime, or if not, others who knew them then may have moved. So an obit in a local paper might be most likely to reach folk who knew the decedent in the area of their most recent home. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/24 "2018-11-08T13:39:23Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > People older than the decedent “in their prime” would likely have predeceased them I think it’s a bit of a leap to assume that all of the deceased’s contemporaries would have died off before him/her, and thus would not be around to enjoy a nostalgic photo of them before they entered old age/physical decline. Also consider that the obit photo may very well have been selected by children who would prefer to remember Dad or Mom as they looked before their bout with chronic, fatal illness. In any case, I don’t get the people who are offended by seeing an obit photo of the person in their service uniform or in vigorous middle age. Let the family do what they want. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/25 "2018-11-08T13:47:25Z")
They can choose any age they want, but they’ll have to run it by me first. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/26 "2018-11-08T15:09:51Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I pick 65. Old enough to look “old”, but in better shape than towards the end. The way my friends will likely remember me. > > (My mental image of my friends is typically a few years out of date.) I replied before the poll was up, fwiw. > [@Jackmannii](#): > > I think it’s a bit of a leap to assume that all of the deceased’s contemporaries would have died off before him/her, and thus would not be around to enjoy a nostalgic photo of them before they entered old age/physical decline… This. I don’t think the “looks really old and sick, is about to die” photo is appropriate. I was never famous, so a reasonably contemporary photo will be good. But I think it’s appropriate for famous people’s photos to portray them as they were when they were most famous. And hey, if other people want younger photos of their relatives, however they remember mom is fine with me. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/27 "2018-11-08T15:47:46Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > One of my closest friends died at 32 and his family picked a picture of him around 16/17. It is no coincidence they picked a picture before he came out as gay around 18. Is that because they believe he wasn’t gay then? ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/28 "2018-11-08T16:59:21Z")
My mom very recently passed away. We chose a photo that we felt captured her beauty and personality - a wedding photo from about 15 years ago. It also would be familiar to those that knew her now as well as those that knew her decades ago. [Mom’s Obit](https://passages.winnipegfreepress.com/passage-details/id-259433/CAIRNS-MITTON_TRISH) ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/29 "2018-11-08T17:07:45Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > I think it’s a bit of a leap to assume that all of the deceased’s contemporaries would have died off before him/her, and thus would not be around to enjoy a nostalgic photo of them before they entered old age/physical decline. > … > > In any case, I don’t get the people who are offended by seeing an obit photo of the person in their service uniform or in vigorous middle age. Let the family do what they want. I dunno, If I am in my prime in my 20-30s, and live to my 80s, it is a pretty good bet that just about everyone who was 10-20 years older than me back then will be dead before me. Bit of a nitpick, but I did say “people older … would likely have predeceased…” - not “all of the deceased contemporaries.” And as long as we are discussing leaps, I initially expressed my impression that it was “odd”, rather than expressing any “offense.” Tending pedantic, and partly a result of my profession (judge) in which lawyers often rephrase matters in an attempt to avoid answering, or to mislead or outright lie. But I generally disfavor when someone rephrases the actual words used for no clear beneficial purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/30 "2018-11-08T17:24:44Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Tending pedantic, and partly a result of my profession (judge) in which lawyers often rephrase matters in an attempt to avoid answering, or to mislead or outright lie. But I generally disfavor when someone rephrases the actual words used for no clear beneficial purpose. Actually I did not attribute particular wording to you (there’s benefit in pointing out that one’s surviving contemporaries might like to see a photo of the deceased in his/her prime), nor did I single you out as being “offended” at the idea of someone’s obit photo not showing them about to kick off. So, objection overruled. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/31 "2018-11-08T17:37:03Z")
I’m sure there are sometimes good reasons to make an exception, but I’m mostly in the “fairly recent is better” camp. One exception that COULD be made is when the decedent [word of the day :)] has had a long illness that’s been seriously affecting their appearance for some time. Do you go with the recent picture, or the other one? (I don’t think there’s an ideal solution, or even a correct answer in the absolute sense.) ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/32 "2018-11-08T18:56:31Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Is that because they believe he wasn’t gay then? Knowing his family, who refused to respond to my two page sympathy letter, yes. I’m sure they believe he caught ‘the gay’ around 18. ---
**Author:** ![Ashtura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ashtura/32/2963_2.png) [@Ashtura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtura)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2018, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/33 "2018-11-08T18:59:29Z")
I’d want the last picture in which I appeared healthy. Given that I lived to 80, I’d imagine that somewhere after 65 I still appeared healthy. I view a young picture as fishing for extra sympathy, as young deaths seem more tragic than octogenarians. Or more vain. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2018, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/34 "2018-11-09T14:21:53Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > They can choose any age they want, but they’ll have to run it by me first. You should be very easy to run by at that point, being stiff and all. Hell, a brisk walk should do it. ---
**Author:** ![Cees-R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9a140/32.png) [@Cees-R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cees-R)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2018, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076/35 "2018-11-10T19:17:29Z")
I’m too young to imagine what my life would be like in 59 years. Would probably say under 30 right now because that’s the only life I have lived so far. Someone, please ask me this question again in 20 years to see if I changed my mind yet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-age-for-your-obit-photo/824076.md?page=1)