What are American audiences thinking?

[Netbrian]

I believe the answer to your question is, put concisely, they aren’t.

[Wumpus]

It’s January. January is when the studios release all their bottom-of-the-barrel movies. Why? Because all the good movies were released in December, both to cash in on the Xmas holiday and to qualify for the Oscars.

It’s all part of the Hollywood circle of life, Kimba.

[asterion]

*Originally posted by vibrotronica *
**There was a great piece on NPR about the disingenous marketing campaign that went into making Kangaroo Jack the #1 movie. It was concieved and filmed as the usual Jerry Bruckheimer shoot 'em up schlock, but when they put it in front of some test audiences they hated it. The only positive reactions were from the kids, who thought the kagaroo was cute. So Jerry Fuckheimer decided to make the kangaroo talk (which it does in only one scene, filmed after the completion of the rest of the movie) and marketed it with commercials during cartoons and kids programs so the kids would drag their parents to the movies. Now a whole lot of parents are pissed off because a) the movie sucked so much and b) it’s not a kid’s movie. There’s apparently lots of violence and wet t-shirts, etc. If you see Bruckheimer’s name attached to ANYTHING, ever, flee.

In other words–for the love of all that is holy, don’t go see Pirates of the Carribean! **

I saw something similar, but it was on the LA Times website. Snow Dogs apparently did the same thing, minus the wet t-shirts, which would be awfully cold that far north. Then again…

[ratty]

*Originally posted by Super Gnat *
**But… but…

Orlando Bloom is in it! **

[hijack]
I know. And this is scaring me. I may have to watch this movie just to see him. (To be fair, I also find Mr. Depp to be quite smoking in his own right.)

But I’m still scared. Wanna know why? It’s a secret, so you gotta promise not to tell anybody…Orlando Bloom is really not a very good actor. Really. Between both LotR movies, he has, what, maybe 20 lines total, half of them not even in English. He basically just runs around a lot looking cute in his little elf outfit. The only thing this poor kid has going for him is the fact that he’s got the body of a young god and the face of a Botticelli angel. Wait twenty years and he’ll be making guest appearances on “Hollywood Squares” and fighting to the death for the crazy abusive ex-husband role on the Lifetime Movie of the Week.

I mean, did you see Blackhawk Down? Yikes.
[/hijack]

[SLASH]

Sometimes people just want an escape, hence movies like “Just Married.”

[Silentgoldfish]

*Originally posted by ratty *
**[hijack]
I mean, did you see Blackhawk Down? Yikes.
[/hijack] **

What, where he acts an idealistic 18 year old with 10 lines who get’s incapacitated in the first act?

[Kilt-wearin_man]

American audiences mostly think: “My God, what is this crap?”

[Bindrah]

ok…some movies suck, i wouldnt see any of those if i was given free tix…any way…i’ve seen catch me if you can, 25th hour, about schmidt and am looking forward to the pianist, confessions of a dangerous… and a few more…
bottom line, some people just like dumbass movies…can we fault them? who knows… i just do not like getting lumped into a generic american public package…i’m not just a package, nor a label…my interests vary…so there darn it…

[whiterabbit]

They DON’T think.

Duh.

I don’t think Orlando Bloom is all that attractive as himself, but as Legolas…whew, what a hottie!

[js_africanus]

*Originally posted by Suspenderzzz *
**95% of the American public are lunkheads. The other 5% work in Hollywood and know this. **

No offense, but have you actually seen an American movie? Even the ones that are supposed to be smart are anything but. If there is a reason why Hollywood can hit the lunkhead market, then it’s because they can smell their own.

[jayjay]

Kangaroo Jack and the Evil Tooth Fairies…now that’s a band name!

[Equipoise]

*Originally posted by Cisco *
**If it makes you feel better all these movies have terrible ratings at the IMDB, so people don’t actually like them, there’s just nothing else to watch right now. **

That is so not true. Well, depending on where a person lives. Here’s a cut’n’paste from some 'burb theaters. I’m bolding the movies that I would highly recommend. I think I have eclectic tastes and think it’s natural to want to see The Pianist as much as Chicago, or watch Solaris and The Two Towers on the same day and thoroughly enjoy both.

Arlington
53 S. Evergreen, Arlington Heights
847-483-0123

About Schmidt
Catch Me if You Can
Chicago
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Kangaroo Jack (cable, maybe, if I have good drugs in the house)
The Hours
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Buffalo Grove
120 McHenry Rd, Buffalo Grove
847-604-1393

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (it’s slight, but fun)
Santa Clause 2 (haven’t seen it)
Solaris (it IS a good movie, naysayers be damned)
Sweet Home Alabama (saw it, but could have waited for cable)
The Ring (not great, but pretty decent)
Treasure Planet (haven’t seen it)
Catlow
116 W. Main, Barrington
847-381-0777

Far From Heaven
Century 12 and CineArts 6
1715 Maple, Evanston
847-492-0123

25th Hour
A Guy Thing (no frickin way will I see this)
About Schmidt
Antwone Fisher
Catch Me if You Can
Chicago
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Darkness Falls (haven’t seen it, probably won’t)
Gangs of New York
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (Ga the previews looks horrendous! {{{{{shudder}}}})
Just Married (ditto!)
Kangaroo Jack
Max (haven’t seen it, but I’m going tomorrow)
Narc (haven’t seen it, but I want to)
The Hours
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Pianist (this is one of the year’s best films)

People who are lucky enough to live in places where there are good theaters have a wide choice of excellent films to see. Those not so fortunate have my condolences.

[Orual]

*Originally posted by Super Gnat *
**But… but…

Orlando Bloom is in it! **

Nonono… It’s Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp. Dressed up like pirates. Pirates!