# What are boys told about dating/girls/sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2009, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399 "2009-02-04T11:06:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/41 "2009-02-05T12:57:35Z")
Nothing. But, then again, I had read Kinsey and Hite Reports by age ten, and was an avid porn user by age twelve (hugely more difficult back in the late '80’s), so didn’t need any. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/42 "2009-02-05T13:24:39Z")
I remember my dad talking to me about controlling my impulses, about making foolish choices that have long-lasting consequences, actually in a pretty general way that I took as personal criticism. I felt embarrassed to be talking about these things (about which he knew a lot more than I did at the time, which I couldn’t quite acknowledge) and I felt the talk to be intrusive and excruciating. In retrospect, it was good advice and I wish I had gotten through some of my discomfort and had a real talk with him. I’m sure he was trying his hardest, and he did focus on the most important theme of the subject, (“Sex is tempting, and your body craves it, but it’s very dangerous as well”) but I had zero tolerance for that talk with him at any time. I ended up doing most of the stuff he warned me about: unprotected sex, thinking I was in love when I was mostly horny, etc. Teenage embarrassment–will we develop a cure? ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/43 "2009-02-05T14:06:45Z")
My dad told me only this: “If you get a girl pregnant then you are old enough to take care of yourself and them.” Basically, I’m on my own. I have to say that I knew he didn’t mean it that harshly, just wanted to impress the point on my young mind. I did find my mom’s copy of “Everything you ever wanted to know about sex\*”. Lot’s of good info for a 12 year old. My wife and I have had a few talks with my son at various points in his life. He doesn’t like being told anything, so sex advice was not always welcome … but we did it. 1. Young men know what “being a gentleman” means and I think most of them strive to be that way, even if they don’t always know how. All teenaged boys are not sex-crazed rape monsters. Maybe its’ because I only had boys but it’s the girls that are extremely aggressive these days. We have had a number of talks about avoiding compromising situations with girls, how to fend off the pushy ones, and how to say “no” so that they won’t be upset. The girls are the only ones who can get pregnant but the boys are the ones who can go to jail. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/44 "2009-02-05T14:19:47Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Then, we had a pregnancy scare. There aren’t enough :eek:'s in the world, let me tell ya. Word. > [@shiftless](#): > > I did find my mom’s copy of “Everything you ever wanted to know about sex\*”. Lot’s of good info for a 12 year old. Another word. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/45 "2009-02-05T14:39:14Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > **WhyNot** : :eek: :eek: :eek: Crimeny, I don’t even know the consistency of my discharge! Oh, I know! But given this (which I agree with 100%): > [@kunilou](#): > > Yup, and again I have to give credit to my wife, who bluntly told them “If she gets pregnant, it will be totally her decision whether she wants to have the baby, give it up or get an abortion. And if she decides to have the baby, you will be responsible for child support for at least the next 18 years, whether you wanted her to have the baby or not. And your father and I will make sure you pay that child support whether you want to or not because YOU’RE THE FATHER and it’s your responsibility. Do I make myself clear?” …in some ways I think it MORE important that a self-respecting \*guy \*knows the easiest fertile sign there is to check! A pro-choice girl can always choose to get an abortion if she’s fertile, has sex and gets pregnant. A pro-choice boy doesn’t have that same luxury. Since \*most \*women don’t even know when they’re fertile, and condoms have a contraceptive failure rate almost equal to withdrawal, it’s not a matter of trusting or not trusting - it’s a matter of gathering his own information to make a decision that could impact him greatly. Plus, of course, his gathering that information gets the girl at least a little foreplay. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/46 "2009-02-05T14:49:58Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > The subject did not exist in my house. > Well, apart from the constant disparagement of men from my mom. So the only thing I really learned from my parents about sex is that any man who even thinks momentarily about having sex with a woman is the lowest form of scum in the universe. I can’t just let that slide by. Sorry dude, that sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/47 "2009-02-05T15:10:33Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > and condoms have a contraceptive failure rate almost equal to withdrawal Do you have a cite for this as I find that hard to believe. Whilst I’m not having sex with women, I’ve never had an encounter with someone where the condom failed (either slipped off, got lost or broke), so I don’t know how they can’t be less reliable than a method that doesn’t involve condoms at all. > [@wikipedia](#): > > The effectiveness of condoms, as of most forms of contraception, can be assessed two ways. Perfect use or method effectiveness rates only include people who use condoms properly and consistently. Actual use, or typical use effectiveness rates are of all condom users, including those who use condoms improperly, inconsistently, or both. [snip] > > The typical use pregnancy rate among condom users varies depending on the population being studied, ranging from 10–18% per year. The perfect use pregnancy rate of condoms is 2% per year. Compare that to withdrawal. [QUOTE=wikipedia] Observed failure rates of withdrawal vary depending on the population being studied: studies have found actual failure rates of 15-28% per year [/QUOTE] So actual failure of 15-28% using withdrawal compared to 2% failure in perfect use of condoms doesn’t seem that close to me. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/48 "2009-02-05T15:21:27Z")
My dad pulled me aside for “the talk” about a week after we had covered the mechanics of it in Health class. His talk came with a little more detail (the appearance and consistency of semen, for instance), but covered no new ground. There was no more discussion on the topic until the night before I went away to college. Dad came into my room and basically told me there will be temptations while I’m there (‘will be’? what do you think I’ve been doing for the last 3 years?), but take it easy on the booze and the last thing you want at this point in your life is to have to support a child, so don’t allow that to happen. Then a wink and a playful punch on the shoulder, and he sent me on my way to conquer the world. He didn’t say don’t have sex, and he didn’t say use a condom, he just said don’t become a daddy until you’re financially able and you’re ready to take that step. It’s a little surprising, actually. My parents are both very devout and we were raised in a fairly strict Catholic household, but actions speak louder than words, and they made no secret of the fact that they enjoyed their drinks and sins of the flesh. I don’t have boys, but my wife and I plan to be practical with our advice to our girls. ETA: No need for them anymore, but I have a 100% lifetime effectiveness average for condom use. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/49 "2009-02-05T15:53:00Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > So actual failure of 15-28% using withdrawal compared to 2% failure in perfect use of condoms doesn’t seem that close to me. WOAH! Stop right there, buddy, you are NOT ALLOWED to compare “perfect use” of one and “actual failure” of the other. Not fair at all. Especially for two methods which are exceptionally prone to user idiocy. Perfect use failure rate of condoms is 2 pregnancies per 100 women in one year. Perfect use failure rate of withdrawal from your cite is 4 pregnancies per 100 women in one year, but most charts I’ve seen list it at 2. Typical use is a bit different, but not \*statistically \*terribly so: 14 pregnancies for couples using male condoms 19 for couples using withdrawal. Women and their partners who use nothing at all can expect 85 pregnancies (all numbers per 100 women in one year of use). I leave you to draw your own standard deviation charts, 'cause my Statistics class was 15 years ago and I’ve forgotten how. [Contraceptive failure rates.](http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/birthcontrolfailure.html) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/50 "2009-02-05T15:58:51Z")
On second thought, since we’re discussing teens, these numbers are probably better. [This chart](http://www.contraceptivetechnology.org/table.html) shows typical and perfect use failure rates for people using that method for their first year. As expected, the typical use failure rates are higher, possibly because people new to a method make more mistakes (or people new to sex aren’t as conscientious about using contraception every time and are present in these stats at a higher rate than the gen pop.) Among this population, condom rate is at 15 and withdrawal at 27. Nothing at all is still at 85, but I question how that number was arrived at; it’s the same theoretical number as general charts, and I would not be surprised if it should be higher for teens. Fertile little buggers. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/51 "2009-02-05T16:04:21Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Darn it; I should have asked how old everyone is. As in, when did these convos happen or not-happen. Thanks to all who responded, though. And wouldn’t it be great if open, honest communication between parents and sons was the norm? Wouldn’t it maybe, possibly, quell some of the extreme paranoia on the part of fathers of daughters? Second this. Because of menstruation, a little talk, however brief and misguided, is almost unavoidable (unless you want her bleeding all over the furniture or calling 9-1-1). It’s sad how many of the guys in this thread never even got that. I can’t imagine easy access to porn is making regular teen confusion any better. And while I know they’re not all sex maniacs, I still think more could be done beyond ‘No means no’ (i.e. 'drunk means no). > [@tim-n-va](#): > > Part of the reading included the “if you have any questions…” A few days late my son mentioned the book and said “you remember when you said I should ask if I have questions…” (Mild panic on my part here wondering what he was going to ask). “Do they make books like that about insects.” We bought him a childen’s guide to insects and he was happy. Too funny. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/52 "2009-02-05T19:56:08Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Do you have a cite for this as I find that hard to believe. Whilst I’m not having sex with women, I’ve never had an encounter with someone where the condom failed (either slipped off, got lost or broke), so I don’t know how they can’t be less reliable than a method that doesn’t involve condoms at all. In my youth, I had at least two failures that I can think of right off, both with Durex Elites designed and used for vaginal intercourse. Broke, which was surprisingly hard to tell at the time - you still have the band around the base of the penis so it feels like there’s still something there. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399/53 "2009-02-06T14:11:06Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > Sorry dude, that sucks. Yeah, it does. But mom is reaping what she’s sown now that she has to face life knowing that she’ll never have grandchildren from _any_ of her kids. I had to give the talk, sort of, to a coworker in our early 20’s. We were stocking up the health care section of the store when he said that he didn’t know what women needed this stuff for anyway. I found out that he had no idea what a period even was. So I just quickly gave him the rundown on the whole monthly cycle. It was frightening that this guy, who had a girlfriend, did know something that to me was basic knowledge. My previously mentioned man-hater mom made sure that I knew every detail. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-boys-told-about-dating-girls-sex/484399.md?page=2)