Heee, thanks for the laugh. No, it’s obvious there’s not a lot I can do. I was just hoping that someone might have a clever unusual solution. The lady is from the lower 48, from a very warm state, and I’ve gotten the impression that she’s not here permanently anyway.
She was too cold to smoke out on the balcony this winter (I think, because she was smoking in the shared garage, thank goodness the association made her quit smoking in there!) , but now that it’s summer, she’s out on the balcony all the damned time. Like I said, hers is directly under mine, so I guess I won’t be using my own balcony much this year. With luck, the economy will improve enough so that I can sell it (my condo, not my balcony :D).
And yes, I sealed the outlets in the bedroom, I guess I’ll do the ones in the living room too, anyone have any idea how to safely (and temporarily) seal up a gas fireplace?
I suspect it’s the mantel around the fireplace that’s leaking fumes from the wall. It’s like the wood surrounding a door frame. It’s used to cover the gap between fireplace and the wall for decorative purposes. There shouldn’t be any leakage between your fire place chimney and hers.
Have you thought of setting up bird feeders on the balcony ledge so they face your condo while they’re eating? I think the gravity of the situation will work in your favor.
Water your plants a lot when she’s smoking. Like so that she’s got water running down splashing her balcony.
Play annoying music on your balcony every time she goes out there to smoke.
Oh, and have loud conversations about how disgusting it smells out there with your friends, when she’s smoking. So she can hear you.
Be loud at night. Vacuum at 3am.
Get a pogo stick or a jump rope for exercise in the kitchen.
Collect dog poop that owners haven’t scooped and relocate it near her balcony so the smell wafts in for her. (It will waft for you too, but you’re already stenched out right?)
Burn microwave popcorn frequently and then place it next to all of your vents in the hopes that the smell will go down to her place.
Buy Dance Dance Revolution (video game) and play it late at night. Above her bedroom.
Sprinkle sugar near her doors and windows in the hopes of attracting an ant problem.
Or birdseed and hope for a pigeon infestation on her balcony.
Constantly knock on her door to ask to borrow things (cup of sugar?).
Talk about feeling unsafe based on rumors you’ve heard about nearby violence or harassment.
Report her for anything you can think of that is legitimate.
Have groups of friends congregate on your balcony while she is out there and engage in loud and highly offensive dialogue.
Is hers the bottom level unit? If so, have drunk friends vomit over your railing.
Fake activity in an annoying cult-like group that has frequent meetings at your place–bi-weekly meetings of a furries support group might be a good place to start!
Does she throw her butts on the ground? Collect them up and deposit them by her front door daily.
Overflow your bathtub so it leaks down into her apartment.
Not saying any of these are good ideas, just trying to give ideas as requested in the OP.
Before trying to sell, you should probably meet with a real estate lawyer and ask about your liability for a property that does not meet building codes (as would be revealed, for example, if there was a fire in the lower unit).
Smoking: you could just get used to the smell. Sure, it’s disgusting, but like anything (open sewers, anyone?) you eventually get to ignore it. It’s not an instant death sentence, either.
Cat: Look up your locality’s “animals at large” laws, or your condo association’s rules. I used to trap the neighbor cats and take them to animal control, and it was perfectly legal for me to do so.
Buy a smoke alarm and put it on your balcony. Once it starts going off all the time while you’re not home and neighbors start to complain and the landlord asks about it say there is nothing you can do, it’s the smoke coming up from downstairs and there is no way in hell you are getting rid of your smoke alarm for safety reasons.
OP: Are you wealthy? You could offer the neighbor some sort of lavish vacation (maybe a cruise?) all expenses paid, the only catch being she has to move after the vacation. Have your solicitor draw up paperwork.
I’m not sure that moving her off the balcony is really in your favor. It seems to me that it’s preferable to have the smoke outside rather than seeping into your home, contaminating the drapes and upholstery.
Owning doesn’t prevent you from moving. It may make it a little tougher but it doesn’t rule it out. Given how this bothers you (and very much appreciating that you aren’t looking to create laws) selling this unit and buying one in an already more smoker restrictive one could be an option. Until some visitor to that complex stands below your window smoking ------- but that’s another problem.
Does the tenant bother anyone else? Would it be possible for you or you and a group of others to purchase that unit? Owning it would give you some control over who lives there and what they do. My cousin had several bad neighbors in a row so he purchased the house and became the landlord. Since then he has had two tenants (one another cousin and another a friend from work) and no issues at all.
LOL! That;s one great typo right there. LAWD KNOWS we got all the lawmakers we need in this world! ! !
I can totally see how moving out would be impossible for a great many homeowners in this economy.
As to the OP, I realize you probably expected a bit of sympathy and light humour. Just try to rememebr, that given current events, it’s a little tough for us to gang up against anyone with the good taste to leave Arizona.
And the OP doesnt even need to SELL his unit. Just rent it out to someone else who doesnt mind living above a smoker and the OP can move/rent at some other place that doesnt have smokers. If the OP dislikes smoke so much he shouldnt have rented to one.
IMO besides a few reasonable requests to the smoker and some possible fixes to the property, most other suggestions here are at best being an asshole and at worst likely to get the OP in trouble.
Since you’re an owner and she’s a tenant, I’d say your first stop is the condo board. They might do nothing, but they might have some power to get her to stop smoking in the unit. Probably not, but it’s worth a shot - if condo boards can micro-manage every detail of the condo living experience, they can use that power for good once in a while.
