# What are our cultural hang-ups? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 16, 2011, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796 "2011-10-16T04:53:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/81 "2011-10-17T16:15:49Z")
> [@Terr](#): > > Not ANYTHING. Highly observant Jews have fairly strict lifestyle rules, but do not in any way disapprove of non-Jews who don’t follow such rules. In fact, would look very much askance at any non-Jews who did follow such rules. Perhaps you have never walked through a highly observant area, say Williamsburg Brooklyn while being a female dressed in clothes that are not modest to their standard. My experience is that you are ignored by ALMOST everyone, but occaisionally glowered at by the men. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/82 "2011-10-17T16:24:51Z")
I’m surprised at all the look-each-other-in-the-eye comments. American men don’t look each other in the eye when they speak. They often speak standing parallel or looking at the floor. If we’re at a restaurant table, we usually look at the table or the other guy’s shirt. In fact, ladies, it’s one of the reasons why it always looks like men are staring at your breasts when you’re speaking. If you’re wearing a low top, then it’s probably to sneak a peak. But otherwise, it’s probably just his natural eye target. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/83 "2011-10-17T16:30:32Z")
> [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](#): > > Wait until everybody has their meal at a restaurant before you start on your own. Usually the whole table starts eating together. Is this universal in Britain? If so, I’ve been committing a huge social faux-pas all my life. It’s always a “tuck in” thing in my experience. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Terr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Terr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terr)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/84 "2011-10-17T16:34:46Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > I’m surprised at all the look-each-other-in-the-eye comments. American men don’t look each other in the eye when they speak. They often speak standing parallel or looking at the floor. If we’re at a restaurant table, we usually look at the table or the other guy’s shirt. > > In fact, ladies, it’s one of the reasons why it always looks like men are staring at your breasts when you’re speaking. If you’re wearing a low top, then it’s probably to sneak a peak. But otherwise, it’s probably just his natural eye target. I don’t know, Chessic. I grew up in a culture (Russia) where you don’t look each other in the eye when talking - it’s considered rude. I have been here in the US for 30+ years, and I still do that - don’t look at people’s faces when I talk to them. Some people told me they notice that about me. If what you say was true, it would be normal behavior and not noticeable. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/85 "2011-10-17T16:48:07Z")
> [@An\_Gadai](#): > > Ok seriously was my OP that bad? I’m asking what is it that “foreigners” (ie non-anglo americans for want of a better term) need to know about Britain and the US so as not to offend the locals? > The only one so far has been the tipping thing, although that’s only a thing AFAIK in the US and not elsewhere in the Anglosphere. Your OP was clear to me. But the question you asked is not the one people want to answer. You are getting the answers they want to give. Those crazy fill in the blanks! ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/86 "2011-10-17T16:48:20Z")
> [@Baron\_Greenback](#): > > Is this universal in Britain? If so, I’ve been committing a huge social faux-pas all my life. It’s always a “tuck in” thing in my experience. :eek: Don’t know about Britain, but in the U.S. you are supposed to wait until everyone is served unless (1) it is a very large group, such as a wedding reception. In that case as soon as two people are served they should start, or (2) the person/people who have not yet been served actively encourage the others not to wait for them. In high-end service, no one will be served anyway until everyone’s meal is ready, and all will be served simultaneously. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/87 "2011-10-17T16:50:44Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I’m not sure what answer you think you’re going to get. Highly observant muslims, like highly observant ANYTHING have fairly strict lifestyle rules and disapporiove of those who don’t follow them. > > It isn’t complicated. Nor is it different from how a non-Christian feels in highly observant Christian communities. At least they don’t [check you for horns](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=622974&highlight=horns). Lots and lots of Arabs who have emigrated to America aren’t Muslims, but are actually Christian. In the Middle East the vast majority of Arabs are Muslim, but Christians are heavily overrepresented among those who choose to move away. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/88 "2011-10-17T16:54:01Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > How not to offend Westerners when in their country? Don’t try to haggle on prices in a store. No amount of wheddling, whining, “Isn’t it on sale?” “Can’t you do better?” “Oh, can’t you just charge me for x and throw in y for free?” is going to make me change my mind and give you a discount when I COULD LOSE MY JOB for that! It makes the whole experience uncomfortable and I just want you to leave. I’m not going to give you my best service, and I’m not going to look forward to seeing you again. I can somewhat understand this in people who are just visiting our country, but I find it even more annoying in people who have been living and working here for YEARS. Maybe some small, independent, family-run stores will wheel and deal on price, and it’s acceptable when buying a car or a house…but not on a $20 item in a corporate store. The price is the price. This is not universal. You sometimes can get a better price even on a small item under certain circumstances. My husband does it all the time. Of course, he was born in eastern Europe, and spent most of his childhood as a displaced person in western Europe, so he’s still a bit of a furriner. However, if he goes into, say, a home and garden center and sees that there are plants on sale because it’s the end of season, and some of them are looking a bit frayed around the edges, he will generally go to a manager and offer a lower price and they will often give it to him. The stuff is basically headed for the dumpster anyway, so really any price at all is profit. He once got several shrubs for a dime apiece. About half of them died, but still… ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/89 "2011-10-17T16:57:21Z")
I’ve told the story before about the Asian woman (I believe she was from China) in one place I worked who came into work with a cold. She would unapologetically sneeze or cough on people. If she coughed up phlegm she would hork the blob right into the wastebasket where ever she was. She had to be told not to do that. Definitely had a whole different idea of sanitation. Interestingly, we had a number of Asian people in the company, and she was the only one with this particular behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/90 "2011-10-17T16:58:15Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Lots and lots of Arabs who have emigrated to America aren’t Muslims, but are actually Christian. In the Middle East the vast majority of Arabs are Muslim, but Christians are heavily overrepresented among those who choose to move away. The original immirants around the Dearborn area were mostly Christian. More recent immigrants (those unlikely to be assimilated as that tends to happen in the 2nd & 3rd generations) are largely from palestinian territories, Syria, and Iraq, and are practicing muslims to various degrees. The largest Mosque in North America is in Dearborn. Actually there was a big kerfluffle when several Christian preachers were arrested for breaching the peace at the Arab American festival. ---
**Author:** ![Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/91 "2011-10-17T16:58:51Z")
> [@amanset](#): > > Not always. Maybe for business meetings or if you are meeting someone somewhere where they’d have to wait, but if you are told a party starts at eight and you arrive at eight you will almost certainly be the first person there. Times for dinner parties are, in my experience, set for an hour before food is on the table, allowing for people to turn up late. In fact, I’d say this is one area in which the UK differs to other cultures. I certainly fell foul of it in Sweden when I first moved here. Yeah, parties are a bit of a different matter. Nobody wants to arrive first at a party. > [@Baron Greenback](#): > > Is this universal in Britain? If so, I’ve been committing a huge social faux-pas all my life. It’s always a “tuck in” thing in my experience. In my experience, yes, this is universal, especially in a (semi)-formal setting. The only exceptions are when those not already served encourage everybody to start, or you’re at a wedding and split into separate tables, in which case each table will start eating even if other tables have not yet been served. Barbarian! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/92 "2011-10-17T18:50:44Z")
That people in North America sit down on the toilet in the bathroom when applicable. I’ve never traveled overseas but I guess some countries have toilets where you squat to do business. Someone I knew once told me that they couldn’t figure out why there were always dusty bootprints on the office’s ladies room toilet seat…until they realized that one of the ladies was a recent immigrant and was squatting on the toilet seat. A construction worker I knew once told me that construction site port-a-potties are repulsive because the recent immigrant construction workers squat on the seats to crap and it gets all over the place, and they don’t clean it up. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/93 "2011-10-17T19:49:13Z")
> [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](#): > > Barbarian! 😃 It seems so! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/94 "2011-10-17T20:39:06Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I can’t speak for all Canadians (especially Quebecois, since they tend to kiss on the cheek), but Western Canadians don’t tend to be huggy kissy people. I would say most Canadians wouldn’t be horrified at getting hugged and kissed, but I personally would never initiate it. Yes, here in Québec it’s customary amongst francophones - and some more strongly bilingual anglophones - to kiss in greeting; once on each cheek. Men don’t do this to each other, but men and women or women and women do. Many anglophones won’t initiate this, but know the custom and go along with it anyways, at least IME, so it’s a relatively safe bet that a kiss on the cheek is going to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/95 "2011-10-17T20:50:21Z")
I’ve worked in a couple of EFL (English as a Foreign Language) schools, and in other environments where many of my coworkers were from elsewhere. Things I’ve had to (or wanted to) advise students and/or coworkers, many of which were mentioned above: - No commenting on physical appearance, especially weight. It’s generally okay to _compliment_ someone on their clothing or hairstyle, but any negative comments about those things, or comments of \*any \*kind about their face or body, are going to be considered strange at best, and offensive at worst. Do not do it. - _Do not tell women they look pregnant_, or ask if they are. - Blowing one’s nose quietly in public is acceptable, but if you have to do it very loudly, or more than once or twice in a row, it might be best to go to the restroom. Only use a tissue or your own handkerchief, and do not inspect it afterward. Clearing your throat loudly and vigorously to produce mucous, and/or spitting it out are not ever acceptable. - For that matter, spitting for any reason (chewing tobacco, disliking the flavor of something, etc.) is unacceptable. If you have something in your mouth that must be removed, use a tissue, or if you must, spit it discreetly into a cupped hand. - If you use public facilities (such as eating in a fast-food restaurant or washing before prayer in a public restroom), it is not acceptable to leave them in worse condition than when you started. If you make a mess, you should make a reasonable effort to clean up after yourself. - Littering is completely unacceptable. - Personal space is a big issue. It’s tricky, because the rules vary depending on how well you know the person, the reason for your interaction, and how much space there is around you in general. But in general, you can just observe people around you. Also, it’s best to err on the side of caution. If you’re not sure, stand one person-width farther away than you think you should, and if someone moves away, do not follow. If they mean for you to follow, or want you to stand closer (or sit down, etc.), they will say so. - If you can’t understand what someone is saying, just saying “Huh?” can be very rude. It can also be perfectly fine, depending on the context, but it’s much better to be safe and say, “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” or just “Sorry?” If you can’t think of anything to say, a confused look and silence is much more polite than “Eh?” - If someone (shopkeeper, coworker, etc.) greets or acknowledges you, you should give at least a minimal response, i.e., briefly meeting their gaze with a small smile and nod. - Most Americans will take offense if you insult other Americans or aspects of American culture, even if you say, “…but you’re the exception!” Some will not, and will be happy to discuss what they don’t like about the U.S., but even then, they may feel it’s okay for _them_ to say such things, but not an outsider. If you must say something negative about the U.S, be very, _very_ careful. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/96 "2011-10-17T21:11:15Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > In the US we tend to be not very direct about what we think (sometimes.) We don’t say “no,” we say “well, um, maybe _blah blah blah._” Some guy I work with at my customer is from Italy, and he has that European bluntness where he says exactly what is on his mind, and no more. Us: “Well, um, I think it could be better here and here.” Him: “It’s shit, you see?” This isn’t indirect vs. blunt so much as helpful vs. unhelpful. Most Italians will at least tell you what’s wrong. (Favorite story: Toscanini thinks his bass clarinet player isn’t giving it enough balls. “Cluck cluck cluck (chicken noise). Bravura, bravura!”) ---
**Author:** ![Cyningablod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Cyningablod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyningablod)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/97 "2011-10-17T21:12:00Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > I’m surprised at all the look-each-other-in-the-eye comments. **American men don’t look each other in the eye when they speak.** They often speak standing parallel or looking at the floor. If we’re at a restaurant table, we usually look at the table or the other guy’s shirt. > > In fact, ladies, it’s one of the reasons why it always looks like men are staring at your breasts when you’re speaking. If you’re wearing a low top, then it’s probably to sneak a peak. But otherwise, it’s probably just his natural eye target. Wait…what? 😕 [bolding mine] The only times–_ever_–that I have not made regular eye contact with another American male when speaking with him is when we were physically obliged to be side-by-side, eg, riding in a car or an airplane, etc. And I’ve known only very, very few American men who would tend not to meet _my_ eyes when talking with _me_ (those few who displayed this trait were clearly bashful or distracted for some reason). Seriously, I don’t know where you’re getting this. As a native-born, 36-year-old (Anglo-)American male who’s traveled and lived all over the country, I have _no clue_ what you’re talking about. For real. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/98 "2011-10-17T21:49:15Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Several people here have mentioned that in America you don’t talk about how much you make, but it came up much more for me in the US than it has in other countries, and often in contexts where I couldn’t see the logic of it at all. So, like politics or religion, it’s one of those things which “depends”: my advice to foreigners would be _don’t bring it up, and have a few evasive answers ready for when someone else does and you’d like to say “none of you business”._ Which is weird as it is one of the foremost things the French caracterize Americans with. Maybe it’s just a question of contrast with the class-warfare mindset of France. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/99 "2011-10-17T22:15:32Z")
If an English person says ‘Oh, you must come and visit when you come to my area’, this does **NOT** mean ‘Please, if you’re ever in my area, just show up on my doorstep! With your family! And expect to stay as long as you like!’. The correct way to take this ‘invitation’ is something along the lines of; some time before your trip, send a decent length letter, or email, or something similar, including a vague mention of the fact that you intend to be in the district, and hopefully, you’ll get a reply with a definite invitation. This will probably be a definite time, and definite duration. You may instead merely be asked over ‘for a cuppa’ while you’re over or simply given a hotel recommendation, with an apology. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/100 "2011-10-17T22:55:58Z")
> [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > A lot of Americans don’t talk about our personal experiences and feelings regarding religion, sex/relationships, or politics except with people we know well. Bringing this up in a situation such as a dinner between colleagues or in the classroom would make everyone feel awkward. Those who break this rule as Americans, IME, tend to be “born again” evangelical types. I’ve never met a person who didn’t fit that description that was eager to tell me about their religiosity as soon as they could slip it into the conversation. The worst part about this for me is when they ask pointedly what church I go to, or make a comment that’s meant to draw out a “yes, I’m also a giant believer of the same stuff” reaction and I have to verbally tap dance around it. > [@carlotta](#): > > Americans almost never share tables with strangers in restaurants. (Bars may be different, I’ve only been to a real bar once, so I’m a foreigner there myself). I’m an American who breaks this rule all the time if I’m in a shopping mall food court and there is a severely limited amount of seating. I will, however, look for someone who looks like a tourist or visiting from another country as a first person to ask before I ask someone who’s more obviously American. Women my age with a dressing style inconsistent with the local fashions + any sort of bags with an “unusual” (not English, Spanish or French Creole) language text on it are the first target for this behavior; I’m normally rewarded with one half of a cell phone conversation in their native language, or, if there’s a pair of women, a conversation in that language about innocuous stuff. This one seems to be missing from some younger Americans, but is common in the older folks: When someone engages you in small talk (“How are you?”/“Nice weather outside, eh?” type stuff), be responsive enough to ask the other person as well. If I get another “Good” with no “…and you?” when I’m asking you how you are, I’m just going to raise my eyebrow at you while you continue to text or stare blankly at me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796.md?page=6)