# What are our cultural hang-ups? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 16, 2011, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796 "2011-10-16T04:53:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/101 "2011-10-17T23:35:27Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > Nobody’s mentioned burping and farting. I’d think that’s something that might be okay some places but would clear the room here. I’m not sure where ‘here’ is, but in Afghanistan, it’s [the Americans](http://militarytimes.com/blogs/battle-rattle/2011/08/23/for-marines-in-afghanistan-be-careful-where-you-fart/)who have been [farting inappropriately](http://gawker.com/5833806/marines-ban-noisy-farts-in-afghanistan). ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/102 "2011-10-18T00:55:44Z")
> [@An\_Gadai](#): > > For example, Jjimm suggested “Blowing one’s nose in public is considered disgusting in some Asian countries.” A person from one of those countries, eschewing public nose blowing in the US or Britain or Ireland, wouldn’t be likely to offend anyone’s sensibilities. No “backwards” adjustment required in order not to offend Joe America or Winston English. I did mentioon noisily hoicking up great gobs of phlegm in the morning. That’s something to be avoided. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/103 "2011-10-18T01:06:39Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I did mentioon noisily hoicking up great gobs of phlegm in the morning. That’s something to be avoided. Yeah I was gonna mention that in the post but I didn’t want my point to be lost. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/104 "2011-10-18T01:29:19Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > If you have any swastika-adorned clothing or jewelry, it might give rise to misunderstandings in the US or Europe. A guy once brought back a Japanese omamori (good luck pouch) with a prominent Manji on it to a Jewish friend of mine. She didn’t think anything of it, being into Japanese culture herself. Her parents were not amused, however 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rodgers01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/105 "2011-10-18T02:21:43Z")
I’m surprised no one’s mentioned Americans’ hang-ups about nudity. Compared, at least, to some European countries, Americans are very sensitive indeed about baring too much skin: witness the upset over Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” a few years back. Guys visiting the US should know that a Speedo is awkward at best at the pool; women should know that on most beaches you can’t go topless. A German teacher once tole my class about how upset some American friends got when she let her toddler swim naked at a local pool. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/106 "2011-10-18T03:02:58Z")
Not so much a cultural hang up, but a difference. In plenty of countries used toilet paper is not to be flushed. Since I live very near Mexico there’ve been plenty of times I’ve entered a bathroom to find used tissue (blech x 1000) in the trash or on the floor. Also, a glass of water, or food washed with water from the tap, won’t be touched. It’s not that your guest thinks your kitchen is dirty, just that tap water back home isn’t clean enough for consumption. I’m still not used to having my cheeks pinched by complete strangers, comments made about my tragically pale skin or hearing someone affectionately called the equivalent of ‘Fatso.’ Being a chubby white kid made walking down the street painful in more than one way. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/107 "2011-10-18T03:05:55Z")
> [@Terr](#): > > I don’t know, Chessic. I grew up in a culture (Russia) where you don’t look each other in the eye when talking - it’s considered rude. I have been here in the US for 30+ years, and I still do that - don’t look at people’s faces when I talk to them. Some people told me they notice that about me. If what you say was true, it would be normal behavior and not noticeable. > [@Cyningablod](#): > > Wait…what? 😕 > > [bolding mine] > > The only times–_ever_–that I have not made regular eye contact with another American male when speaking with him is when we were physically obliged to be side-by-side, eg, riding in a car or an airplane, etc. And I’ve known only very, very few American men who would tend not to meet _my_ eyes when talking with _me_ (those few who displayed this trait were clearly bashful or distracted for some reason). > > Seriously, I don’t know where you’re getting this. As a native-born, 36-year-old (Anglo-)American male who’s traveled and lived all over the country, I have _no clue_ what you’re talking about. For real. > > :dubious: I’m not saying it’s universal. Just males in close proximity, like in a booth leaning in, or talking in a library. Any further apart than that and I take it back. Here’s what Deborah Tanner [has to say](http://www9.georgetown.edu/faculty/tannend/sexlies.htm) on the subject: > [@](#): > > The impression of not listening results from misalignments in the mechanics of conversation. The misalignment begins as soon as a man and a woman take physical positions. This became clear when I studied videotapes made by psychologist Bruce Dorval of children and adults talking to their same-sex best friends. I found that at every age, \*\*the girls and women faced each other directly, their eyes anchored on each other’s faces. At every age, the boys and men sat at angles to each other and looked elsewhere in the room, periodically glancing at each other. \*\*They were obviously attuned to each other, often mirroring each other’s movements. But the tendency of men to face away can give women the impression they aren’t listening even when they are. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/108 "2011-10-18T03:33:19Z")
> [@Ashes\_Ashes](#): > > Not so much a cultural hang up, but a difference. In plenty of countries used toilet paper is not to be flushed. Since I live very near Mexico there’ve been plenty of times I’ve entered a bathroom to find used tissue (blech x 1000) in the trash or on the floor. > > Also, a glass of water, or food washed with water from the tap, won’t be touched. It’s not that your guest thinks your kitchen is dirty, just that tap water back home isn’t clean enough for consumption. > > I’m still not used to having my cheeks pinched by complete strangers, comments made about my tragically pale skin or hearing someone affectionately called the equivalent of ‘Fatso.’ Being a chubby white kid made walking down the street painful in more than one way. So, are you in the US? Not to pick on you in particular, but this is an example of where ignoring the OP’s explicit question (if indeed you are doing so) comes across as confusing. I’ve never seen the latter two items anywhere in the US, even somewhat close to Mexico. ---
**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/109 "2011-10-18T04:56:19Z")
In America, it is rude to ask about money. ‘how much do you earn?’ In Britain/Ireland, it can be rude to ask nosey questions which could be seen as ferreting out the social status of the other person (where are you from? how much do you earn? what car do you drive? what’s your job? where did you go to school?) In America, it’s a bit rude _not_ to ask personal questions of a person you’ve just met. It can come across as a bit cold and reserved. pdts ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/110 "2011-10-18T05:15:23Z")
> [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](#): > > In Britain/Ireland, it can be rude to ask nosey questions which could be seen as ferreting out the social status of the other person (where are you from? how much do you earn? what car do you drive? what’s your job? where did you go to school?) Of these only “How much do you earn?” would really be unacceptable here, I rarely know what even close friends are getting. The others can be asked in a seemingly rude context but aren’t on the face of it verboten. For example, most Irish people wouldn’t give a shit if you asked them where they were from, but a lot of people here who are obviously of a different ethnicity get sick of being asked that same question over and over. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/111 "2011-10-18T05:30:59Z")
What about asking about someone’s religion? Working out here in Asia, I once had a coworker who came from Northern Ireland, and he was quite taken aback when I asked him casually, “so, are you Catholic or Protestant?” and he instructed me never to ask that of a Northern Irish person again if I knew what was good for me, unless I had a good reason or knew them really well. (I know that Ireland \<\> Northern Ireland, but I was curious.) In the US such a question might be construed as a bit nosy, but not shocking. In Taiwan it’s no big thing at all AFAIK. OTOH he had a broom up his posterior about a lot of other things, so it might have been an individual quirk. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/112 "2011-10-18T05:37:26Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > What about asking about someone’s religion? Working out here in Asia, I once had a coworker who came from Northern Ireland, and he was quite taken aback when I asked him casually, “so, are you Catholic or Protestant?” and he instructed me never to ask that of a Northern Irish person again if I knew what was good for me, unless I had a good reason or knew them really well. (I know that Ireland \<\> Northern Ireland, but I was curious.) In the US such a question might be construed as a bit nosy, but not shocking. In Taiwan it’s no big thing at all AFAIK. > > OTOH he had a broom up his posterior about a lot of other things, so it might have been an individual quirk. I’m not sure a stranger asking that would offend anyone even in Northern Ireland, but down here the majority of people are Catholic (at least nominally) and offence might be taken by some because you imagined they could be a Protestant. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/113 "2011-10-18T05:47:34Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > What about asking about someone’s religion?\ We have more-or-less a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about religion in Canada (well, the parts I’ve lived in, anyway) - it’s basically considered private, and you just don’t go there. All the stories I hear on the Dope about people getting grilled about their religious beliefs boggle my mind - it just isn’t anyone else’s _business_. We do always ask where someone is from, though. Either you’re from a different part of Canada, or a different part of the world. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/114 "2011-10-18T06:07:45Z")
One thing that I’ve found, especially from Asian countries, is that they don’t realize that if an American says “What’s wrong/Are you mad/Is something upsetting you?” We want to know. We’re not asking for no reason, we’re asking because it’s apparent to us that’s something’s going on. If you say no, and especially if you say no TWICE after we’ve asked again, then we’re going to assume that nothing is wrong or you don’t want to speak about it. We’re not going to probe and try to guess what’s wrong and SAY exactly what’s wrong just so that you can say ‘yes that’s it’. I can’t even tell you how long it took me to figure that one out the first time I ran into it. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/115 "2011-10-18T07:59:08Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > One thing that I’ve found, especially from Asian countries, is that they don’t realize that if an American says “What’s wrong/Are you mad/Is something upsetting you?” We want to know. Which reminds me of something else we’ve mentioned in these threads before: for most Americans, “how are you?” means “hello”, not “please tell me how you are feeling and how your weekend was”. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/116 "2011-10-18T08:18:53Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > If you say no, and especially if you say no TWICE after we’ve asked again, then we’re going to assume that nothing is wrong or you don’t want to speak about it. We’re not going to probe and try to guess what’s wrong and SAY exactly what’s wrong just so that you can say ‘yes that’s it’. Do they ever come back with, “If you loved me I wouldn’t have to tell you?” ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/117 "2011-10-18T08:24:33Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > If an English person says ‘Oh, you must come and visit when you come to my area’, this does **NOT** mean ‘Please, if you’re ever in my area, just show up on my doorstep! With your family! And expect to stay as long as you like!’. > > The correct way to take this ‘invitation’ is something along the lines of; some time before your trip, send a decent length letter, or email, or something similar, including a vague mention of the fact that you intend to be in the district, and hopefully, you’ll get a reply with a definite invitation. This will probably be a definite time, and definite duration. You may instead merely be asked over ‘for a cuppa’ while you’re over or simply given a hotel recommendation, with an apology. By golly I’d forgotten that. The perspective in New Zealand and Australia is different however. Like Americans we generally mean it when we suggest a person should visit. I have British friends who now live in NZ. The first time they were invited by work colleagues to a barbeque, they misunderstood thinking it was a polite but empty invitation. The phone rang at 6:30pm asking where they were… ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/118 "2011-10-18T11:06:33Z")
> [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](#): > > In my experience, yes, this is universal, especially in a (semi)-formal setting. The only exceptions are when those not already served encourage everybody to start, or you’re at a wedding and split into separate tables, in which case each table will start eating even if other tables have not yet been served. > > Barbarian! 😃 However, if you are me then even if those without food are encouraging you to start you still wait. I see the encouragement as part of the social dance, something that is expected to be said but not expected to be acted upon. Some people are weird about food being ABSOLUTELY PIPING HOT. My mother is convinced that if it isn’t served on a hot plate and you don’t started within seconds of its arrival on the table then it is ABSOLUTELY RUINED. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/119 "2011-10-18T14:49:33Z")
Do not make negative comments about food someone else is eating, unless you know them very well. Comments on weight are likewise restricted to people you know very well, unless it’s a comment on how someone has lost weight. Questions about when you’re going to get married or have kids are also restricted to people you know very well. As Dave Barry once said, “You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment”, or unless she has told you she’s pregnant. ---
**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796/120 "2011-10-18T14:57:43Z")
> [@An\_Gadai](#): > > Of these only “How much do you earn?” would really be unacceptable here, I rarely know what even close friends are getting. > > The others can be asked in a seemingly rude context but aren’t on the face of it verboten. For example, most Irish people wouldn’t give a shit if you asked them where they were from, but a lot of people here who are obviously of a different ethnicity get sick of being asked that same question over and over. If you asked an Irish person a string of those questions when you first met them, I’m pretty sure they’d get peeved quickly. pdts [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-our-cultural-hang-ups/599796.md?page=7)