# What are some of the funniest malapropisms you've heard? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 5, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428 "2002-08-05T13:32:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![172pilot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/3da27b/32.png) [@172pilot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/172pilot)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/1 "2002-08-05T13:32:38Z")
I was watching Yogi Berra on a commercial and I thought I’d pose the question. What are some of the funniest malapropisms you’ve come across? I thought you all must have heard some good ones!😃 ---
**Author:** ![Aro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b3f665/32.png) [@Aro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aro)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2002, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/2 "2002-08-05T13:52:50Z")
The use of _prawns_ in a game of chess. (why is this in GQ???) Del Boy, in \* Only fools & horses\* is the real master of these… But can I think of any quotes at the moment… Later. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2002, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/3 "2002-08-05T15:30:11Z")
Feed [the dorum restrictions](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/) Off to IMHO. **DrMatrix** - General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2002, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/4 "2002-08-05T17:22:46Z")
That would be a SPOONERISM, Mr Datrix 😉 ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2002, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/5 "2002-08-05T20:45:42Z")
Malapropisms . . . Spoonerism. Whatever. It’s still IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2002, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/6 "2002-08-05T21:06:12Z")
I crack me up, I always say "well, we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it…mixed metaphor…heh…heh. Okay, not that funny I guess, but I still crack me up. I say it with a straight face. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2002, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/7 "2002-08-05T23:09:56Z")
Man, reading these makes me feel like a fish out of hell. Or a bat out of water. Remembering which is no walk in the cake. ---
**Author:** ![MC\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@MC\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MC_E)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2002, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/8 "2002-08-05T23:37:27Z")
OK, all of these are from the same person, and I’ve seen them in writing. Escape-goat, self-of-steam, urinarilly incompetent, “always excepting me for what I am” and a bunch more I can’t remember… MC$E ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2002, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/9 "2002-08-05T23:55:26Z")
I once went out with a girl who came out with these all the time. Referring to a musician friend who was headlining at a jazz club: “Yeah, we’re going to see Dave at the club, he’s mainlinining tonight”. Referring to a friend’s habit of putting herself down and lacking confidence: “She’s always coming out with these self-defecating comments”. Explaining that she was arguing the opposing view just for the sake of it: “Okay, but just to play Devil’s avocado for a minute…” All genuine. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/10 "2002-08-06T05:45:27Z")
**ianzin,** I went out with a girl who remarked on my “self-defecating” humor. I’ve never been to London, though. She also expressed frustration with all the “minimal-wage” jobs available. The best, though was my childhood friend Lenny (I believe everyone should have a childhood friend named Lenny). He was afraid of spiders, and when we brought one near him (as we frequently did, of course), he would say, “Come on, you know I’m \* petranoid \* of those things.” ---
**Author:** ![Hanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b3f665/32.png) [@Hanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanna)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/11 "2002-08-06T06:37:13Z")
The checkout girl who kept telling me she needs to “get a prescription” for _Cosmopolitan_ magazine as she was ringing up my copy… ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/12 "2002-08-06T06:40:37Z")
That’s funny, **Boscibo** , when I worked at a drugstore in high school, people were always asking for their subscriptions. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/13 "2002-08-06T07:07:03Z")
My sister is never going to live this down… The lyrics went…“Watching the chickens peck the groud.” She went (at the top of her lungs)…“WATCHING THE PICKENS CHECK THE GROUND!” ---
**Author:** ![crazy4chaucer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@crazy4chaucer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazy4chaucer)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/14 "2002-08-06T12:40:51Z")
Is a bear Catholic? and, conversely, does the Pope poop in the woods? ---
**Author:** ![Genseric](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Genseric](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genseric)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/15 "2002-08-06T12:51:49Z")
I recently said “That was many moons ago, as the crow flies.” I’m a big fan of word play. ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/16 "2002-08-06T13:48:09Z")
I had a landlord once who told me he lived across the street from a man who was a repercussionist with the symphony. ---
**Author:** ![Aro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b3f665/32.png) [@Aro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aro)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/17 "2002-08-06T14:51:39Z")
I was in a car once when someone commented: “\* I know this road like a house on fire…”\* In a Supermarket I once worked in as a student an announcer, over the PA system in the whole store, once said… _" Greetings Turkeys, your Christmas customers are now available for collection. Thank you…"_ Every one a classic. ---
**Author:** ![JBERGES](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@JBERGES](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBERGES)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/18 "2002-08-06T14:55:42Z")
I really wish I could remember who said this: “Close? Close only counts in hand-shoes and horse-grenades!” ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/19 "2002-08-06T15:01:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NurseCarmen \* > \*\*I crack me up, I always say "well, we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it…mixed metaphor…heh…heh. Okay, not that funny I guess, but I still crack me up. I say it with a straight face. \*\* I always thought the “correct” saying made little sense: _We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it._ If the bridge is there, our problem is solved. So shouldn’t we say, _We’ll cross that **river** when we come to it_? ---
**Author:** ![japatlgt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df705f/32.png) [@japatlgt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/japatlgt)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2002, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/20 "2002-08-06T16:53:44Z")
After a Mike Tyson fight years ago when he was on top, during the ring interview he had been asked about how things had gone how he was feeling, etc., and was obviously trying to puncuate his remarks with “I can’t complain” but instead he kept repeating things like “I don’t know, I can’t explain.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428.md?page=2)