# What are some of the funniest malapropisms you've heard? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 5, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428 "2002-08-05T13:32:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![brandiwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@brandiwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brandiwine)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2002, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/41 "2002-08-10T06:57:47Z")
Not a true malapropism, but a certain president seems to enjoy discussing “Nucular Weapons” & “Weapons of Mask Destruction” quite often. ---
**Author:** ![brandiwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@brandiwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brandiwine)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2002, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/42 "2002-08-10T07:04:09Z")
Not a true malapropism, but a certain president seems to enjoy discussing “Nucular Weapons” & “Weapons of Mask Destruction” quite often. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2002, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/43 "2002-08-10T08:16:10Z")
Ooh! Ooh! I just remembered-- my long-time best friend used to consistently use “scatalogical” in appropriate ways. Turns out he was under the impression that it meant “pertaining to philosophical absurdities”, as near as I could tell. At first, this would slide by, say, when he’d talk about how he particularly appreciated the scatalogical aspects of _Monty Python_. Then there was the time we were at a house party, and he blithely told a girl he’d just been introduced to that he was only interested in scatalogical material. “Yup, if it’s scatalogical, I’m so there.” Oh my god. He was so _earnest_ about it, too, since in context what he was trying to say was that crude, unsophisticated comedy didn’t really appeal to him. 😃 Ah, the look on her face, as she glanced around for an opportunity to escape to safety… ---
**Author:** ![loupdebois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e495f1/32.png) [@loupdebois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/loupdebois)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2002, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/44 "2002-08-10T20:58:38Z")
One of my friends has a “photogenic memory…” which she’s very proud of ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2002, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/45 "2002-08-10T23:21:27Z")
A few months ago, I was entering grades in the computer while my students were taking a test. One of them said, “Ms. Shrew, you type too loud. I can’t confiscate.” ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/46 "2002-08-11T05:00:54Z")
I think I’ve mentioned my Quebecois ex-boyfriend, who with his lovely accent in English once complained that some orange juice was too Hassidic. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/47 "2002-08-11T05:13:31Z")
I had a cow-orker (not the sharpest knife in the drawer) who was trying t curb her swearing because she didn’t want to be known as “someone who uses profound language.” Trust me, no one would ever make the mistake of thinking she’d use langauge that was profound. ---
**Author:** ![sundog66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@sundog66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sundog66)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/48 "2002-08-11T06:38:15Z")
And what is the deal with “pronunciate”? I might pronounce something, and I may enunciate it, but never do I pronunciate it. ---
**Author:** ![ninevah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/46a35a/32.png) [@ninevah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninevah)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/49 "2002-08-11T13:42:54Z")
There’s a comedy series that’s just finished screening here in Australia called ‘Kath and Kim’ where the characters (a mother and daughter and their friends) are forever mixing up words and sayings. (note: all characters are send ups of ordinary awful suburban types) These are some good examples: Kim: “I want to be effluent, Mum.” Kath: “You are effluent, Kim. Look at all you have - a Hyundai, a half-share in a home unit, a DVD, a mobile …” “Maybe I didn’t have enough time to roll my own oats.” - Kim reflecting on why her marriage to Brett collapsed. “Oh Kel, I’m ravishing.” - Kath says to her fiancee, tucking into dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/50 "2002-08-11T19:11:30Z")
Former supervisor went around handing out a memo to department members. As she gave a copy to each one of us individually, she said “I think you’ll find this to be self-exclamatory.” We were copywriters. Some of us laughed in her face. She also talked incessantly about her husband’s prostrate condition, but I can’t make too much fun of her for that, since that’s one of those words I won’t say because I’m afraid I’ll say it wrong. I KNOW which is which; I just can’t trust my mouth not to embarrass me. ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/51 "2002-08-12T01:07:26Z")
Speaking of malapropisms; Is the constant use of _cow-orker_ instead of the more usual _co-worker_ on the board some kind of running joke? It’s already been used twice in this thread. No, really, I want to know! ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/52 "2002-08-12T01:10:39Z")
Yes, it is a rather tired joke that sprang from manny typos. ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/53 "2002-08-12T02:00:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Charmian \* > \*\*I had a cow-orker (not the sharpest knife in the drawer) who was trying t curb her swearing because she didn’t want to be known as “someone who uses profound language.” > \*\* Help, me. I’m having a brain fart. For some reason I can’t wrap my head around what word is _supposed_ to be there. ---
**Author:** ![fighting\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ac8455/32.png) [@fighting\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fighting_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/54 "2002-08-12T02:04:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*A cow-orker \*\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![fighting\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ac8455/32.png) [@fighting\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fighting_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/55 "2002-08-12T02:11:52Z")
So I heard these two guys talking about something they did which was “as easy as shooting monkeys in a barrel” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/56 "2002-08-12T02:14:44Z")
**Cess** , _profane_. ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/57 "2002-08-12T02:31:39Z")
Thank you! 😃 I feel stupid now. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/58 "2002-08-12T13:00:27Z")
I think I was dealt the Pentacle of Idiocy last time I had my cards read. That would explain a lot about my life. LMAO over this thread. Seriously. I’m at work, and I’m here in my cubicle howling like a band-aid. I once heard two people of similar ethnicities describes as being “of the same distraction”. Ah well, it’s all water over the bridge. ---
**Author:** ![Smitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Smitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smitty)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/59 "2002-08-12T13:53:48Z")
Mike Tyson, after the Spinks (sp?) fight, was asked why his opponent did not want to be the first one to enter the ring. He replied, “Oh, I think he was just trying to scrutinize with my brain a little bit.” I heard an NBA announcer, after Ralph Sampson badly missed a left-handed hook shot, comment, “Well, I guess Ralph isn’t a left-handed hooker.” When in a restaurant, my father used to try to get me to order cheaper items by telling me that I didn’t always have to order “peasant under glass.” ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2002, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428/60 "2002-08-12T16:10:29Z")
My girlfriend was talking about pulling out her bike and said she’d probably have to “fill the air with tires.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-the-funniest-malapropisms-youve-heard/122428.md?page=4)