# What are some of your favorite quotes from comedies? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 11, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074 "2010-05-11T18:10:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MTCicero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@MTCicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTCicero)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/1 "2010-05-11T18:10:32Z")
They can be from either movies or TV. I’ll start it off with this gem from [**Lost In America**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_In_America): > [@](#): > > We have to touch Indians. We have to see the mountains and the prairies and the whole rest of that song. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/2 "2010-05-11T18:15:24Z")
“He fixes the cable?” -_The Big Lebowski_ ---
**Author:** ![Rafe\_Hollister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Rafe\_Hollister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rafe_Hollister)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/3 "2010-05-11T18:32:41Z")
From _Elf_ I’m a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. Have you seen these toilets? They’re GINORMOUS! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup. From _Napoleon Dynamite_ Deb: What are you drawing? Napoleon Dynamite: A liger. Deb: What’s a liger? Napoleon Dynamite: It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic. Last week, Japanese scientists explaced… placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally. Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again? Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines! Don: Did you shoot any? Napoleon Dynamite: Yes, like 50 of ‘em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that? Don: What kind of gun did you use? Napoleon Dynamite: A freakin’ 12-gauge, what do you think? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/4 "2010-05-11T18:54:07Z")
Judy Maxwell (Barbra Streisand): Being in Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry. Howard Bannister (Ryan O’neal): (After a ten-beat pause) That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. –From **What’s up, Doc?** Script by Buck Henry ---
**Author:** ![cdsilv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cdsilv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cdsilv)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/5 "2010-05-11T19:01:56Z")
That just came up on the spoim (sperm) of the moment (and) pigment of your imaginination - Archie Bunker ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/6 "2010-05-11T19:50:13Z")
This exchange from Flight of the Conchords came up in a previous thread but it’s worth repeating: Murray: When you’re in a band, you don’t get with your bandmates’ girlfriends (or) you get a Fleetwood Mac situation…They did do some of their best music back then. Bret: Rumours Murray: No, that’s all true. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/7 "2010-05-11T19:55:19Z")
What did you expect? “Welcome, sonny”? “Make yourself at home”? “Marry my daughter”? You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons. [(Blazing Saddles)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHqL7dNujNc) (link to video, contains N word) ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/8 "2010-05-11T19:57:55Z")
That’s not the point. It’s the principle of the thing" - Robin Hood, Men In Tights ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/9 "2010-05-11T20:00:23Z")
“Fuck! Even in the future nothin’ works!” ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/10 "2010-05-11T20:06:45Z")
“Surely you can’t be serious?” “I am serious. And, don’t call me Shirley.” _Airplane!_ ---
**Author:** ![MTCicero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@MTCicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTCicero)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/11 "2010-05-11T20:13:24Z")
“I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable.” – **Annie Hall** ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/12 "2010-05-11T20:31:54Z")
“Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west, and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.” “Do you know a man by the name of LaFong? Carl LaFong? Capital L, small a, Capital F, small o, small n, small g. LaFong. Carl LaFong.” “Why, everybody in Mandrake Falls is pixilated – except us.” “Who’s on first. What’s on second. I don’t know’s on third.” (et seq.) “The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon. The vessel with the pestle holds the brew that is true.” “You’ll laugh! You’ll cry! You’ll kiss three bucks goodbye!” (Hardware Wars) “The District Attorney’s a Republican.” “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” “Aristotle was not Belgian! The principle of Buddhism is not “every man for himself”! The London Underground is not a political movement! Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.” “Oh, God. I got a feeling something went wrong and now I own a blind camel.” ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/13 "2010-05-11T20:47:11Z")
“Cold are the hands of time that creep along relentlessly, destroying slowly but without pity that which yesterday was young. Alone our memories resist this disintegration and grow more lovely with the passing years. That’s hard to say with false teeth!” ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/14 "2010-05-11T20:48:46Z")
“…but if I kill all the golfers, people might get mad…” Bill Murray - _Caddy Shack._ ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/15 "2010-05-11T21:07:09Z")
“You are looking at one nervous Jew!” “That’s funny, you don’t look nervous” (Blake Edward’s S_O_B) Too much stuff from the Marx Brothers, here’s a good selection from one movie: > **[Duck Soup (1933) - Quotes - IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0023969/quotes/)** > > Duck Soup: Directed by Leo McCarey. With The Marx Brothers, Groucho Marx, Harpo Marx, Chico Marx. Rufus T. Firefly is named the dictator of bankrupt Freedonia and declares war on neighboring Sylvania over the love of his wealthy backer Mrs. Teasdale,... ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/16 "2010-05-11T21:09:23Z")
" You talk like a fag and your shit’s all retarded." “Welcome to Costco. I love you.” - Idiocracy “Did you know Jesus was a Jew?” “I miss my donkey.” -Clerks 2 “It’s a space peanut.” -Joe Dirt ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/17 "2010-05-11T21:10:48Z")
Anyone remember this one??? (it’s from a movie in the 80’s, but not a mega-hit) ## “Well it’s better than going around buggerin’ people” First one to ID the movie and actor (it’s a guy we are all familiar with) gets a complimentary 3.2% brew upon your next visit to Utah…😉 ---
**Author:** ![Quercus\_alba](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quercus_alba/32/4061_2.png) [@Quercus\_alba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus_alba)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/18 "2010-05-11T21:12:38Z")
“It’s only a flesh wound” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/19 "2010-05-11T21:15:47Z")
Aaron, from _Titus Andronicus_ > [@](#): > > O, why should wrath be mute, and fury dumb? > I am no baby, I, that with base prayers > I should repent the evils I have done: > Ten thousand worse than ever yet I did > Would I perform, if I might have my will; > If one good deed in all my life I did, > I do repent it from my very soul. What? It’s a comedy - albeit a very dark one. ---
**Author:** ![A\_Dodgy\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a87d85/32.png) [@A\_Dodgy\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Dodgy_Dude)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/20 "2010-05-11T21:23:37Z")
Phoebe: Next we need the semen of a righteous man. Rachel: Uh, Pheebs, if we could get any of that we wouldn’t be doing the damn ceremony. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074.md?page=2)