# What are some of your favorite quotes from comedies? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 11, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074 "2010-05-11T18:10:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/121 "2010-05-25T06:15:19Z")
From **S.O.B**., I think You look awful! You look like 135 pounds of condemned veal! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/122 "2010-05-25T06:35:11Z")
“Remember when I used to sit on your face and wiggle?” –Airplane ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/123 "2010-05-25T11:38:51Z")
Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications? Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape. Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice. Applicant: I like rape. * * * Butch Cassidy: Alright. I’ll jump first. Sundance Kid: No. Butch Cassidy: Then you jump first. Sundance Kid: No, I said. Butch Cassidy: What’s the matter with you? Sundance Kid: I can’t swim. Butch Cassidy: Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/124 "2010-05-25T13:15:25Z")
Hawkeye in M_A_S_H_: “An Edible Complex is when a guy likes his mom’s cooking better than eating out.” Golden Girls- their house has just been broken into Rose (Betty White): “Maybe they were after drugs!” Dorothy (Bea Arthur)\* very dryly\*: “Drugs? We have Maalox and estrogen.” ---
**Author:** ![zenith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e19b73/32.png) [@zenith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zenith)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/125 "2010-05-27T01:02:22Z")
> [@zamboniracer](#): > > From [The In-Laws (1979 version)](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079336/quotes) > > (from memory, so apologies for any inaccuracies) > > Vince Ricardo (as played by Peter Falk): Did you see the inscribed picture of President Kennedy? > Sheldon: It was very nice. What did the inscription mean, “At least we tried”? > Vince: That referred to the Bay of Pigs. > Sheldon: You were involved in the Bay of Pigs? > Vince Ricardo: Involved? That was my idea! > and > > [On working for the CIA] > Vince Ricardo: Are you interested in joining? The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That’s really the key to the benefit program. Another good one from the _In-Laws_: Vince and cab driver (David Paymer) waiting in a bar for Sheldon. _The Price Is Right_ playing on the TV: Vince(shaking head in disbelief): The things people think are entertaining these days. Ya mean to say this is all this show is? People standin’ around guessing the price of this CRAP. Is this new? How long’s it been on? Cab Driver: Since about 1911. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/126 "2010-05-27T01:48:50Z")
Some of you people are OLD! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![In\_Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a8b319/32.png) [@In\_Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/127 "2010-05-27T04:29:08Z")
From _Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid_: Rigby Reardon (Steve Martin): I hadn’t seen a body put together like that since I solved “The Case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.” From _Slap Shot_: Jim Carr: Hi, Jim Carr again. Denis, I know that some in our audience don’t know the finer points of hockey. Could you tell them, for example, what is icing? Denis Lemieux: Well, um, icing happen when the puck come down, bang you know, before the other guys you know. Nobody there, you know. My arm go comes up then the game stop then start up. Jim Carr: I see. What is high-sticking? Denis Lemieux: High-sticking happen when the guy take the stick, you know, and he go like that [high-sticks Jim Carr] Denis Lemieux: you know. You don’t do that. Jim Carr: You don’t do that? Denis Lemieux: Oh no, never, never. Jim Carr: Why not? Denis Lemieux: Against the rules. You know, you’re stupid when you do that. Just some English pig with no brains, you know. Jim Carr: Uh, what is slashing? Denis Lemieux: Slashing is um, like that [demonstrates on Jim Carr] Denis Lemieux: you know. Jim Carr: Mm-hmm. And there’s a penalty for that? Denis Lemieux: Yeah and for the trip also, you know like that [demonstrates] Denis Lemieux: . And for hook like this [demonstrates] Denis Lemieux: . And for spear, you know, like that. [demonstrates] Denis Lemieux: You do that, you go to the box, you know. Two minutes, by yourself, you know and you feel shame, you know. And then you get free. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/128 "2010-05-27T23:01:48Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/129 "2010-05-28T01:53:41Z")
_Flesh Gordon:_ DR. JERKOFF: It’s my mother’s dress. She was buried in it. DR. JERKOFF: [sniff] [sniff] Good! There is oxygen on this planet! ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/130 "2010-05-31T07:02:05Z")
No Super Troopers yet?? Farva: Gimme a litre o’ cola. Dimpus Burger Guy: What? Farva: [Annoyed] A litre o’ cola. Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Litrecola? Do we sell litrecola? Thorny: Will you just order a large, Farva? Farva: I don’t want a large farva. I want a goddamn litre o’ cola! Captain O’Hagan: I swear to God I’m going to pistol whip the next guy who says, " Shenanigans." Mac: Hey Farva what’s the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks? Farva: You mean Shenanigans? Captain O’Hagan: What’s the significance of this John Chimpo fella? Foster: You know those really cheap Japanese cartoons? No? This is basically a cheaper, Afgahni knockoff. It’s this monkey that basically travels around the world, doing nasty things. His butler tries to keep him in line, but, uh… no. Rabbit: It’s really funny, Cap. It’s Afghanistanimation! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/131 "2010-06-01T00:43:32Z")
> [@MTCicero](#): > > They can be from either movies or TV. > > I’ll start it off with this gem from [**Lost In America**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_In_America): A bird lives in a _round stick_! Joe ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/132 "2010-06-01T00:49:19Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > “My brother and I always said it would be heaven to drown in beer. Now he’s not here, and I’ve got two soakers. This isn’t heaven, this _sucks!_” > > _Strange Brew_ If I didn’t have puke breath, I’d kiss you! Joe ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/133 "2010-06-01T02:26:52Z")
> [@wheresgeorge04](#): > > If I didn’t have puke breath, I’d kiss you! > > Joe [“I could crush your head…like a nut…but I won’t…because I need you!”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDov_a1vZbY) No one delivers a line like Max von Sydow! ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f08c70/32.png) [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/134 "2010-06-01T04:05:44Z")
I got beat on this one. Dr. Strangelove: “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the War Room.” I love a good straight line. From Airplane: Lloyd Bridges: “Two more minutes?!?!? They’ll be miles off course.” Robert Stack: “That’s impossible. [They’re on instruments."](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEywGpIt0vw) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: (Scene: The Kid agrees to provide cover fire for Butch:) Butch: “You call that providing cover fire?” Sundance: “You call that running?” ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/135 "2010-06-01T05:24:25Z")
After Butch and Sundance blow a railroad mail car to kindling wood in trying to open a safe…“You think you used enough dynamite, Butch?” ---
**Author:** ![pinkyvee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6de8d8/32.png) [@pinkyvee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkyvee)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/136 "2010-06-01T05:40:17Z")
Groucho: “That’s in every contract, that’s what you call a sanity clause.” Chico: “You can’t a fool a me there ain’t no sanity clause” Groucho/Chico in A Night at the Opera (movie) ---
**Author:** ![JollyGoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dec6dc/32.png) [@JollyGoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JollyGoon)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/137 "2010-06-01T17:18:09Z")
What no not the nine o’clock news? ‘Wild? I was absolutely livid!’ or Fawlty Towers? Basil: Is something wrong? German guest: Will you please stop speaking about the war? B: Me? You started it. GG: We did not! B: yes you did, you invaded Poland. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/138 "2010-06-01T18:26:29Z")
> [@drm](#): > > From **Ghostbusters** : > Walter Peck: Hold it! I want this man arrested! Captain, these men are in criminal violation of the Environmental Protection Act! And this explosion is a direct result of it! > Dr. Egon Spengler: YOUR MOTHER! Oh, you missed one of the best ones: Dr Ray Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here. Walter Peck: They caused an explosion! Mayor: Is this true? Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it’s true…this man has no dick. ---
**Author:** ![jrbor76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9e8a1a/32.png) [@jrbor76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jrbor76)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/139 "2010-06-07T21:42:11Z")
One more I forgot… from Saved by the Bell: Mr. Belding: “Screech, you can’t elope!” Screech: “Who are you calling a canteloupe you melonhead?!?” This one’s a real groaner but damned if it doesn’t make me laugh every time I think of it. ---
**Author:** ![fighting\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ac8455/32.png) [@fighting\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fighting_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074/140 "2010-06-08T00:57:07Z")
Three pages in and no Kentucky Fried Movie. What is the world coming to?!?! Claude LaMont: I live ze unknown, I love ze unknown, I am ze unknown. Paul Burmaster: Claude, where are you living now? Claude LaMont: Zat… is unknown. I don’t know. Loo: And who are they? Dr. Klahn: Refuse, found in waterfront bars. Loo: Shanghaied? Dr. Klahn: Just lost drunken men who don’t know where they are and no longer care. Prisoner #1: Where are we? Prisoner #2: I don’t care! Loo: And these? Dr. Klahn: These are lost drunken men who don’t know where they are, but do care! And these are men who know where they are and care, but don’t drink. Prisoner #3: I don’t know who I am! Prisoner #4: Yeah. and I don’t drink. Dr. Klahn: Guards! [moves prisoners] Dr. Klahn: Do you care? Prisoner #5: No. Dr. Klahn: Put this man in cell #1, and give him a drink. Guard: What do you drink? Prisoner #5: I don’t care. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-of-your-favorite-quotes-from-comedies/539074.md?page=8)