# What are some red flags that your potential partner will be inhibited in the sack? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 5, 2010, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-red-flags-that-your-potential-partner-will-be-inhibited-in-the-sack/523726 "2010-01-05T05:20:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Cesario](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Cesario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cesario)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-red-flags-that-your-potential-partner-will-be-inhibited-in-the-sack/523726/121 "2010-01-07T05:47:27Z")
> [@Soapbox\_Monkey](#): > > That first post was when I was 18. I’ve long since gotten over the fact that I’ll never meet a virgin. There was a comment to be made here, but I think me mentioning that fact should be more than enough. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-red-flags-that-your-potential-partner-will-be-inhibited-in-the-sack/523726/122 "2010-01-07T17:44:09Z")
> [@Soapbox\_Monkey](#): > > More realistically I’d like to avoid the kind of girl who would get grossed out by the thought of a guy going down on her, considering that I won’t have the staying power to get her off any other way. So it’s not about the sex being good for you and needing to change her to make it better, it’s that you’ll end up with someone who only wants intercourse, where you’re worried your skills will be subpar on account of your lack of experience? That’s a good sign, actually. Well, not the overthinking and stressing about stuff before it happens, but the fact that you’re eager to please. That’s 90% of being good at sex: willingness to learn and eagerness to please. Women have a fairly different take on intercourse than men do, anyway. Some _can’t_ have an orgasm from intercourse, only oral sex and/or masturbation. Some can, but not consistently. Yet even when they don’t they still often enjoy intercourse and get something out of it. (It’s weird.) So don’t go in thinking that intercourse is the be all and the end all for women and you have to learn to spot women who like oral as a fallback since you aren’t an intercourse master. It’s kind of the opposite – if you’re a master of oral, the world is your oyster. I’d wager that way more women would rather be with a guy who had exceptional oral technique and average intercourse abilities than vice-versa. But if you do end up with someone who doesn’t like oral, just roll with it. Do whatever she does like, and don’t grill her about her orgasms. (Don’t grill anybody, actually – if you can’t tell, don’t ask.) It won’t be as difficult as you’re imagining it – it’s not a one time, winner-take-all performance. Even if the first few times are a little awkward, it’ll get better. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-red-flags-that-your-potential-partner-will-be-inhibited-in-the-sack/523726/123 "2010-01-08T21:25:42Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > I hate watching people even kiss in movies. It’s usually stupid, gross, and lame. Sex scenes in R rated movies just make me think about where the camera is positioned and if they’re wearing undies or not. If it’s one of those arty sex scenes with the swooping music and all I would prefer to leave the room. I can’t believe you would take my unwillingness to watch actors making faces while chastly humping to a soundtrack as an indicator of the way I am in bed. That’s really ridiculous. > > I also think your idea that disliking porn is an indicator is absolute bullshit as well. I dislike most porn because it’s plastic and they make faces for the camera. I feel that it does lead to unrealistic expectations. That doesn’t mean I don’t like all porn and it doesn’t make me inhibited. C’mon, it’s other people being filmed during sex, my opinion on it has NOTHING to do about how I behave or how I feel about the actual act itself. This is me almost to a T. I’m really pleased with my sex life (as is he) but sex scenes in rated R movies and HBO\* squick me out. I always shut my eyes or squirm a bit. I don’t mind _my_ nakedness, at the gym or with the SO, and vice versa, but seeing other people fake it on screen is both disingenuous and odd to me. \*I watched the first few seasons of Big Love, which were great - except for seeing Bill Paxton’s ass humping his naked wives, which was decided not so great. I don’t hate porn personally, but I hate the effect it has on scores of men, particularly in my age group (in their 20’s). I actually have a close friend who stopped looking at porn entirely because he found that his sex life was more rewarding with his then fiance (now wife) when he didn’t. But he had insane (to me) stories of his friends who would actually picture having sex porn actresses _while they were having sex with their girlfriends or fiances_. They often complained that their real sex lives didn’t stack up to what they fantasized about - all brought on by porn. But the best relationships (in bed) I’ve ever had were with guys who looked at porn when they “came of age”, but found it fake and stopped in high school. Their senses aren’t dulled, they don’t have bizarre expectations, and they love to satisfy their desires with 1) me and 2) on their own, but very rarely. > [@Duke](#): > > I had an inkling my ex-wife was not going to set the bedroom on fire when she mentioned in passing that she admired medieval saints for their “bodily control.” I’m sorry to be laughing at your expense, **Duke** , but it _does_ sound ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-red-flags-that-your-potential-partner-will-be-inhibited-in-the-sack/523726/124 "2010-01-08T21:35:15Z")
Sorry for the missed edit window, but JESUS I didn’t read the _entire_ thread till just now… Looks like my post is more relevant to the _start_ of the thread. Carry on… ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-red-flags-that-your-potential-partner-will-be-inhibited-in-the-sack/523726/125 "2010-01-09T02:49:56Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > I’d wager that way more women would rather be with a guy who had exceptional oral technique and average intercourse abilities than vice-versa. I know this is probably true, but as one of those vice-versa girls, I just cannot fathom it. It doesn’t compute at any level. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-red-flags-that-your-potential-partner-will-be-inhibited-in-the-sack/523726/126 "2010-01-09T05:32:34Z")
> [@kingbighair](#): > > This is not meant to be shocking and I apologize for any offense - if she was raped. Sometimes the experience is very hard to get over. Or any sexual abuse from family members. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-red-flags-that-your-potential-partner-will-be-inhibited-in-the-sack/523726.md?page=6)