# What are some things you could do with a cucumber? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 11, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379 "2003-02-11T17:12:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/1 "2003-02-11T17:12:01Z")
ummmm Well let’s see…You could carve out the inside and make a canoe out of it. Any other suggestions? ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/2 "2003-02-11T17:16:05Z")
Aside from the obvious, \ you could string them together for an interesting Christmas tree decoration. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/3 "2003-02-11T17:17:52Z")
You could leave it in a bag in the crisper drawer until it goes bad. * * * When life hands you cucumbers, make pickles. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/4 "2003-02-11T17:22:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ruby \* > \*\*Aside from the obvious, \ you could string them together for an interesting Christmas tree decoration. \*\* Obvious? ---
**Author:** ![H8\_2\_W8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c77e96/32.png) [@H8\_2\_W8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H8_2_W8)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/5 "2003-02-11T17:32:27Z")
You could take it with you to the ER. A former ER nurse I know tells the story of a man who came in on a busy night with a cucumber lodged in a cavity, so with as much of a straight face as she could muster, she had him disrobe and the doctor prescribed a muscle relaxant. She pulled the curtain closed as she left and he fell asleep and she forgot about him for several hours. When she went to check on him, he was still asleep but his ass had managed to shoot out the cuke (she said it was about 8-10 inches away from his ass when she woke him). ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/6 "2003-02-11T17:41:13Z")
You could slice it really thin, add some vinegar, dill and a bit of sugar and have a nice cucumber salad. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/7 "2003-02-11T17:48:06Z")
Not after it’s been in some guy’s ass, though. ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/8 "2003-02-11T18:39:40Z")
Would it be good if sliced and dipped in batter and baked? I do that with eggplant and it’s pretty darn good. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/9 "2003-02-11T18:46:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by H8\_2\_W8 \* > \*\*You could take it with you to the ER. > > A former ER nurse I know tells the story of a man who came in on a busy night with a cucumber lodged in a cavity, so with as much of a straight face as she could muster, she had him disrobe and the doctor prescribed a muscle relaxant. She pulled the curtain closed as she left and he fell asleep and she forgot about him for several hours. When she went to check on him, he was still asleep but his ass had managed to shoot out the cuke (she said it was about 8-10 inches away from his ass when she woke him). \*\* That story made me bust out laughing!😃 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/10 "2003-02-11T18:49:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Winston\_Smith \* > \*\*You could leave it in a bag in the crisper drawer until it goes bad. \*\* Doggone, are you me??? I just tossed 2 cukes last week. Them things get mushy and disgusting. My mom had her own catering business - she used to carve animals from raw veggies to decorate the buffet. I’ll have to ask her if she ever made cuke critters. ---
**Author:** ![Broodha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@Broodha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broodha)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/11 "2003-02-11T18:53:06Z")
I make a great cucumber salad with a yogurt dill dressing with a little vinegar, lemon juice, garlic, and onion. It’s really creamy and juicy and delicious. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/12 "2003-02-11T18:53:30Z")
You could put little fins on it and use it as a toy rocket. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/13 "2003-02-11T19:14:38Z")
The “rude” use is probably the only thing they are good for! They are as a vegitable a complete waste of Cellulose. The only other use is to cut slices and place other your eyes for a cooling effect. Cheers, Bippy ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/14 "2003-02-11T19:24:34Z")
I’d suggest pickling it and thus rendering it edible. ---
**Author:** ![NailBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NailBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NailBunny)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/15 "2003-02-11T20:12:56Z")
Well duh, you could do the only thing I would even _remotely_ consider doing with one of those nasty things: make tzatziki!!! Peel the cucumber and grate about 3/4 of it into a carton of Nancy’s non-fat plain yogurt. Crush about seven cloves of garlic into it, drizzle a little olive oil, and throw in some salt and pepper, and even a bit of dill if you like. Let it sit for at least 1/2 an hour, and then eat it with pita, falafel, gyros, chips, veggies, french fries, whatever you like. It’s the only way I’ll eat cucumber. Then, let the last 1/4 of the thing rot in the fridge. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/16 "2003-02-11T20:36:43Z")
slice it into matchstik shaped bits, batter and deep fry. yummy. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/17 "2003-02-11T21:36:07Z")
Fill a bushel basket with 'em and launch from your trebuchet. WHEEEEEE! * * * You just THOUGHT you had sigs turned off. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/18 "2003-02-11T22:36:30Z")
Cucumber slices on your eyes will make swelling go down. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Griffin)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/19 "2003-02-11T22:44:30Z")
Use it as a dildo. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379/20 "2003-02-11T22:49:29Z")
Oh —the wonders of the cucumber! Why I have spent an entire afternoon on an Indian Train reflecting on the beauty that is the cucumber. Indian trail stations are hot, dusty, dirty places, which makes the available food, well, less than appetizing. And yet the Indian train passenger needs something refreshing, what to do? Wait for the cucumber vendor, he keeps them on ice so they are lovely and chill. Peel them yourself so they’re safe to eat. A little salt and it’s just heaven. I’ve always enjoyed cucumbers but don’t think I truly appreciated them until that afternoon train ride out of Delhi. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-some-things-you-could-do-with-a-cucumber/154379.md?page=2)