# What are the clues a person is probably a good lover? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2004, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904 "2004-04-02T15:38:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/1 "2004-04-02T15:38:56Z")
I think getting an aswer to this question might save everybody some time. Just the other day I was thinking about all the women I’ve ever dated, and realized I enjoyed being with the two who were bisexual the most. The reason for this, I think, is because they were the most experienced and relaxed about sex in general. They were openminded, willing to try most things, and generous in bed. But can these traits be applied to other bisexual women, or was I just lucky? I’m interested in hearing answers to this from both women and men, from any perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/2 "2004-04-02T16:36:57Z")
Goat meat on the chin. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/3 "2004-04-02T18:05:45Z")
I agree… bisexual girls _are_ better in bed. Even if you don’t pull off the threesome, in fact… ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/4 "2004-04-02T18:11:22Z")
I’m not bisexual and I’m excellent in bed–if I do say so myself. 😃 I think personality tells a lot. The best lovers I’ve had have been kind, considerate men who listen when I talk. That tells me that they probably care about pleasing me. I’ve also been with cocky, sexy-looking men who didn’t do a thing right in bed. They were so concerned about their own pleasure that I never got mine. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/5 "2004-04-02T18:32:24Z")
It is _all about the kiss._ After much field research, I have found that the way a person kisses directly correlates to what kind of lover they are. Rushed? Methodical? Passionate? Clueless? (Unfortunately, too many in that category) Thorough? A combination of the above…mmm…toe curling. Made it very easy to decide, early on, just how far things would be going with that person. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/6 "2004-04-02T18:44:24Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > It is _all about the kiss._ What she said. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/7 "2004-04-02T18:50:25Z")
Straight male here - IMHO, _generosity_ is the best indicator. Is this women, in general, a generous person, or selfish? The selfish make bad lovers - they expect you to provide them with pleasure, and don’t care to reciprocate. To be fair, the women I have been with have generally been of the opinion that men are more likely to be selfish in this way than women - but I have known selfish women, too; I think its a wash. Everything else can either be learned or is a function of attraction. But if someone is selfish, that is just the way they are and there is no changing it. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/8 "2004-04-02T19:01:12Z")
In speaking with my friends about this (both male and female), we all agree that the better a person is at dancing the better they are in bed. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/9 "2004-04-02T19:03:56Z")
It’s the twinkle in the eye that gives them away 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/10 "2004-04-02T19:10:25Z")
There is no such thing as a person who is a good kisser, but a bad lover. Especially if he runs his fingers through your hair and kind of massages the back of your head during the kiss _pant_ ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/11 "2004-04-02T19:19:56Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > There is no such thing as a person who is a good kisser, but a bad lover. Sure there is! Just like there are instances of really bad dancers who are awesome in bed. I also slept with a guy who was both a really good dancer and a really good kisser, but was a total disappointment in the bedroom. ---
**Author:** ![DreadLead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@DreadLead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadLead)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/12 "2004-04-02T19:27:24Z")
I agree with the kissing and the dancing…to a point, I’ve known some ok kissers who were great in bed I also agree with the Bi-sexual part…even more. The best partners were ALWAYS bi…less inhibited, more comfortable than straight women… I also think alot depends on your own attitude…just my cents ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/13 "2004-04-02T20:26:18Z")
His name is **js\_africanus** and he lives in rural Michigan. Too obvious? My apologies. Girls who smoke are dirtier. I’ve heard this anecdotially. Also, a social psych. prof I once had told us about taking the data of two surveys and combining them. Apparently there is a way to do this so that ordinal rankings of preferences from two surveys can be put together without losing validity. I have no idea how to do it. Anyway, people who smoke are more adventurous in bed, according to his results. ---
**Author:** ![trupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@trupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trupa)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/14 "2004-04-02T21:27:11Z")
Based on a limited sample set, I have found that women who enjoy food, who appreciate flavors & textures, are very “promising”. Conversely, I would be more weary of “frustrated salad pickers”. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/15 "2004-04-02T21:57:09Z")
To tell if a guy is a good lover, check his sig. If it’s both suggestive and self-promotional, odds are he’s smokin’ hot in the bedroom. For women, in my (limited) experience, the best indicator is self-confidence. Insecure women, no matter how physically attractive, are generally bad lovers. Women who are comfortable with how they look tend to be the most fun in the sack. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/16 "2004-04-02T22:26:34Z")
People who are fun and giving tend to be fun and giving in most aspects of their life. A large portion of any sexual attraction I’ve had for a woman is her spirit, a certain playfulness that suggests any number of wonderful things. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/17 "2004-04-02T23:21:56Z")
> [@js\_africanus](#): > > His name is **js\_africanus** and he lives in rural Michigan. You misspelled “Cervaise” and “Seattle.” [/quote] _Too obvious? My apologies._ [/quote] Nope, just needed to clear up a couple of typos. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/18 "2004-04-02T23:27:51Z")
Now, now, you guys; the _best_ sign is if he’s six inches long and furry with a long snout and bristly tail. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/19 "2004-04-03T00:11:11Z")
The best indicator I’ve ever found is a sense of humor. I think a sense of humor is essential to good sexual function. BTW, hubby has a good sense of humor, is a _dreadful_ dancer, but great in bed! (Of course, he’s had some training. . . 😉 ). ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904/20 "2004-04-03T01:39:01Z")
Hey **js\_africanus** how you doin’? 😉 I sorta agree about the smoking correlation, if nothing else it indicates an oral fixation, eh? Why would anyone really want a secret code telling them if someone’s a good lover or not, anyway? For one thing, toe-curling fabulous for me might be skeevy and weird for you, and I’d prefer the fun of discovery rather than trying to sneakily analyze clues beforehand. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-clues-a-person-is-probably-a-good-lover/237904.md?page=2)