# What are the craziest or stupidest job-related classified ads you've seen? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 23, 2007, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292 "2007-05-23T23:44:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2007, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/1 "2007-05-23T23:44:40Z")
A spinoff of [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=8605961#post8605961) - what are the stupidest, most insulting, craziest, weirdest, or just plain dumbest job classifieds you’ve seen? I mentioned mine in that thread - it was an advertisement for (example; may not be the actual place) Merrill-Lynch, and it read: “Must have extensive experience with LynchWorks™ accounting software.” It was clearly their own in-house proprietary software - you’d have to already be working there to know that software! (someone explained that it was probably just a formality and that it was for an internal promotion, but it’s still stupid to read something like that in the paper!) Another one, which is really more of a _category_ of clueless employer ads, was looking for someone to be an office manager for an office of 30 people, do payroll, scheduling, accounting, and purchasing, do fundraising and accounting of donations, and to design and maintain a new website for the company. That’s at least three or four seperate jobs, but the kicker is, you guessed it - “compensation is between $9 and $12/hr depending on experience.” :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/2 "2007-05-24T00:47:13Z")
I used to see one in the Boulder Camera, and wished I had applied just to check it out- the last line of the job description was “must love the dog.” Sounded like a cool office to me! ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/3 "2007-05-24T02:46:51Z")
A few years ago there used to be a classified ad that appeared every week in the “Sales Help Wanted” section of my local newspaper. I can’t remember it verbatim, but it was something like this: **WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR SOME WILD & CRAZY GUYS ‘N’ GALS!!! Oh yeah, girls just wanna have fun, and guys do too, so come have fun while earning a boodle of moolah!!!** The ad went on and on about fun and craziness and rock ‘n’ roll, but never said anything about what the job consisted of, or what kind of experience was required. A friend of mine, out of curiosity, called the phone number at the bottom of the ad and made an appointment for an interview (like the ad, the guy who answered the phone wouldn’t say boo about the job itself). My friend went to the interview. The wild & crazy job consisted of telephone soliciting, trying to sell grotesquely overpriced light bulbs to senior citizens. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/4 "2007-05-24T05:04:13Z")
[QUOTE=pinkfreud] **WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR SOME WILD & CRAZY GUYS ‘N’ GALS!!! Oh yeah, girls just wanna have fun, and guys do too, so come have fun while earning a boodle of moolah!!!** The ad went on and on about fun and craziness and rock ‘n’ roll, but never said anything about what the job consisted of, or what kind of experience was required. A friend of mine, out of curiosity, called the phone number at the bottom of the ad and made an appointment for an interview (like the ad, the guy who answered the phone wouldn’t say boo about the job itself). [/QUOTE] Sounds like my experience. Turns out the job was selling cheap-ass crap to people on the street. Literally, standing on the street, selling radios and shit to passersby. I said no. Joe ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/5 "2007-05-24T11:35:39Z")
I once saw a classified ad for a graphic designer, that took up almost three entire newspaper columns. They described the job in elaborate detail, including descriptions of every little task the person was responsible for. For example, instead of simply saying “Must know Photoshop,” they described all the tools and menus and file options, plus all the procedures the person needed to perform, like opening and saving files. They also described, in detail, the company’s dress code and holidays observed. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/6 "2007-05-24T11:50:26Z")
[QUOTE=pinkfreud] A few years ago there used to be a classified ad that appeared every week in the “Sales Help Wanted” section of my local newspaper. I can’t remember it verbatim, but it was something like this: **WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR SOME WILD & CRAZY GUYS ‘N’ GALS!!! Oh yeah, girls just wanna have fun, and guys do too, so come have fun while earning a boodle of moolah!!!** The ad went on and on about fun and craziness and rock ‘n’ roll, but never said anything about what the job consisted of, or what kind of experience was required. A friend of mine, out of curiosity, called the phone number at the bottom of the ad and made an appointment for an interview (like the ad, the guy who answered the phone wouldn’t say boo about the job itself). My friend went to the interview. The wild & crazy job consisted of telephone soliciting, trying to sell grotesquely overpriced light bulbs to senior citizens. [/QUOTE] From my own experience these jobs are either a) Telemarketing as you said, b) Door-to-Door sales or c) Standing in a mall, harassing people as they walk past. There’s been a lot of 'em in our papers of late. ---
**Author:** ![Zambini57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4491bb/32.png) [@Zambini57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zambini57)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/7 "2007-05-24T11:54:38Z")
I saw an ad once for some type of warehouse work. The ad said “Help wanted. Don’t bother calling if you are stupid, lazy and don’t want to work.” Sounded like a real fun place. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/8 "2007-05-24T13:55:39Z")
There’s the ones mentioned in that thread, but I’d also like to present with a 5-potato-award those people: - who don’t include any kind of contact information, - and/or whose corporate webpage doesn’t get past the flash intro. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/9 "2007-05-24T14:31:48Z")
[QUOTE=panache45] I once saw a classified ad for a graphic designer, that took up almost three entire newspaper columns. They described the job in elaborate detail, including descriptions of every little task the person was responsible for. For example, instead of simply saying “Must know Photoshop,” they described all the tools and menus and file options, plus all the procedures the person needed to perform, like opening and saving files. They also described, in detail, the company’s dress code and holidays observed. [/QUOTE] I used to sell classified ads. This type of employment ad was usually driven by some type of legal problem. I once had one (not quite as long as yours) for the tasks required of a cook at a Chinese restaurant. We also had one describing in detail what was involved in picking crabmeat from 6am-3:30pm all summer long in a chilled warehouse. I think that was advertised to demonstrate their need to hire immigrant labor. The ones with no contact information typically mean some classified advertising salesperson is going to get chewed out big time. And rightly so. But it’s an easy mistake to make in the beginning when a customer reads you the text and doesn’t include any contact info, assuming you’ll use the billing address or whatever they were assuming. My best blooper was a large ad that ran for Pizza Hut, hiring Divers. For that new, underwater pizza delivery available in coastal areas. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/10 "2007-05-24T16:02:49Z")
It wasn’t a classified ad, but it was through a headhunter. A company was looking for someone to spend 90% of the job answering phones and calming irate customers. The other 10% was writing SQL queries. But here was the catch – whoever took the job couldn’t be too “into” programming. They had to be an expert, of course, but couldn’t have very much interest in it. Oh, and it paid a whopping $40k. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/11 "2007-05-24T16:04:36Z")
I was a web developer back in the day (translation: 8 years ago). I remember some coworkers and I giggling over an ad that required candidates to have 7 years of experience with Javascript in 1998. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/12 "2007-05-24T16:08:37Z")
In the Red Deer, AB classifieds a few months ago: ‘Experienced Industrial Oilfield Painter Endura, airless, must be sober most of the time. Free beer on Fridays. Call XXX-XXXX’ ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/13 "2007-05-24T16:09:19Z")
[QUOTE=Zambini57] I saw an ad once for some type of warehouse work. The ad said “Help wanted. Don’t bother calling if you are stupid, lazy and don’t want to work.” Sounded like a real fun place. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] Well, on the bright side, they were honest. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/14 "2007-05-24T16:14:40Z")
[QUOTE=pinkfreud] A few years ago there used to be a classified ad that appeared every week in the “Sales Help Wanted” section of my local newspaper. I can’t remember it verbatim, but it was something like this: **WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR SOME WILD & CRAZY GUYS ‘N’ GALS!!! Oh yeah, girls just wanna have fun, and guys do too, so come have fun while earning a boodle of moolah!!!** The ad went on and on about fun and craziness and rock ‘n’ roll, but never said anything about what the job consisted of, or what kind of experience was required. A friend of mine, out of curiosity, called the phone number at the bottom of the ad and made an appointment for an interview (like the ad, the guy who answered the phone wouldn’t say boo about the job itself). My friend went to the interview. The wild & crazy job consisted of telephone soliciting, trying to sell grotesquely overpriced light bulbs to senior citizens. [/QUOTE] I think it’s pretty safe to say that the less they tell you about the actual job, the less likely that you really want it. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2007, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/15 "2007-05-25T16:10:22Z")
When I was looking for a job as a librarian, there was one in one of our poorer, more middle-of-nowhere counties. It had the normal requirements (ALA-accredited masters’ degree) and the job duties were something like - adult and children’s programming, acquisitions, processing, cataloging, administration, volunteer management, etc. Basically they wanted you to run the whole library, in exchange for which I suppose there was perhaps a cot in the back for the five minutes out of every 24 hours you weren’t working. Salary? $21,000. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/16 "2007-05-25T16:32:55Z")
“must be willing to travel in small, single engine bush plane, skidoo, kayak/canoe, dog-sled and walk in snowshoes over treacherous terrain and sub-zero temps to remote Northern Communities”. For a school administrative position for Frontier School Division (Northern Manitoba) ---
**Author:** ![AHoosierMama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/258eb7/32.png) [@AHoosierMama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHoosierMama)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2007, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/17 "2007-05-25T19:18:37Z")
Job for a landscaping postion at a local touristy historic site wanted someone with a Masters in Botany or Horticulture and paid $14k. ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Jaguar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jet_jaguar/32/3562_2.png) [@Jet\_Jaguar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Jaguar)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2007, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/18 "2007-05-25T23:09:56Z")
[QUOTE=Poysyn] “must be willing to travel in small, single engine bush plane, skidoo, kayak/canoe, dog-sled and walk in snowshoes over treacherous terrain and sub-zero temps to remote Northern Communities”. For a school administrative position for Frontier School Division (Northern Manitoba) [/QUOTE] Sounds like the job my cousin has, principal at a school in a remote access community in Northern Ontario. I always wanted to try to ride there by motorcycle, the challenge being there’s no direct overland route in the summer. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2007, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/19 "2007-05-25T23:38:59Z")
Perhaps not precisely on point are job titles that don’t give you a clue of the nature of the work. When Mr. brown is looking for a job, I do the searches because I have more patience. He does AutoCAD and Archibus for facilities for biotechs, and using these words for search terms brings up some doozies. Facilities Coordinator = receptionist Engineering Technician = AutoCAD operator Implementations Project Manager = AutoCAD facilities operator and Archibus operator Etc., etc. Who invents this crap? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2007, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292/20 "2007-05-26T00:44:31Z")
[QUOTE=AHoosierMama] Job for a landscaping postion at a local touristy historic site wanted someone with a Masters in Botany or Horticulture and paid $14k. [/QUOTE] I’ll never understand b.s. like that, or how many employers seem to think they can expect people with advanced degrees to work for less than $30k. I mean, did this “historic site” seriously think someone needed a Master’s to do _landscaping?_ Whom did they eventually hire, I wonder? Did anyone with acollege degree of any kind even apply? And it’s not like I think having a college degree is a license to turn one’s nose up at lower-paying work–how is one supposed to pay back $50,000 in college loans at a job that pays half as much as that? [Quote=Originally Posted by Poysyn] “must be willing to travel in small, single engine bush plane, skidoo, kayak/canoe, dog-sled and walk in snowshoes over treacherous terrain and sub-zero temps to remote Northern Communities”. For a school administrative position for Frontier School Division (Northern Manitoba) [/quote] I’ll bet this would actually be pretty effin’ cool . . . for a year or two. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-craziest-or-stupidest-job-related-classified-ads-youve-seen/405292.md?page=2)