# What are the hallmarks of a good man? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 29, 2013, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806 "2013-07-29T12:13:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dave\_Hartwick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/21 "2013-07-30T00:54:55Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Kindness. Kindness results from a combination of empathy, morals, and the energy to act. There are great many people who have all of the qualities described above, and spend their lives sitting around thinking about the right things, and identifying with characters who are good or heroic; but without corresponding action this time is wasted and the person is thinking good but not being good. Almost all the “nice guys” as defined above who I have known fell into this category. I’d be interested to know if that rings true as you look back on that period in your life. I’m not sure. I know I thought of myself as good-hearted and put upon as a boy. As an adult I was talking to a woman I grew up with and she said I was a mean little kid. I denied it, she had examples, I had to concede the point. I thought of myself as a sensitive person. The only person I was sensitive about was myself. So, genetic supermen, rivers, and typhoons aside, looks like my original definition was OK. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/22 "2013-07-30T01:31:25Z")
I ran into a good man today. Staggered sun blind into a gas station to get Gatorade and chips for an outing, and the kid working behind the counter yelled out “Hey Sugar, how you today?” I blinked and looked around to see who he was addressing, it was me?? He looked like a 23 year old Lyle Lovett, all craggy faced and lanky but grinning and fun and sweet as pie. My sister slammed through the door next, got the same welcome. We were grinning back, all happy and goofy at this friendly kid’s awesome attitude. Next customer was also female, little older than us maybe, he called her sweetheart. Kept up the chatter while we shopped, asked what we were doing today, said sounds like fun, etc. Flirty as all hell but not even a little serious because sis and I are twice his age, and his cute blond girlfriend was hanging out by the counter rolling her eyes and smiling at his enthusiasm. I said “Is he always like this?” And girlfriend said yeah, totally full of shit. He was, too, but we were eating it up. I don’t know what he’s like outside of work, but in that environment he was as awesome and fun and friendly as any man I’ve ever encountered and were I 25 I’d be jealous of his cute girlfriend. He wasn’t pretty, he wasn’t muscular, he didn’t have a great job or anything at all superficially attractive to note. There wasn’t anything at all sleazy or cheesy or serious about his flirty attitude, it was all light hearted, innocent charm. But he was awesome, and spread the happy all over the place. Generous with nice words and happy sounds. That was a Good Man. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/23 "2013-07-30T02:06:17Z")
To me it involves around strength as that remains (to me) the most admirable trait in a man. Lack of strength nowadays focuses on the emotional and intellectual kind. So a weak man can be discerned by his lack of discipline, courage, loyalty, focus, independence, and sincerity. ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/24 "2013-07-30T05:11:58Z")
Got here late, and the following said it as good (probably better) as I ever could have. 🆒 > [@DrFidelius](#): > > A good would be ashamed should his deeds not match his words. A good man shows respect to all, even those of no use to him. A good man tries his best to protect and provide for his family and community. A good man aims to make the world a better place through his actions. > [@shiftless](#): > > Can’t remember where I heard it, but I have taken this to heart: > > “You can judge a man by the way he treats people who can’t do him any good.” > [@TriPolar](#): > > Similar to that I say pay attention to the way a man (or woman) treats waitstaff, store clerks, and other people who are open to abuse. Someone who takes advantage of the disproportionate power could do that in any situation where they have they have that power. > > I’d say a good man (or woman) overall does more good than harm in the course of their lives. ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/25 "2013-07-30T06:10:34Z")
Well, what does the world need? It needs direction. A man will give the world direction. A good man will deliver the message of direction in a welcome way- it will be like a song or some kind of art, and the man may not get noticed so much but the world will follow the direction, and so that man will be successfully good, if he happened to also be apt enough as a philosopher or holy man before he decided on which direction(s) to promote. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/26 "2013-07-30T06:53:08Z")
I don’t know if I qualify as a “good man”, fuck, I’m about to talk about myself in a discussion of goodness, that disqualifies me right of the bat, but I’ve noticed that when people say “oh my god you’re so nice!” or “you’re such a great person” to me it’s always with really weird and innocuous stuff. Like, there are some streets around here that have no drainage and are made in such a way that huge pools of water collect during the rainy season. So I was complaining to my friend about the lack of drainage and how I always have to slow down to avoid soaking pedestrians on the sidewalk because of it. Well, apparently “slowing down so I don’t splash pedestrians” is some sort of Big Deal, because as soon as I said that it was “oh, wow, you’re so nice! That’s so considerate! I always bring a change of clothes for when there might be puddles just in case I have to walking down one of those roads and get splashed.” My reaction was mostly one of complete bafflement that people **don’t** try and not splash people. Avoiding soaking people i just, like… a thing you do. To me it’s more like the bare minimum requirement of “not being a dick” more than “being a good person”. Again, I’m not sure if I really qualify as a “good man”, but I’ve noticed that when people **comment** on my supposed good deeds\* it’s usually silly stuff like picking up trash without being asked, not splashing people on the street, and other weird innocuous stuff like that. So if that’s any indication you’ll probably get the “haven’t murdered a kindergartner” award any day now and everything will be hunky-dory. It may not actually make you a good person, but it seems that doing/not doing that sort of stuff is sufficient to be perceived as one. - I don’t mean to make it sound like people sing my praises night and day, I just mean on the rare occasion when it comes up. ---
**Author:** ![tellyworth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@tellyworth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tellyworth)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/27 "2013-07-30T09:38:53Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > is taller than average; has a full head of hair and symetrical features. Short, bald, lopsided guys are off the hook then? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/28 "2013-07-30T12:25:39Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > Can’t remember where I heard it, but I have taken this to heart: > > “You can judge a man by the way he treats people who can’t do him any good.” Agreed. A good person keeps his(her) word. A good person makes others’ lives easier. You know how there’s bosses, coworkers, or relatives that when you see them you think “oh shit” and others that you know, if they’re in on this it’s going to work out well? The second group. A petty person uses any power they have to make life hard for others. A good person… slows down to avoid soaking pedestrians 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/29 "2013-07-30T13:11:57Z")
Mercy is the mark of a great man _[stab]_ Guess I’m just a good man _[stab]_ Well, I’m all right. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/30 "2013-07-30T13:55:36Z")
Takes responsibility for his actions. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/31 "2013-07-30T15:39:40Z")
“If” by Rudyard Kipling > [@](#): > > If you can keep your head when all about you > Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, > If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, > But make allowance for their doubting too; > If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, > Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, > Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, > And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: > > If you can dream—and not make dreams your master; > If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; > If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster > And treat those two impostors just the same; > If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken > Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, > Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, > And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: > > If you can make one heap of all your winnings > And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, > And lose, and start again at your beginnings > And never breathe a word about your loss; > If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew > To serve your turn long after they are gone, > And so hold on when there is nothing in you > Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!” > > If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, > Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, > If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, > If all men count with you, but none too much; > If you can fill the unforgiving minute > With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, > Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, > And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son! ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/32 "2013-07-30T17:25:36Z")
> [@bump](#): > > It may sound weird, but in my experience, it’s men who pay more than lip service to the traditional martial virtues that are considered “good”. Granted, the virtues are gentled and adapted to non-military ends, but they’re the same ones that have been valued by warrior cultures for thousands of years. You beat me to it. During my master’s training, I had to do a lot of reading on a variety of topics in the martial arts. One of the common themes was how important it is, and how difficult it is, to lead a warrior’s lifestyle in modern society. Courtesy, respect, loyalty, honor, integrity, perseverance, self-control: a man who leads a life built around attributes like these is a good man. ---
**Author:** ![Zyanthia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Zyanthia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyanthia)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/33 "2013-07-30T17:40:14Z")
Life might never fair, but a good man always is. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/34 "2013-07-30T19:10:01Z")
“I would not have you be fighters, of whom there are many. But gentlemen, of whom there are few.” - my sensei A good man has integrity. He has honor. He has the strength which need not be feared, except by those who have neither integrity nor honor. He keeps his word, he does his duty. And sometimes, he puts the women and children behind him, and dies first. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/35 "2013-07-30T19:35:16Z")
A good man says what he means and his actions reflect what he says. You know where you stand with a good man and he doesn’t hold a grudge against people who honestly try and get back into good standing with him. If someone is belittling someone else or making racist remarks a good man will call them out on it, even it doesn’t make him popular at the time. If someone drops cash on the ground and walks away without noticing it a good man will attempt to retrieve it and return it to the person. He basically just follows the Golden Rule and doesn’t attempt to make a show of it. You may not know him when you meet him, but you will remember him later. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806/36 "2013-07-30T21:12:19Z")
Well he’s not the man you thought he was, at least according to a gazillion Facebook women who thought he was a good man who was smart, funny and loved their kids like his own, but ultimately discovered that he was a low down lyin’ skunk who would make out with their BFF if he had too much to drink. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-man/664806.md?page=1)