# What are the pros and cons of accepting a "friend request" on internet forums? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [November 3, 2016, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543 "2016-11-03T17:18:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2016, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/1 "2016-11-03T17:18:53Z")
Generally-speaking, in order to communicate between forum members/mods, members can post messages and send PMs. When members login, they accept cookies from a website which allows two-way traffic. Cookies also allow ads and searches. My question is how does a “friend” acceptance cookie, or permissions change, alter the usual relationship/communications between two member’s PCs, or between a member’s PC and the internet website’s server/PC? Please be as specific as possible. Thanks in advance. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2016, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/2 "2016-11-03T17:33:48Z")
Don’t need answer fast. ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2016, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/3 "2016-11-03T17:48:26Z")
First off, a few points to clear up: In any internet forum or social media I can think of, there will be no direct communications between member PCs. (I’m excluding peer to peer file sharing from this.) Both members will communicate with the server only, and it relays their data back and forth. In almost all cases, there will not be any new cookie or change to a cookie for accepting a friend request. Your cookie will contain info by which the website server recognizes you as **doorhinge** , allowing it to access its friends list and find out, “Hey, **doorhinge** is friends with **Vinyl Turnip** ” (for example…) The question of “How does the friend acceptance alter the usual relationship/communications between the member’s PC and the internet website’s server” is the hardest part of this to answer specifically, because it entirely depends on how the internet forum is programmed to process these friendships. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2016, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/4 "2016-11-03T17:54:52Z")
I’m wondering more generally what’s the point of these friendship requests, and do they change _anything at all_? Why do people send them? I’ve gotten a few friendship requests over the years but have never accepted any, mostly because I have no idea what it means (and partially because most of these people were not those I had any particular connection to and they seemed to be sending the requests as part of a general proclivity to send such requests to any and all). ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2016, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/5 "2016-11-03T18:13:40Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I’m wondering more generally what’s the point of these friendship requests, and do they change _anything at all_? Why do people send them? > > I’ve gotten a few friendship requests over the years but have never accepted any, mostly because I have no idea what it means (and partially because most of these people were not those I had any particular connection to and they seemed to be sending the requests as part of a general proclivity to send such requests to any and all). Hmm… I wonder if they started popping up everywhere else if Facebook became a big thing. People wanted ‘friend requests’ everywhere and forum providers, without getting any clearer scope, implemented the basics of making a friend request, accepting a friend request, remembering friend lists etc, and left it at that. ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2016, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/6 "2016-11-03T18:18:14Z")
> [@chrisk](#): > > First off, a few points to clear up: > > In any internet forum or social media I can think of, there will be no direct communications between member PCs. (I’m excluding peer to peer file sharing from this.) Both members will communicate with the server only, and it relays their data back and forth. > > In almost all cases, there will not be any new cookie or change to a cookie for accepting a friend request. Your cookie will contain info by which the website server recognizes you as **doorhinge** , allowing it to access its friends list and find out, “Hey, **doorhinge** is friends with **Vinyl Turnip** ” (for example…) > > The question of “How does the friend acceptance alter the usual relationship/communications between the member’s PC and the internet website’s server” is the hardest part of this to answer specifically, because it entirely depends on how the internet forum is programmed to process these friendships. Thanks for the response. Using the SDMB as the example, I can send/receive PMs to/from other members, and I can participate in threads. In addition to these, the SDMB offers a “friend” option which each member can accept or refuse on an individual basis. I assume that the “friend” option changes some interaction(s), or there would be no reason for even having the option. I’ve never delved into the inner workings of these “friend” options but my having a choice of red or red really isn’t a choice. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2016, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/7 "2016-11-03T18:20:13Z")
I send out friend requests now & then when I see a post I like but don’t have anything to say about it in public. it’s a way of saying “hey” people either accept my request and then nothing happens OR they do not accept and then nothing happens so, try not to worry 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2016, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/8 "2016-11-03T18:25:48Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I’m wondering more generally what’s the point of these friendship requests, and do they change _anything at all_? Why do people send them? > > I’ve gotten a few friendship requests over the years but have never accepted any, mostly because I have no idea what it means (and partially because most of these people were not those I had any particular connection to and they seemed to be sending the requests as part of a general proclivity to send such requests to any and all). On this board, they mean very little. You can restrict your account to only accept PMs from friends (well contacts but friends are a subset of contacts). On other boards, depending on what they have enabled, friends can be used to restrict who can view your blog, if that’s something the board has, alert you if your friends are online, or even restrict the ability to view threads you create. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2016, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/9 "2016-11-04T15:55:54Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I’m wondering more generally what’s the point of these friendship requests, and do they change _anything at all_? Why do people send them? I periodically/randomly show up at the homes of people who have accepted my friend requests here. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2016, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/10 "2016-11-05T06:11:35Z")
Friend requests may lead to sexual favors. Or am I thinking of Friend with Benefits requests? ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2016, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/11 "2016-11-05T13:52:48Z")
> [@](#): > > I periodically/randomly show up at the homes of people who have accepted my friend requests here. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2016, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/12 "2016-11-05T13:56:45Z")
Yep, Jackie can vouch for me!! ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2016, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/13 "2016-11-06T23:05:54Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I periodically/randomly show up at the homes of people who have accepted my friend requests here. Yeah, and I can’t believe you took my dog with you when you left, ya bastard. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2016, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/14 "2016-11-08T23:03:27Z")
I’m pretty sure it obligates you to participate in the shot-glass exchange. ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2016, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-accepting-a-friend-request-on-internet-forums/770543/15 "2016-11-09T18:41:12Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > I’m pretty sure it obligates you to participate in the shot-glass exchange. Goddamnit, screwed it up. I got a friend request and participated in the shot-glas _sexchange_. Damn these titties.