# What are the waiters secretly calling you on the receipt?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 10, 2012, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641 "2012-12-10T21:31:33Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/1 "2012-12-10T21:31:33Z")
Inspired by [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=675080) thread.
I’m sure the waitstaff are doing this sort of thing all the time but not getting caught usually and the descriptions not always being unflattering but merely descriptive.
So what do you think is your most discernible feature from a minute-ish interaction? Not necessarily physical, could be your voice, behavioral quirk, stutter, etc.
For me probably, some variation of “Asian guy” since my non-majority ethnicity is most evident from a glance. Or maybe “angry chink”. “Gookie McEyebrows” perhaps? (I have thick eyebrows). I’m just going to assume it’s “Handsome Asian Gentleman who smells nice and is probably great in bed”.
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### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/2 "2012-12-10T21:32:16Z")
“Barry White.”
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### Author:  [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/3 "2012-12-10T21:33:45Z")
Wilford Brimley
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/4 "2012-12-10T21:33:50Z")
Hawaiian shirt guy
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### Author:  [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/5 "2012-12-10T21:38:59Z")
When I know to look for it, it’s often LH or LHAIR or something similar. I have a remarkable amount of hair.
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### Author:  [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/6 "2012-12-10T21:41:30Z")
Gimpy bald guy.
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### Author:  [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/7 "2012-12-10T22:05:13Z")
Loud redhead? More likely “loud redhead with comic book guy”.
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### Author:  [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/8 "2012-12-10T22:12:20Z")
I’m another LongHair. If I’m alone I’m usually reading, so I might be Bookworm or 4-eyes.
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### Author:  [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/9 "2012-12-10T22:13:16Z")
Most of the female waitresses put hearts on my receipt next to their name. That’s about it.
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### Author:  [@Disheavel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disheavel)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/10 "2012-12-10T22:23:19Z")
I actually got “FBI” put on a bar tab in NYC once- to their credit, I do often have people tell me I look like I am a cop, secret service, or security.
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### Author:  [@wheresmymind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wheresmymind)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/11 "2012-12-10T22:25:36Z")
I must be pretty average-looking, my descriptor is almost always along the lines of “blue shirt” or “striped polo.”
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### Author:  [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/12 "2012-12-10T23:05:14Z")
Only time I actually noticed this, it was something like “Cigar guy”, as I’d went out onto the back patio to smoke a cigar in the very light rain.
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### Author:  [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/13 "2012-12-10T23:13:21Z")
If I’m with my SO it might be “2 gay guys” except that wouldn’t distinguish us much from a lot of other parties.
On a business trip it would be “Loner with a book”. 'Cuz I eat by myself, and read.
Roddy
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### Author:  [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/14 "2012-12-10T23:22:10Z")
“Ugly dude with the escort.”
Because I’m a real ugly dude. And my woman is far to hot to be seen in public with an ugly like me unless I’m paying her.
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### Author:  [@qualityleashdog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qualityleashdog)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/15 "2012-12-10T23:36:05Z")
Picky bitch.
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/16 "2012-12-10T23:41:31Z")
Hot dad.
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### Author:  [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/17 "2012-12-10T23:54:34Z")
‘‘Nice lady.’’ I’m nice.
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### Author:  [@Mnemnosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnemnosyne)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/18 "2012-12-11T00:04:55Z")
Crouton Dude might fit in a lot of places. Cause I ask for a bowl of croutons. Just croutons. And eat them.
If not that, something related to my book. Or if I’m a regular, possibly ‘guy in blue’ because the vast majority of my wardrobe consists of dark blue shirts and pants. Not sure I have any other significantly identifying features.
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### Author:  [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/19 "2012-12-11T00:04:59Z")
“Glasses and beard”, probably.
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### Author:  [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-waiters-secretly-calling-you-on-the-receipt/643641/20 "2012-12-11T00:08:05Z")
Friendly redhead or possibly mom w/long haired kid
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