# What are the words to "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts." **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 3, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787 "2003-03-03T17:39:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RawkStah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@RawkStah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RawkStah)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/21 "2003-03-04T05:49:52Z")
For no reason, this song popped into my head the other day. Nice to see I’m not alone. One of my personal fav schoolyard songs is: Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord. He’s parked down on the corner in the green and yellow Ford. With one hand on the bottle and the other on the trottle, as the cops go whizzing by! ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/22 "2003-03-04T06:40:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scribble \* > You guys are all whacked in the head. The _real_ version (i.e., the one _I_ (fixed -Ed. 😃 ) learned–all others are lame imitations) is: > > Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts, > Mutilated monkey meat, > Little \*\*birdies’ bloody \*\* feet. > All these things are very, very good to eat, > But I forgot my spoon. You were so close Scribble. So close. I guess no one else heard the “bloody” feet version, though. ---
**Author:** ![Kakkerlak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bb73d2/32.png) [@Kakkerlak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kakkerlak)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/23 "2003-03-04T08:00:45Z")
I suppose I wasn’t listening well, because I heard: Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat chopped up little birdie feet. Ten big barrels of all-purpose porpoise pus [where did I get _that_?] and me, without my spoon. I suppose I just liked the alliterative properties of “all-purpose porpoise pus”, but maybe it was hard to hear in the bus. I once had a camper’s mother complain to the director that I had taught her little precious a ditty called “Dead Skunk In the Middle Of the Road”, though I think she was just jealous that her seven-year-old could now spell “olfactory”. ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/24 "2003-03-04T08:36:48Z")
And yet another version, from Oregon in the 1950s Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat **Vultures vomit at your feet** Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts Aw, shucks, I forgot my spoon ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/25 "2003-03-04T08:46:32Z")
From the Taiwan-based “colony” of Americans (AKA the Bilingual School): Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Chop chop birdy feet French-fried eyeballs swirlin’ in a pool of blood Mommy I forgot my spoon But I got my straw _SLURP_ Ahh! And, from the same source, we have this really long, ever-growing epic Chinese poem based on a roshambo chant, something about underwear and teachers and notebooks and such. **Petcat** , that was hilarious! _Writes **Petcat** ’s version down for future reference_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/26 "2003-03-04T09:17:14Z")
I read through them all & didn’t see my version, so here you go. Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey nuts Pasteurized panther puke French fried eyeballs, dressed in kerosene And me without my spoon (I’ve got a straw) Like \*\* Barrytown \*\* the “I’ve got a straw” part is sang to the tune of “…and many more” ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/27 "2003-03-04T12:40:32Z")
I heard it like this. Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Little bitty birdy feet Pails and pails of all purpose porpoise pus And I forgot my spoon (wait for it) But they sell straaaaaws ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/28 "2003-03-04T15:08:05Z")
The version I knew had a second verse: Great big globs of greasy grimey gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Little dirty birdie feet All these things are very very good to eat That’s what we had for lunch. For supper… Scab sandwiches with pus on top Donkey vomit and camel snot Eagle eyeballs drenched in blood And for dessert we had some mud. Crazy kids. Who the hell would eat mud for dessert? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/29 "2003-03-04T15:50:19Z")
In the great green globs of gishy gooey gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, fried up birdie feet, and all size cans of all purpose porpoise puss and me without my spoon… ---
**Author:** ![Misha77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Misha77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misha77)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/30 "2003-03-04T16:10:46Z")
I learned **Devena** ’s version, but considering her location, that’s not too surprising. However, we always added “But I got my STRAAAWWW” to the end of it. ---
**Author:** ![Misha77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Misha77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misha77)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/31 "2003-03-04T16:19:17Z")
Oh, and that other “mine eyes” song? Ours went (and dear God, I never realized how violent it was before this): Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule We have shot the secretary, we have hung the principal Our troops are marching on… Geez, if I heard kids singing this in school today, I’d freak out. ---
**Author:** ![mlerose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@mlerose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlerose)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/32 "2003-03-04T16:25:53Z")
The version I learned as a kid and the version I had to sing as a camp counselor are different, but neither has been fully captured here. My version: Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Itty bitty birdy feet French-fried eyeballs swimming in a bowl of pus, Oops I forgot my spoon. Camp version: Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Chopped-up piggies’ feet French-fried eyeballs swimming in a bowl of pus, And me without my spoon Regurgitate! Regurgitate! Rah, rah, rah! V-O-M-I-T! V-O-M-I-T! Vomit, vomit, yayyyy vomit! Everything tastes better with blue vomit on it. (the last bit is, I think, sung to an old Blue Bonnet margarine jingle) ---
**Author:** ![Stentor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Stentor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/33 "2003-03-04T17:12:44Z")
**petcat** , that was great. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/34 "2003-03-04T21:42:48Z")
Another “mine eyes” version \*Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule We even killed the principal but he didn’t care Because he had no hair! Glory, Glory what a heck of a time we had And we ain’t goin’ back no more!\* ---
**Author:** ![Janx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Janx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Janx)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/35 "2003-03-05T00:20:47Z")
Well guys, in my version the monkey meat is chopped and the birdie feet are mutilated, which goes to show that you all ended up with poor variations on the _true_ version, But fear not, I shall enlighten your impoverished souls. Ahem… Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, \*\* Chopped up monkey meat, \*\* **mutilated birdie feet,** French fried eyeballs floating in a pool of blood, OOOoooh! I forgot my SPOOooooOOON! Thank you, thank you, just trying to help. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gopher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gopher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gopher)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/36 "2003-03-05T00:40:27Z")
Gopher guts?! I’m disgusted! _storms out_ But everything else is yums. ---
**Author:** ![IThinkNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ce73a5/32.png) [@IThinkNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IThinkNot)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/37 "2003-03-05T00:47:22Z")
As a kid myself, we sing some pretty awful stuff. There’s my personal favorite: _On top of old smokey all covered in blood I shot my poor teacher with a .44 slug I went to her funeral I went to her grave some people threw flowers I threw a grenade I looked in her coffin she wasn’t quite dead so I took a bazooka and blew off her head BOOM!_ Of course, the “great green globs” song goes differently where I am: _great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts mutilated monkey nuts bloody congealing rotten snot a putrefacting fetal pig boiling in a bowl of snot …and you know what? (slow) … I remembered my spooooooooooooooon!_ Ah, I haven’t belted that one out at the top of my lungs since —well, since yesterday… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ForgottenLore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@ForgottenLore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForgottenLore)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/38 "2003-03-07T15:26:02Z")
Everybody has a version of the refrain, but am I the only person who has ever heard one of the _verses?_ I know there are at least two. Right now I can only recall the first one. [_Refrain_] Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts mutilated monkey meat itty bitty birdy feet french fried eyeballs wrapped around some fingernails and I forgot my spoon [_First verse_] (the tune is different - don’t know what to call it) Some people eat hamburger meat while others eat potatoes. And some must chew their Irish Stew along with ripe tomatoes. I can’t understand why in every land they serve such peculiar dishes, while wherever I go they always say “no” when I tell them what my wish is. I… scream… for… [_Refrain_] ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/39 "2003-03-07T15:32:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Baker \* > \*\*“Comet! It makes your teeth turn green!..” \*\* Did that one when I was younger: Sung to the tune of the Colonel Bogie March from Bridge on the River Kwai _Comet! It makes your teeth turn green! Comet! It tastes like gasoline. Comet! It makes you vomit. So grab some comet and vomit today._ > [@](#): > > \*\*“Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school…” \*\* Our version of the Battle Hymn parody was slightly different: - Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school. We have tortured all the teachers; we have broken all the rules. And tomorrow after school we’re going to hang the principal. The school is burning down. Glory, glory, hallelujah! Teacher hit me with a ruler, so I nailed her at her door with a smokin’ .44 and she ain’t my teacher no more!\* Alternate versions to the the third line in the chorus were “hit her on the bean with a rotten tangerine” and “hit her on the butt with a rotten coconut.” > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Barrytown \* > \*\* > That’s how the polar bear (??) died!_\* Actually, that line is from a different song. The first part sung to the tune of “Row, Row, Row” the second sung to “The old gray mare.” Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream. Throw your teacher overboard. Listen to her scream. Five days later floating down the Deleware Chewing on her underwear Heading for another pair Two days later eaten by a polar bear And that’s how the polar bear died. ---
**Author:** ![mlerose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@mlerose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlerose)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787/40 "2003-03-07T15:36:51Z")
Yeah, ForgottenLore, that was the verse I know too. Did you have a 45 record when you were a kid called A Rocket In My Pocket? That’s where I learned my version. Yours sounds a lot like mine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-words-to-great-green-gobs-of-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts/158787.md?page=3)