# What are the worst movies you've ever seen? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 26, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739 "2003-02-26T21:46:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Ich\_Bin\_s](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Ich\_Bin\_s](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ich_Bin_s)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/221 "2003-03-13T22:57:14Z")
Am I the only person other than **Hamlet** that has seen San… uh, er…ye Film That Cannot Be Named? We did a film series when I was in college, and to be honest, I didn’t dislike Sant…uh…(looking around for **Hamlet** to come slithering out across the floor like that legless vampire in **Lair of the White Worm**. Or maybe that other legless vampire in **From Dusk Til Dark** )…where was I? Oh yes, I didn’t dislike it any more that the other handfull of god-awful French self-aware tweedle beetle puddle battle crap that I endured. What I am saying is, by my estimate, there exist on this planet no fewer than five movies of the power of which Hamlet speaks. I know, because I saw them. Thankfully, for the sake of humanity, I was usually on my second bottle of eight-ball by the time I saw them and have thus eradicated their titles from my mind, hence saving humanity from unleashing a scourge of unmitigated power, not unlike that german soldier who pulled the silver cross off the wall in **the Keep** , or the guy who chucked the pyramid in the ocean in **Dagon**. Or the guy who turned off the power in **Ghostbusters**. Much has been said about **Jeepers Creepers** , but I’ll say one more. First of all, does everybody here realize that **Jeepers Creepers 2** is coming out in August. God save me. Anyway, the “behind the scenes” disc starts with the warning that “this feature contains significant spoilers, do not watch until after watching the movie!” . Problem is, when I actually put the movie in (before viewing the behind the scenes features, mind you), the background visuals that were running while you decide if you want to turn this craptastic thing on, shows the kids driving in the car, and then… then the frickin monster holding the kids by the throat! They show the monster! The big money shot, in the frickety frack scene selector, before you turn the movie on! Are they really this f\*cking stupid? Yes, yes they are. And so am I for bringing this cinematic equivalent of a leaky coffee can full of mercury into my home. Yet the whole movie thinks it’s so bleeding clever for not being just a monster movie, for making you wonder…is it a car movie? A big scary man? bahhhhh. Crap. This movie sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/222 "2003-03-13T23:14:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dr. Rieux \* > \*\*In all fairness to George Clooney, the only damage done to that movie was perpetrated by Joel Schumacher and Akiva Goldsman. \*\* Certainly Schumacher and Goldsman deserve their share of the blame, but once I noticed (about 10 minutes in) that Clooney couldn’t speak without his head jiggling like a bobble-head doll, the whole show was ruined. And later, when I noticed that some of the other actors had started bobble-heading (is that a verb? It is now! Ha!) when talking to Clooney, that just made me even more cranky. ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/223 "2003-03-14T02:27:33Z")
_upon seeing **tdc** ’s post_ Damn. Now I can’t just drop it on him unsuspectingly. 😛 Also, with a username like **Bjork** , I don’t think you’re an impartial judge of **DitD**. Before you start a thread about the movie, I recommend performing a search, as there was a bit of discussion about it during its theatrical release. 🙂 _looks down at Hamlet wrapped 'round my ankle_ Um. Hello there. You’re the one I’ll be looking up if Movie That Cannot Be Named is truly as shitastic as promised. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/224 "2003-03-14T06:08:45Z")
[Druids](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0199481), starring Christopher Lambert. I’m always amazed in these discussions that I’m the only one who ever mentions this film. I think it means that I’m the only person who’s ever seen it… which is probably a good thing. You don’t need to see it to know that it’s terrible. Just trust me. ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/225 "2003-03-14T06:21:37Z")
Why does everybody bag on _Popeye_? I liked that movie… (Oh, am I going to get reamed out for that…) ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/226 "2003-03-14T12:52:41Z")
**Bjork** , I respect your opinions, but my vote of 1 for _Dancer in the Dark_ stands. Considering my votes for Baz Luhrman, _Popeye_ and _Hudson Hawk_, I guess I’m just not a fan of musicals. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/227 "2003-03-14T14:47:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Incubus \* > \*\*Ice Pirates- I’m surprised nobody mentioned this movie. Incredibly cheesy Star Wars/Alien knockoff with abysmal special effects. Thought the movie was hilarious, \*\* So a comedy that’s “hilarious” should be on a list of the Worst Movies??? I don’t get it, it was a spoof. I loved it. ---
**Author:** ![c\_goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@c\_goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_goat)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/228 "2003-03-14T15:09:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BadBaby \* > \*\*Does anybody remember Delirious, with John Candy? Only movie I ever wanted to walk out on (and would have if my date hadn’t picked it and I’d owned a backbone at the time). That movie had enough suckitude to qualify as a black hole. \*\* Man, Comedy Central went nuts for a while and showed that movie every day. I couldn’t stand it. I’ll only comment on bad movies that I paid to see though: I saw a movie called **Hardware** that I guess I was expecting to be like Predator. It was not. In fact, it sucked. There was also another movie called **Strange Days** that totally sucked. I walked out of **Hope Floats** after 5-10 minutes and saw A Perfect Murder instead (which was at least watchable). I’ll second **Jeepers Creepers** as well. I wanted my money back after that crapfest. ---
**Author:** ![c\_goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@c\_goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_goat)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/229 "2003-03-14T15:15:34Z")
Holy goat! I didn’t realize this thread was 5 pages… and here I was responding to something on the first page. Usually I read the whole thread first, sorry about that… ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/230 "2003-03-14T15:27:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by that\_darn\_cat \* > \*\ ***Hamlet** , do you have any idea what you’ve done? Now I may have to sit through **Santa Sangre**. The HORROR! > Can it really be worse than Dancer in the Dark. 😃 \*\* It’s worse than Dancer in the Dark. It’s worse than Flashdance. It’s worse than The Dark. It’s worse than any movie that ever had the letters D or A or N or C or E or R or I or N or T or H or E or D or A or R or K in them. Or, for that matter, any letter in any language ever written, used, or even thought about, including Ancient Sumerian, Esperanto, and Semaphones. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ich Bin’s \* > \*\*Am I the only person other than Hamlet that has seen San… uh, er…ye Film That Cannot Be Named? We did a film series when I was in college, and to be honest, I didn’t dislike Sant…uh…(looking around for Hamlet to come slithering out across the floor like that legless vampire in Lair of the White Worm. Or maybe that other legless vampire in From Dusk Til Dark)…where was I? \*\* Think of me more as the Liquid Metal Cop from Terminator III. I am unstoppable in my hatred for this movie. I neither slither, nor feast on blood, but I remain completely impassive as I spread the word about this abdomination. There are plenty of crappy “god-awful French self-aware tweedle beetle puddle battle crap” movies out there. There are plenty of films made by pretentious jackoffs who masterbate themselves by making self-indulgent, idiotic movies. There are plenty of crappy horror movies. There are plenty of crappy, plotless symbolic movies (of which **Prometheous** sounds like a great example. There are plenty of crappy films that have no redeeming characters. There are plenty of crappy films that pretend to be dealing with deep, emotional issues, only to fail miserably. There are plenty of crappy movies that celebrate ultraviolence against women. There are plenty of movies that make me wish I had never seen them. But, to paraphrase Connor McCleod from the Clan McCleod, “There can be only one!” that includes all those faults, and still gets great reviews from supposed film critics. And that horror, that epitome of hell, is **Santa Sangre**. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/231 "2003-03-14T17:14:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by John Harrison \* > \*\*[GYMKATA!.. just happening to find a pommel-horse in the middle of a village square (which he uses to pummel the bad guys.) \*\* I remember the movie poster! It was so darn silly I’ve never forgotten it, _“The Skill of Gymnastics! the Power of Karate!”_ more like, _“the Boredom of gymnastics! the Tedium of Karate!”_ ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/232 "2003-03-14T17:42:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DrFidelius \* > \*\*A more likely scenario is that no one here went to see the film. We tend to be somewhat diffident towards entertainment based upon Tribulation “theology”. \*\* If you mean _ **indifferent** _ I am forced to agree, I’m a born-again Christian and even I could not watch more than 2 minutes of that drek. ---
**Author:** ![austen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@austen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/austen)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/233 "2003-03-14T20:15:02Z")
**Bloodwork** - last movie that old craggy Clint Eastwood was in. CRAPTACULAR does not begin to describe it. I had it figured out in the first five minutes. My boyfriend had it figured out in the first ten (and he never saw the surprise in The Sixth Sense coming. No, really.) Basically we kept watching it to see how long it waould take dear old Mr. Eastwood to figure this shit out. It was Clint at his most wooden. Even he was wincing in the movie. Absolute dreck. And **Hamlet** - man, let it GO. Go to your happy place and forget the Movie That Shall Not Be Named. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![HazyBaby33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@HazyBaby33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazyBaby33)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/234 "2003-03-14T21:51:37Z")
I’d have to say **Powder, A Beautiful Mind, Kazaam** ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/235 "2003-03-14T23:37:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Evil Death \* > **It’s not the three-for-two sale that concerns me, Tracer, it’s that somebody had previously viewed that DVD [of _Left Behind II: Tribulation Force_].** Not nececelery. What Blockbuster means by “previously viewed” is that the DVD had previously been available to rent from their store. No one actually had to **view** it. And, to be honest, _Left Behind II: Tribulation Force_ wasn’t **quite** as bad a steaming dungheap of Millennial self-righteousness as the first _Left Behind_ movie was. (Although there were parts of it, particularly with regard to the airline pilot’s buddy, that came across like a Chick Tract.) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/236 "2003-03-15T00:44:18Z")
I’m not planning on watching it but here’s the complete TV guide description of a movie on ABC tonight: > [@](#): > > **Movie: Frozen Impact** (2003) Oversized hailstones threaten to destroy a Vermont town. Ted McGinley, Linda Purl. Maybe it’s time to declare that the disaster genre has run out of ideas. ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/237 "2003-03-15T01:10:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gravity \* > **Queen of the Damned - I was pretty sure that the advertising had a quick shot of a cute asian guy in it. Yeah, probably not a speaking role, but he was really cute. That’s all that kept my wife and I watching. Maybe it was a different movie that came out at the same time that we were thinking of. Certainly wasn’t this one.** I was waiting for that. I’ve a few questions for the makers of this movie. Did you READ the books?! Where in HEAVEN’S name did you interpret MARIUS as Lestat’s maker? Where were the twins, Gabrielle, Louis, Nicki, Armand, Mael, Khayman, and Daniel? Why is David so young? Why are Lestat and Marius so brunette? Why did you choose that actress for the role of Jesse, and why did you allow her hair dye to show on her ears? Where was the integral plotline of Maharet’s blindness and her sister’s muteness? Where was the ORIGIN OF THE VAMPIRES?! How about a little more introduction to the Talamasca–IE WHAT ARE THEY?! Other than that, good job. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/238 "2003-03-15T01:26:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by austen \* > \*\*And **Hamlet** - man, let it GO. Go to your happy place and forget the Movie That Shall Not Be Named. Seriously. \*\* But my happy place is a 3 ft by 5 ft cell with concrete walls and steel bars where the director, producer, every actor, the entire crew, anyone who financed it, and anyone who ever gave this crap movie a good review are packed like sardines. 500 boxes of razors are then dropped on them, followed by 1000 gallons of lemon juice and salt. Then the electrically charged floor is turned on. Finally, they are forced to watch Eraserhead (the second worst movie ever) while having their internal organs made external. THAT is my happy place. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_A\_Tame\_Lion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Not\_A\_Tame\_Lion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_A_Tame_Lion)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/239 "2003-03-15T08:49:39Z")
Pardon me? No one has said anything yet about _Attack of the Clones?_ That thing sucked ass. Even the editing was bad, let alone the story, writing, acting, etc. ---
**Author:** ![80sHairMetalMaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/8/ed655f/32.png) [@80sHairMetalMaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/80sHairMetalMaven)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739/240 "2003-03-15T14:44:23Z")
_King Frat_–we watched this on VHS a few years ago while visiting my stepsister and her husband in Corpus.The hubby said if we liked Animal House(which we DO),we’d like this.Oh god…this film was AWFUL.So awful I pretended to fall asleep halfway through it so I wouldn’t have to watch the rest of it.It was a really,really BAD Animal House copycat and the height of the movie was a farting competition.Yes…a farting competition.Ugh.:rolleyes: If you EVER see this in a video rental store…run. _Kingdom of the Spiders_–I think that’s the name of it.It’s got William Shatner in a Texas border town(I think)trying to help residents overcome a massive attack of tarantulas…both common browns and Mexican rose-legs. IDBB [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-movies-youve-ever-seen/157739.md?page=13)