# What are the worst songs? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 18, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663 "2012-07-18T21:15:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/61 "2012-07-19T14:51:08Z")
Some years ago I made a collection of jaw-droppingly bad songs called “Mondo Schlocko”. It includes: [“Highly Illogical”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru9e2rTHeuk), Leonard Nimoy (Many of his songs would qualify, such as “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”) [“Speedy Gonzales”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I7aDm64auE) by Rex Gildo [“Son, Don’t Go Near the Indians”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsLaTC6bGdo) by Rex Allen [“Luau Cha Cha Cha”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWOCn1mOjt4) by Annette Funicello (not quite as horrible, but awfully kitschy) Nowadays I would also include: [“It Ain’t Me, Babe”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwD4t9gcLb4) by Johnny Cash – great song but Cash fails miserably in his attempt to interpret it. Then there’s that female harmony, just to make things a bit more surreal. [“Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9D6TPGTB-I) by the Four Seasons (as The Wonder Who) – OK, this one was meant to be bad. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/62 "2012-07-19T15:36:25Z")
Dave Barry’s original articles and book bemoan the fact that some songs aren’t well known enough to be widely hated. In particular, he points out a song called [“Hooty Sapperticker”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1CEWFaiL_o) by Barbara and the Boys, which is a truly appalling song. Since then, however, I’ve found one that’s even worse, although it may be disqualified as a “novelty” song: [“I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuBJ5H9m3Sc) by The Go Gos (not Belinda Carlisle and her bunch, it’s some earlier English pop band). ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/63 "2012-07-19T18:48:28Z")
[![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HSNSTerj2Kc/hqdefault.jpg "Middle of the Road - Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep - Totp 1971") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSNSTerj2Kc) Chirpy chirpy cheep cheep by Middle of the Road. WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/64 "2012-07-19T19:37:11Z")
I wish I hadn’t asked now, my ears are melting, and my computer’s decided it won’t play anything from youtube… Thanks! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/65 "2012-07-19T22:59:48Z")
Can’t believe it’s taken 65 posts to nominate [this one.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) What do I win? ---
**Author:** ![Ruby\_Slippers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/94ad74/32.png) [@Ruby\_Slippers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby_Slippers)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/66 "2012-07-19T23:08:54Z")
> [@Prelude\_to\_Fascination](#): > > [Feelings](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-oHYYaw9jA&feature=related) is in the top 10. Make that the top 3. Yep, that’s what I came here to nominate. But another poster mentioned Having My Baby by Paul Anka, and I’d have to say those two would be neck and neck. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/67 "2012-07-19T23:53:36Z")
> [@laina\_f](#): > > [Christmas Shoes.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a_Y1wAJ2MU) Having managed to forget about this song, I came in to mention Madonna’s cover of “American Pie”. You win the thread though…[here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq10bz3PxyY&feature=BFa&list=FLEQiNIef3cps1-0WIohVJ5A), have a palate cleanser (animation of a Patton Oswalt routine - NSFW!) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/68 "2012-07-20T00:02:29Z")
“Muskrat Love” by the Captain & Tennille. Granted, there was plenty of terrible stuff put out in the '70’s, but this takes the cake for sheer awfulness. What do I win? ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/69 "2012-07-20T00:07:27Z")
Apache. It’s kind of [awesomely awful](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo4glASbEh4). ---
**Author:** ![Ximenean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/aca169/32.png) [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/70 "2012-07-20T00:43:24Z")
[Achy Breaky Heart](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byQIPdHMpjc) must be up there. Extra minus points for that mullet. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/71 "2012-07-20T01:13:09Z")
The musical stylings of [Jan Terri](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqsRFKe3YMA). ---
**Author:** ![Anna\_Nimity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Anna\_Nimity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anna_Nimity)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/72 "2012-07-20T01:23:43Z")
> [@Prelude\_to\_Fascination](#): > > [Feelings](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-oHYYaw9jA&feature=related) is in the top 10. Make that the top 3. Let’s make that number one. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/73 "2012-07-20T01:28:36Z")
> [@cjepson](#): > > That would be “[Don’t Worry, Kyoko (Mummy’s Only Looking For Her Hand in the Snow)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swG6Rry9Tss)” by Yoko Ono. My theory about this song is that it depicts a recurring nightmare of Yoko’s… if I’m right, it’s extremely successful. This is the correct answer. ---
**Author:** ![keeganst94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a6a055/32.png) [@keeganst94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keeganst94)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/74 "2012-07-20T02:08:09Z")
How have we gone this far without mentioning [whip my hair?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymKLymvwD2U) Also, [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evXtrZrdQ3o), and any [grindcore](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq_CajFb_5s). ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/75 "2012-07-20T03:21:20Z")
> [@koeeoaddi](#): > > Apache. It’s kind of [awesomely awful](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo4glASbEh4). [This is a much, much better version of that clip](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9upqWnlls0). Much improved, even hypnotizing. Joe ---
**Author:** ![katierw80](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c0e974/32.png) [@katierw80](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katierw80)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/76 "2012-07-24T18:00:00Z")
Agree that Butterfly Kisses and the Christmas Shoes are awful and smarmy. Also, Cat Scratch Fever and I’m My Own Grandpa. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/77 "2012-07-24T19:15:20Z")
The Chipmunks’ Christmas Song is my go-to for awful Christmas music, and I can’t actually think of anything worse from any other time of the year. ---
**Author:** ![Haunted\_Pasta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/94ad74/32.png) [@Haunted\_Pasta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Haunted_Pasta)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/78 "2012-07-24T19:51:38Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > Never Been To Me, by Charlene, is always my choice for worst song. I was a freshman in high school when this song came out. I heard about it from a close friend who told me about how hilariously bad it was, and after I heard it myself I remember the two of us having a great time mocking it. How stupidly bad does your song have to be if 9th grade boys thingk it’s unintentionally funny? But I don’t think it’s among the all time worst of the worst. Charlene could sort of sing OK, and musically there’s certainly worse out there. (Not lyrically, though- the lyrics are the dumbest of all time.) No, the songs that make me want to dig my eardrums out with the nearest fork are “Shattered” by the Rolling Stones, “Everybody Must Get Stoned” by Bob Dylan, and “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” by The Pieces of Shit. Those songs grate on me like few other sounds this side of Hell do. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/79 "2012-07-24T20:22:24Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > _Horst Wessel Lied_ Actually there are few songs even worse than the _Horst Wessel Lied_. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi\_songs](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_songs) _Deutschland Erwache_: > [@](#): > > Germany awake from your nightmare! > Give foreign Jews no place in your Empire! > We will fight for your resurgence! > Aryan blood shall never perish! > > All these hypocrites, we throw them out, > Judea leave our German house! > If the native soil is clean and pure, > we united and happy will be! > > We are the fighters of the NSDAP > True Germans in heart, firm and tough in our Struggle > To the Swastika, devoted are we > Hail our Leader, Hail Hitler to thee! _Blut Muss Flissen_: > [@](#): > > Sharpen the long knives on the pavement, > let the knives stab into the Jews body. > > ``` > Blood must flow extreme extensive > and we shit on the freedom of this Jewish Republic. > > Tug the concubine out of the rulers bed, > grease the guillotine with the Jews fat. > > Blood must flow extreme extensive > and we shit on the freedom of this Jewish Republic. > > Hang a black pig in the synagogue, > throw the grenades into the parliaments. > > Blood must flow extreme extensive > and we shit on the freedom of this Jewish Republic. > > ``` … ---
**Author:** ![phxjcc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phxjcc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phxjcc)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663/80 "2012-07-24T21:14:29Z")
Sorry, but you guys are not even close. This: [Joey Dee - Ya ya - YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7QiyLEPY-Y&feature=related) The Steve Allen parody of it was priceless. Where do I pick up my prize? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-the-worst-songs/628663.md?page=5)